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Unique situation..need ideas

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2007 at 11:28 AM
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Hi there,

I am in a unique situation. I am engaged and we both have children from our previous marriage. I am amicable with my Ex and have very few issues on visitation and things like that. Unfortunatly, my Fiance's Ex is seriously emotionally unwell and has just abandoned their son because she has to pay child support.
My Fiance's son is 7 and is also emotionally disabled. We believe some of it is genetic and some of it is rage and anger from his mother's actions.
In any event, it sums up that we ALWAYS have his son with us. Because of his serious angry outbursts, my Fiance will not leave him with a babysitter and the only family he has in town is his mom who has physical limitations.
SO. This means we don't have time alone together. It is starting to affect our relationship. We don't get a date night or anything like that and his son is constantly all over my fiance looking for something to do. His ADHD is pretty bad despite all of the meds he is on and he is rarely able to entertain himself.
Do you have any ideas on how to keep the spark and romance when you literally have no time alone?

Thanks!

by on Dec. 3, 2007 at 11:28 AM
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Replies (1-3):
nkleintank
by Group Owner on Dec. 3, 2007 at 1:32 PM
My son went through a weird stage not too long ago...whenever my hubby would come up and hug and love on me, my son would get super jelous and throw a fit.  At first I would push my hubby away and pick up my son.  I did not realize how much it hurt my husband and affected our relationship until he told me.  He said that our children should not come in between our relationship.  He was right.  Now, I don't mean you should ignore your children but I've learned that my husband needs my attention just as much as my children does.  If we are hugging and loving on each other, I ask my children if they can wait a minute because it's  "Mommy and Daddy time"....most of the time they understand and walk away and play.  Of course if they can't wait, I help them out with whatever they need but I make sure to go back to my husband and spend time with him too. 

toughenough
by on Dec. 3, 2007 at 2:06 PM
Maybe when his son goes to sleep, you could set up a little romance in your room.  Set the mood with candles. Don't rush it though take your time and enjoy each others company and let time do the rest!  Good luck with this.  I used to be that way my son is disabled and we couldn't get a sitter.  Now that he is a little older we get out a little more, but we look forward to the nights we get kids to sleep a little earlier!
MommyMica
by on Dec. 3, 2007 at 11:48 PM

Quoting toughenough:

Maybe when his son goes to sleep, you could set up a little romance in your room.  Set the mood with candles. Don't rush it though take your time and enjoy each others company and let time do the rest!  Good luck with this.  I used to be that way my son is disabled and we couldn't get a sitter.  Now that he is a little older we get out a little more, but we look forward to the nights we get kids to sleep a little earlier!
I agree maybe make time for just the two of you at night when the kids go to bed. A few ideas could be you guys have a movie night,  a late night romantic dinner ( feed the kids their dinner and you guys eat later after they are in bed ) or you guys could just use that time to talk about each others day and just make it about you two.  I hope these ideas help. Good luck!

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