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Please help me with my friend! EDITED/NEW PICS

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:22 PM
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 hi my name is sarah 1/19/86 and have a very good friend named Derrick 9/1/87. We have been friends along time.Basically I wanted to see if anyone could pick up on his true feelings for me...he sends me a lot of mixed signals and dont know what to think.Thank you and anybody feel free to jump in.These pics were taken in the spring.except bottom one of me was taken today.

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
blakesmama21
by Member on Aug. 9, 2009 at 6:55 PM

anybody see anything at all?

Kimber007
by Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 4:28 PM

Sarah,

I'm going to respond and see what others say as well. I believe that Derrick has a very strong connection with you and cares for you deeply. I'm not so sure how romantic the feelings may be, sensing that he is not perhaps ready for that form of relationship... maybe not emotionally ready for it nor mature enough for it. But he cares about you deeply. The mixed signals are something you need to pay attention to, because they tell you the truth- there is something in the way of his feelings, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

That's what I am getting. Let me know what you think! Wishing you well and much peace * blessings,

Kimber

blakesmama21
by Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 5:00 PM

thank you for responding I feel that you are right .we have always had this deep connection and i also agree he is not emotionally ready for a deep more than friends relationship.I love with all my heart but I do not need for it to be more necessarily.Our friendhsip and him being in my life is what I am most concerned with.He has me worried about him I havent talked to him in 2 weeks and i just have the sense something is going on with him but it is his nature to close himself off when that happens.Can you see if he is mad at me or what is going on with him?You said something is getting in the way of his feelings what did you mean? thanks again

Kimber007
by Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 6:11 PM


Quoting blakesmama21:

thank you for responding I feel that you are right .we have always had this deep connection and i also agree he is not emotionally ready for a deep more than friends relationship.I love with all my heart but I do not need for it to be more necessarily.Our friendhsip and him being in my life is what I am most concerned with.He has me worried about him I havent talked to him in 2 weeks and i just have the sense something is going on with him but it is his nature to close himself off when that happens.Can you see if he is mad at me or what is going on with him?You said something is getting in the way of his feelings what did you mean? thanks again

Hello,

First, I'm concerned and not positive about this, but concerned about either a mental health concern or else the use of substances by Derrick. Is it possible he may be using something and hiding it from you? The other thing I think of is that he may feel you wanting more than a friendship and this is something that makes him pull away completely. It may be both of these. If not using substances, could he have a mental health condition- like depression or something? I feel that there is more going on with him as well.  
 In fact, I'm concerned that he is using a substance- or substances- (some drug and possibly alcohol as well) and has a mental health concern such as depression. The two often go hand-in-hand. I do not see Derrick as angry with you.... I think if he is angry with anyone it would be with himself.... for no definite reason, but that he may be someone who has a lower tolerance for frustration especially within himself. So, I think you can ease up on yourself a bit, I don't think it's anything that you've done in particular. It's Derrick. He has some of his own issues going on and you are concerned about him and don't know what's up with him. All you can do is let him know you care about him and will remain his friend no matter what... and then let him come around. If you know of substance use by him, you can't make him stop but you can definitely talk to him about it. You have no control over his actions, as you are already well aware.

Let me know if this feels right on for you or if you have any questions or concerns.

I wish you wellness and peace,

Kimber

blakesmama21
by Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 8:50 PM

yes yes yes .this is exactly what i am thinking is going on .I have been aware he has some kind of depression and has messed around with substances I dont what kind he is messing with now or how serious it is.Im not sure why he is trying to hide it from me ive never judged him or even talked to him about my oppinion.As far as him thinking I want more i mean i wrote him and told him i had been attracted to him(big shocker)lol but that i always just wanted to be his friend his sister in fact since thats what he calls me...I mean does he not want to be friends altogether or is he just having some space.i feel like hes punishing me for actually loving and caring about him versus the people that dont really care when it comes down to it.And most people would say just let him go but this is someone who has done so much for me that ive been friends with since i was 15.i cant just turn my back on him or give up on our friendship altogether.I love him on a soul level...and when it comes down to it i dont need more than friendship.you said hes not mad at me i didnt think so either but i mean what is he then towards me? will we communicate anytime soon?thank you i am just worried about him he is very dear to me.

