Wish everyone else understood!

[segrau]

I hate that not everyone understands that this is a valid way to get to a healthy weight and develop a healthy relationship with food. My hubby thinks it's ridiculous that I keep the fatty and fun things I'm craving in the cupboard instead of keeping them out of the house so I won't be tempted. My mother in law (on Jenny Craig) thinks that I need to be disciplined to get rid of the baby pounds. Dieting is the only thing they understand for weight loss. My hubby also thinks an after dinner walk is a waste of time since it won't raise my heart rate and I only take about 20 minutes to lap the neighborhood. Sigh! Well, we'll be going to the Grand Canyon next month and we'll see who gets out of breath or needs to stop first!

All I want at the moment is a healthy relationship with food and I feel like the people around me are getting in the way of that. I need to meditate more to calm and reassure myself when I don't get the support I need and deserve.

[anniekelleher]

or perhaps instead of meditating, simply find something polite but firm to say, such as..... thank you for your concern about my health.  then walk away.  i'd also come up with a little mantra to say to myself when faced with people who dont understand. 

[Angela_P71]

Segrau, I can totally relate to your feelings in this. I've tried explaining it to friends & family, but it's very clear that no one "gets it." They're all mired in their frantic determination to hit the jackpot with their next diet or "really getting serious about cutting back tomorrow" or whatever. I feel like a broken record, telling everyone that I am working on a different approach, that requires me to not focus on weight loss for now. The main reason I think I'm not getting more arguments from them is the fact that I'm actually meeting with an Intuitive Eating counselor. Somehow, involving a licensed professional legitimizes what I'm doing for most of the people who know what I'm doing.

While my DH doesn't have these issues, he has listened to my explanations, and for the most part, he respects my decisions & choices. If he were to give me a hard time, I'd pretty much insist that he read my books before continuing to offer opinions. And even then, my base argument would still be that he is unable to understand since he has never experienced dysfunctional eating behaviors firsthand. I am in recovery FIRST from compulsive dieting, and SECOND from compulsive eating. (The fact that my history includes periods of compulsive under-eating is a factor in all of this.)

In some areas of my life, I'm very much used to going against the dominant social paradigm, particularly w/rt spirituality (Eclectic Pagan). But the issues of dieting and size bigotry are SOOOO pervasive. I know that an in-person support group would be unbelievably helpful in all of this. I've taken ONE tiny baby step in that direction but need to follow up, hopefully next week.

As for exercise, ANY activity is good for the body, even a 5 minute or even 2 minute spurt. Back when I was dieting, I read two books citing studies that indicated that exercise does NOT have to be done all at once & does NOT have to result in "breaking a sweat" to be effective. I hate to use wgt loss as a positive argument, but for many months, I committed to doing just 5 minutes of exercise after every meal (3 meals/day) plus an additional 30 minutes/week (usually an extra 5 minutes each day). If I hadn't been so strict with myself about it, I would probably have kept it up, but since it was part of a "diet regimen," I have been resisting. I did feel wonderfully energetic during that time. Our daughter loved it, because that usually meant we'd do a 5 minute walk outside after breakfast (chase her around the house if it was yucky out), 5 or 10 minutes after lunch, and we would dance to music for 5 minutes after dinner. I think it meshes perfectly with a toddler's energy levels that soar right after eating. We still do it sometimes, at her insistence, just not as regularly as we used to. She keeps me on my toes anyway. :)

Hope you feel better soon. **e-hugs**

- Angela P.

[luvmydoxie]

I had a discussion today at work while explaining IE, and someone spoke up and said, "that's a diet!"  I said, "No it's not.  It's the exact opposite of a diet".  Then when I tried to talk about statistics and studies that have been done, I was accused of "skewing the facts and taking them out of context."  Coming from someone who has NEVER had a weight problem, NEVER had to go on a diet, NEVER had to deal with an eating disorder (I am recovering from bulimia).  This person is totally CLUELESS about it all.  Yet they had the nerve to tell me, I was "skewing the facts".  I have decided not to talk about it any more, except to my closest friends who are not critical and very supportive.  One of my friends who's also a professional dieter like me, has been won over to IE, has the book, and she also has vowed never to diet again.  and wonder of wonders!! She's lost a few pounds in two months.
I also tried to make the case for walking.  I mentioned that we don't have to kill ourselves at the gym 6 days a week to be healthy.  Just a 30 minute walk 5 or 6 days a week, has already been scientifically proven to lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure, shrink the waist, reduce stress, and so much more.  Just a brisk walk!  Well, they just weren't buying it.


My hubby is a naturally thin person, and doesn't really understand where I'm coming from.  He also doesn't know about my eating disorder, i've done a fantastic job hiding my bulimia from every one.  But he is supportive in what I do, and is never critical.  At least not to my face anyway.  Don't know what he thinks or says to others. 

I can only imagine what it must be like for you.  But most of our society has been "brain washed" (for lack of a better term) into believing the diet bunk we've been fed for years.  Just like the person I encountered today.  And since so many "professionals" are on the bandwagon with them, that lends credibility to all the lies.  No, they don't understand.  But once you've shrunk to your natural weight (however long that may take) and maintain it, then you can have the last laugh.  And they'll be wanting to know "how'd you do it?"

[skatert]

I completely understand where you're coming from.  I have been doing IE for almost a month.  It's very difficult to escape the diet mentality and dieting.  It seems as though every person you talk to believes it's the only way to lose weight, yet the stats clearly show that dieting doesn't work for about 98% of people.  We're so bombarded by diets in the media.  I feel uncomfortable even discussing it with anybody.  I am at odds with wanting to lose weight RIGHT NOW and not dieting and not losing weight at the moment.  I can say that the desire to pig out on food(especially sweets) has diminished significantly for me.  It's funny, I met a friend for coffee last night and she said, " peanut butter is my downfall...I just can't stop eating it"  and she is in the diet mentality. She restricts her calories during the day so she can save them up for eating later in the day.  It's crazy!  Although, I have done the same kinds of things in my life as well.  This is the hardest time for me.  I am still fighting not going on a diet.  I know I have to work through this and it's very hard when I only have my best friend to confide in who understands what I am doing.    It really bothers me that people think they are just going to completely lose control and the exact opposite happens.  I do feel so much more normal around food now.  I still have to tell myself at times that I can have anything I want when I want it etc.  I just have to try and think longterm instead of short term, which is " I can't wait to finish this diet".  I hope that I can get some support in this group, especially now.