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Posted by on May. 28, 2008 at 4:12 PM
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Hi I am new here.  I am Lori, Mom to 4 children adn one on the way.  All under 8, we homeschool I stay home.  and my husband recently came home with PTSD and TBI and is on 100% disability, he has many other issues.   And frankly he is driving me NUTS!  He constantly has to be on the go running and doing something, the whole house is in constant Cauos and as a result my kids are also going nuts.
Is anyone in this situation or has been how or what are you doing to get through?  How do you learn to live in the Cauos of this lifestyle, and keep the house and kids undercontrol and keep up with husbands, who need alot of help?
by on May. 28, 2008 at 4:12 PM
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lady4vets
by New Member on May. 30, 2008 at 11:23 PM
Hey Lori,
I am new here, too. I am married to a Vietnam vet (38 years) with PTSD. I can relate to your issues. My husband has at least 6 projects going at once and never finishes anything. That drives me crazy! Living in chaos and irratic behavior seem to be a common symptom with PTSD. Our home is always under construction!

I admire you for being able to handle kids and a husband with PTSD. I was fortunate that my boys were 10 yrs apart, so I had to deal with only one at a time. It really has an impact on the kids, as you already know.

You did not mention whether are not your vet has had or is receiving counseling. Some Vet Centers (not VA) have services at no cost. Counseling helped both of us better understand each other. I am only making a suggestion. Counseling does not benefit everyone. I participated in several wives groups and workshops sponsored by the VA, but it has been about 12 years. It is amazing to learn that you are not alone and how similar the issues are in disabled vet families.

I am so glad I found this site because I enjoy having someone listen who has been there. Oh, and I am not famaliar with TBI? Could you explain?

Keep your chin up. You seem like a survivor to me and you will get through.
Loriof5
by on May. 31, 2008 at 11:49 AM
He has a tramatic brain injury, that is what TBI is.  Yes he does many things at the VA but the PTSD support groups set off his PTSD and with his TBI he can't control his emotions at all, so it isn't good at this point of his recovery.  His Dr.s actually have requested he not attend many of them now.  But he is individaI consoling, and he is also in Occupational Therapy, physical therapy and about everything else there anyways.lol  I have attended the wife group but the TBI is our main issue sooo, my issues get me weird looks so I quit going.  My main issues are he forgets me outside a store and leaves, or I ask him to do something and he completely spaces out or he wanders off, and I have to look for him, and now he is OCD.  And is very irrational.lol  then w e have the PTSD side which is the other side of the spectrum, so I am learning what is the TBI and what is the PTSD.  Cauos seems to be a PTSD issue.  Plus I jsut didn't feel comfortable the web is a little more anomous.lol 
My Dad is a vet with severe PTSD from veitnam. 
The children part though I think is a huge advantage, I have 4 little faces who force me to work things out instead of running and one in my belly kicking and such to remind me to keep cool and not freak out.
lady4vets
by New Member on Jun. 4, 2008 at 12:18 AM
Yes, it can be tough when confronting and re-living experiences in a PTSD group. And you two have so much more to deal with than just PTSD. Perhaps it would be easier to tackle one obstacle at a time. Since the TBI is your main issue right now, maybe there are support groups  for it in your area. You may find a group on this board.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I wish everyone could see and would acknowledge what both of you have sacrificed for our country and our freedom. It's men like your husband and the women that stand with them that assures us our day to day freedom that we all take for granted. Thank you both!  Your are an inspiration to me

Hope you will find others like yourself on this board. It helps so much to talk with others who are going thru the same thing.

God Bless


Loriof5
by on Jun. 5, 2008 at 12:15 PM
thanks for the suggestions, unfortantly there aren't any here. As much as I live at the VA though, I am ok with that.   I am jsut trying to focus on relearning how to be a wife at the moment, with him being gone 4 out of the last 6 years it is a strange new world, not only is he home but he is also home 24-7.lol  Which can be interesing.lol
kyteacher
by New Member on Jun. 12, 2008 at 9:34 PM
I giggle because my house in "under construction" too.  Gary who has TBI and PTSD along with ADHD loves to start projects, especially now since he is having trouble holding down a job.  He starts them and forgets he started it... or ends up getting confused and stops... or gets bored and stops.  Gosh... I have two half-way painted rooms with all the stuff in the middle.  I have one shelf in the garage that he said he'd make for me yet never finished. I also have a chair... etc.  All of these probjects according to him were susposed to be a "surprise" for me.  Yet I saw the unfiished products weeks after they were started ... still unfinished too.  At first it drove me insane!!  I would get agerviated and cry or fuss. He would respond, "I'm just doing it for you.  It's to make you happy."   - He obvoiusly didn't understand and to him he was helping. - Sometimes when I want an organized how it still bothers me. But I've gotten used to it and now thank him for his thoughtfullness. Nonetheless, I end up finishing most of the projects when I have time.... but until it gets done I just tell everyone to excuse the mess. :)
Hartless
by on Jul. 14, 2008 at 5:07 PM
I am also new. I am sorry I have no advice for dealing with Captain Chaos except talk to someone with experience in helping veteran's. Will the veteran's counseler talk to a wife? is there another counseler with experience in vets? Maybe even just a vet who has gotten through the problems and still made a good life for himself.
doglover1
by on Jul. 17, 2008 at 9:13 PM
hello, i just joined this group and reading your post reminds me of some very tough times we had also. my husband got injured severely in iraq in sep.'06. he suffered TBI, PTSD, an arm injury, so he can only use the arm from the ellbow down now ( finally since almost two years now and that was his good arm since he is right handed, too)), and a broken femur ( which now he has a rod in) and last but not least he is blind in his left eye from receiving a head shot , which graced his scull and scared his retina . the past two years been very struggling. especially the first one. but god guided us through it. through argueing, getting feelings hurt, depression, being annoyed, frustration, and so on. it had been very bad at times.
we also have two wonderful little girls and our youngest was born un june'06 when he was deployed to iraq. the kids help the both of out so much. they give life a meaning and let you be reminded not to give up on continue to living your life together. they both uplift my husbands spirits sooooooo much.
my advice is just to think about what brought you together and with love everything is possible. it will give you more patience to handle everything you deal with on a daily basis.
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