Quoting Kimber007:


Quoting blakesmama21:

thank you for responding I feel that you are right .we have always had this deep connection and i also agree he is not emotionally ready for a deep more than friends relationship.I love with all my heart but I do not need for it to be more necessarily.Our friendhsip and him being in my life is what I am most concerned with.He has me worried about him I havent talked to him in 2 weeks and i just have the sense something is going on with him but it is his nature to close himself off when that happens.Can you see if he is mad at me or what is going on with him?You said something is getting in the way of his feelings what did you mean? thanks again

Hello,

First, I'm concerned and not positive about this, but concerned about either a mental health concern or else the use of substances by Derrick. Is it possible he may be using something and hiding it from you? The other thing I think of is that he may feel you wanting more than a friendship and this is something that makes him pull away completely. It may be both of these. If not using substances, could he have a mental health condition- like depression or something? I feel that there is more going on with him as well.  
 In fact, I'm concerned that he is using a substance- or substances- (some drug and possibly alcohol as well) and has a mental health concern such as depression. The two often go hand-in-hand. I do not see Derrick as angry with you.... I think if he is angry with anyone it would be with himself.... for no definite reason, but that he may be someone who has a lower tolerance for frustration especially within himself. So, I think you can ease up on yourself a bit, I don't think it's anything that you've done in particular. It's Derrick. He has some of his own issues going on and you are concerned about him and don't know what's up with him. All you can do is let him know you care about him and will remain his friend no matter what... and then let him come around. If you know of substance use by him, you can't make him stop but you can definitely talk to him about it. You have no control over his actions, as you are already well aware.

Let me know if this feels right on for you or if you have any questions or concerns.

I wish you wellness and peace,

Kimber


Kimber007
by Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 9:58 PM

Blakesmama21,

I have tears in my eyes and can feel your pain, your sorrow.... it runs deep within your veins. You do love Derrick with all of your heart. Just him knowing that you love him, with his own issues within himself and at himself- and his own fears of intimacy.... is enough for him to run. It's not about you at all...be clear about this- it is entirely about him. You have done nothing wrong with him, and he would say the same if in a different place and time to respond. You can continue to love him as a friend and he may come and he may go... hopefully he will come back in some form safely to you as a friend. That is likely all that he will ever be ready for with you, and you should consider moving on as far as the romance department goes. But, keep him in your heart, just not to a degree that others cannot get into your heart as a result. He loves you in his own way, just not the way that you feel for him, and even if he did feel it somewhat he wouldn't be ready for it. He isn't ready.

What you can do is move on with your life... and keep a space in your world open for him to enter whenever he is ready. You can pray for him (or send positive energy his way, whatever is your religion or spirituality or belief)... Imagine him surrounded with white light..... purity, safety.....

It doesn't matter whether you would or wouldn't judge him. For him, or any other person using substances, the substance is what matters and feeling anything but his real emotions and the way he really feels deep inside is what's important to him (in other words- to numb himself is what feels best). I'm sure he knows you woudn't judge him. He likely doesn't want to have to face himself by facing you, if he is using substances right now.... if he is having problems with drugs and/or alcohol. It's not about you judging him... it's about him judging himself. That is too hard to face or to do.

He may be doing the "freak out" thing about you wanting more, but I'm not so sure about that. It's possible it's part of it but I don't think it is at all the whole picture. I think if anything, you can let him know what you said here- that you want to be his sister... and are entirely okay with it. But, you need to find a way to be okay with it, then. Let him know you love him as your brother. Move on with your life as well.... not that you aren't. But, let yourself let others inside now...

You are a beautiful person... I can feel your generousity and your love, compassion. You bring tears to my eyes. Keep being as loving as you are, but also turn that inward and love yourself even more right now.

I wish I could say if you would communicate soon. I am not certain about that.

I wish you well. Stay beautiful.

Peace,

Kimber

Quoting blakesmama21:

yes yes yes .this is exactly what i am thinking is going on .I have been aware he has some kind of depression and has messed around with substances I dont what kind he is messing with now or how serious it is.Im not sure why he is trying to hide it from me ive never judged him or even talked to him about my oppinion.As far as him thinking I want more i mean i wrote him and told him i had been attracted to him(big shocker)lol but that i always just wanted to be his friend his sister in fact since thats what he calls me...I mean does he not want to be friends altogether or is he just having some space.i feel like hes punishing me for actually loving and caring about him versus the people that dont really care when it comes down to it.And most people would say just let him go but this is someone who has done so much for me that ive been friends with since i was 15.i cant just turn my back on him or give up on our friendship altogether.I love him on a soul level...and when it comes down to it i dont need more than friendship.you said hes not mad at me i didnt think so either but i mean what is he then towards me? will we communicate anytime soon?thank you i am just worried about him he is very dear to me.

