Check-in's

I just joined this group...and I thought maybe it would be cool to get some dialogue going about how we're doing on this journey toward regaining trust in ourselves and letting go of the vicious cycle of food & weight obsession.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel so much better when I can share on a regular basis.  Otherwise, I end up trying to tough it out alone & wind up struggling!  So here goes...

I'm returning to Intuitive Eating after a couple of years of dieting (masquerading as 'healthy eating')  It's been a big relief to know that I can eat whatever I want, even though it scares me too.  The first day, I went out and bought a treat I hadn't had in a very long time--and I let myself eat a piece of it in a calm setting, without distraction.  I was amazed at how I didn't even want any more than a single piece!  It's like having permission to eat takes all the zing out of being a food rebel.  And growing up with a doctor in the family, I know a lot about rebelling ;-) 

The thing I'm working on now is dealing with all kinds of crazy talk from the 'diet addict' voice within that tells me I'm going to be huge if I keep eating like this, that I'll never lose any weight...and that I'm basically jumping off a cliff of denial--sending myself to inevitable doom.  I mean, I can eat something that the food police consider bad, and a few hours later look in the mirror...and I honestly think I've gotten bigger.  It's crazy!  I was looking at my stomach last night & wondering to myself, "Has it always been that big??  Wow, maybe I should get online and find one of those sites that tells you how to lose abdominal fat."  And then I realized what was happening & had to snap myself back to reality. 

I know I can't diet...it doesn't work for me.  Even if I have some success, eventually...I come back to crazy eating and obsession.  Of course I'd like to be thinner and heathier...but even more than that, I want to be free of this.  So I'm on the path a day at a time.  I really hope some of you will share your journey with me, as I know I"ve got a lot to learn! 

Signing off for now...