Quoting Kimber007:

 

Quoting blakesmama21:

thank you for responding I feel that you are right .we have always had this deep connection and i also agree he is not emotionally ready for a deep more than friends relationship.I love with all my heart but I do not need for it to be more necessarily.Our friendhsip and him being in my life is what I am most concerned with.He has me worried about him I havent talked to him in 2 weeks and i just have the sense something is going on with him but it is his nature to close himself off when that happens.Can you see if he is mad at me or what is going on with him?You said something is getting in the way of his feelings what did you mean? thanks again

Hello,

First, I'm concerned and not positive about this, but concerned about either a mental health concern or else the use of substances by Derrick. Is it possible he may be using something and hiding it from you? The other thing I think of is that he may feel you wanting more than a friendship and this is something that makes him pull away completely. It may be both of these. If not using substances, could he have a mental health condition- like depression or something? I feel that there is more going on with him as well.  
 In fact, I'm concerned that he is using a substance- or substances- (some drug and possibly alcohol as well) and has a mental health concern such as depression. The two often go hand-in-hand. I do not see Derrick as angry with you.... I think if he is angry with anyone it would be with himself.... for no definite reason, but that he may be someone who has a lower tolerance for frustration especially within himself. So, I think you can ease up on yourself a bit, I don't think it's anything that you've done in particular. It's Derrick. He has some of his own issues going on and you are concerned about him and don't know what's up with him. All you can do is let him know you care about him and will remain his friend no matter what... and then let him come around. If you know of substance use by him, you can't make him stop but you can definitely talk to him about it. You have no control over his actions, as you are already well aware.

Let me know if this feels right on for you or if you have any questions or concerns.

I wish you wellness and peace,

Kimber

 


blakesmama21
by Member on Aug. 15, 2009 at 9:43 AM

Thank you very much I feel that you really got to the heart of it with me and with him.I have been frustrated with people telling me to let him go because that is not my nature at all.I do feel you are right I need to let go of the romantic part of it and live my own life but I cant give up on him as a friend and he will always be in my heart.I wrote him yesterday and told him basically what u told me to about me being his sister always being there for him no matter what etc...I know he read it can you see maybe what his reaction is to what I am saying? And Im going to wait a bit but then I will try and call him or see him.I do wish I had an idea of when I would talk to him again but I can understand why that would be an uncertain thing for you to see but do you see it happening at all? lol And when you said hopefully he will return to me "in some form"my friend safely back to me.what did you mean? Thank you very much you have helped me so much.

Kimber007
by Member on Aug. 15, 2009 at 3:37 PM

Blakesmama21,

Hello, Dear. You are more than welcome! Please know that I am not 100% accurate.. just want to remind you of that...but I feel that we are on the right path here. Yes, people are going to tell you to let him go, because it's hard for them to see you hurting, and that is, again, about them and not you. No need to give up on Derrick as a friend- who would do that with someone you love? that just doesn't make sense. If you are friends, and he's struggling, you just don't quit or end the friendship. Instead, you let him know your concerned but you let him have his space and you continue living your life, with a place for him when and if he returns. He should return, by the way. I believe with him reading your letter, that he already knows this and what he read is just confirmation of that. I think he already knows your a safe person- it's easier to hurt those we love or feel most secure with, because they aren't so likely to just desert us, right? I think he was okay with your letter and not surprised, either. I may be wrong, but I believe Derrick will be back in your life within a month.... just take it easy, trust and have faith. You know that saying, "If you love someone- set them free, if they return to you they're yours, if they don't they never were?" Remember this. Just know that I do not believe anyone is ever "ours" so to speak... they don't belong to us ever.... we are all free.  Quit watching the clock...someone just told me to say that to you... the clock, the calendar, your watch..something. Quit watching time... it will happen when it  does. Some time will pass- it just does. Trust he is okay and will make it through this. He may need some significant help at some point... but I believe he will be back in your life or you'll have communication from him within a month.

Peace to you and yours,

Kimber

Quoting blakesmama21:

Thank you very much I feel that you really got to the heart of it with me and with him.I have been frustrated with people telling me to let him go because that is not my nature at all.I do feel you are right I need to let go of the romantic part of it and live my own life but I cant give up on him as a friend and he will always be in my heart.I wrote him yesterday and told him basically what u told me to about me being his sister always being there for him no matter what etc...I know he read it can you see maybe what his reaction is to what I am saying? And Im going to wait a bit but then I will try and call him or see him.I do wish I had an idea of when I would talk to him again but I can understand why that would be an uncertain thing for you to see but do you see it happening at all? lol And when you said hopefully he will return to me "in some form"my friend safely back to me.what did you mean? Thank you very much you have helped me so much.


blakesmama21
by Member on Aug. 15, 2009 at 4:58 PM

thank you and bless you.I have been watching time...thats funny you said that.And I am feeling a lot better about the situation mainly because I did reach out to him and say what I am feeling and that I am here for him..and yes I have believed that he sometimes takes me for granted because he knows i am safe and will be there at the end of the day.As far as the timeline of a month that sounds about right to me.I know you cant be 100 % accurate.But based on his patterns and the fact that I have very strong intuition myself -I have to say what you have said makes a lot of sense to me.thanks again.

Kimber007
by Member on Aug. 15, 2009 at 6:33 PM

You're so welcome. It was my honor to be here with you.

Many blessings and peace to you and yours. Stay beautiful!

Kimber

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