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C-section Depression?

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:51 PM
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My son is almost 10 months old and I do not think I will ever recover from the heartache and bitterness I feel about my C-section. I realized recently that this is a huge reason why I can't lose my "baby weight".  I think I have posted about this before but I just need to know who else feels the way that I do. I feel like my doctors are to blame, because no one warned me that my baby might be big, I was too swollen to push, or any of those things. When my glucose test was high, they should have tested it. When the us tech told them my due date was 2 weeks earlier, they should have listened. When I gained 20 pounds of water in my 3rd trimester, they should have induced me at 37 weeks like the midwives tried to pull for for me. When I was put on bedrest, they should have warned me that I could have to have a c-section.  I went through hell and 21 hours of labor and pushed for 3 hours only to be blind-sided by having to have a c-section. I am glad I had a healthy boy and we are both fine, but I find myself being angry at friends when they talk about their vaginal births. When I watch a baby story I cry and scream at the TV. I secretly eat a bunch of crappy food because I feel like I will never be able to get healthy, I don't want to have another baby because I'm horrified of having another c-section. I have zero tolerance for hearing anyone's stories about their pregnancies unless they went through anything that I went through. Does anybody else feel like this at all? I feel like I am all alone and like the hurt will just never go away. Has anyone been there and has anything helped? if so what?

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kellybean44
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:18 PM

I had a c-section with my second pregnancy. It was a scheduled c-section and I have spent the last 2.5 years regretting my decision. I wish so badly that I would have tried. I feel like a quitter.

That being said - I had 2 beautiful baby girls that day - they are both happy and healthy - nothing else really matters.

Daynaof3
by Group Admin on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:39 PM

You are not alone. I have bitterness toward all the things that have happened surrounding my c-section. I blame the doctor for being so pushy, and myself for not sticking my ground and doing more research before giving birth. I grieve over the experience of the birth of my twins. I get jealous when I hear stories about others childbirths. I love to hear them, but inside it kills me that I screwed up. How big was your baby? I don't know the details surrounding your birth, what interventions you had, etc. but it's not uncommon for moms to feel depressed after a c-section. It is especially hard if you wanted a vaginal birth and didn't get to have one. Look to the future and try to be optimistic. Do you plan to have more kids? Have a vbac. That's what I am planning to do, and I am hoping for an hbac if at all possible. I will try my hardest for the hbac! Insurance may be a problem but I will likely see about setting up a payment plan with a cpm. Did you have a cnm? It's surprising that a midwife would push for an induction, but not if it was a cnm, which some people have fondly named medwives. To be honest, an induction may have had the very same outcome. Mine did. Any kind of labor augmentation can lead to cesarean section. That's why I will have no drugs of any kind in any future births I will have, that and also because interventions also reduce your chances at a vbac.  

                                               
gypsysmiles
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:39 PM

I feel your pain. My C-section was caused by a confluence of circumstances all created by healthcare professionals. First was the induction, then them breaking my water after my contractions stopped, then the jerk attaching an internal monitor to my son forcing me to stay in bed. If I hadn't been confined on my back, to the bed - I wouldn't have had back labor so bad I couldn't breathe.

I hope some day to have another child. I will not let myself be bullied next time.

NewMom2RAD
by Member on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:47 PM

She wanted me induced because she thought that I'dbe in worse shape if they let me go on longer. She was actually there the day the finally did induce me, and was there for my whole labor. She was so upset that I had to have a c-section, and when they told me I cried, I was so devastated.

I want to try for a Vbac, but I am afraid that if I don't lose the weight and get healthy first (I was on the brink of gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) and I am pretty sure the reason was the swelling, that and when I was pushing my sons heart rate went down. So I am pretty sure losing weight and getting healthy before I am pregnant again will make a difference, but the depression is keeping it on.

Quoting Daynaof3:

You are not alone. I have bitterness toward all the things that have happened surrounding my c-section. I blame the doctor for being so pushy, and myself for not sticking my ground and doing more research before giving birth. I grieve over the experience of the birth of my twins. I get jealous when I hear stories about others childbirths. I love to hear them, but inside it kills me that I screwed up. How big was your baby? I don't know the details surrounding your birth, what interventions you had, etc. but it's not uncommon for moms to feel depressed after a c-section. It is especially hard if you wanted a vaginal birth and didn't get to have one. Look to the future and try to be optimistic. Do you plan to have more kids? Have a vbac. That's what I am planning to do, and I am hoping for an hbac if at all possible. I will try my hardest for the hbac! Insurance may be a problem but I will likely see about setting up a payment plan with a cpm. Did you have a cnm? It's surprising that a midwife would push for an induction, but not if it was a cnm, which some people have fondly named medwives. To be honest, an induction may have had the very same outcome. Mine did. Any kind of labor augmentation can lead to cesarean section. That's why I will have no drugs of any kind in any future births I will have, that and also because interventions also reduce your chances at a vbac.  


Daynaof3
by Group Admin on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:51 PM

Hello, I think we had the same births! Sounds just like mine! Seriously.

Quoting gypsysmiles:

I feel your pain. My C-section was caused by a confluence of circumstances all created by healthcare professionals. First was the induction, then them breaking my water after my contractions stopped, then the jerk attaching an internal monitor to my son forcing me to stay in bed. If I hadn't been confined on my back, to the bed - I wouldn't have had back labor so bad I couldn't breathe.

I hope some day to have another child. I will not let myself be bullied next time.


                                               
Strwberry
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:21 PM

It has been 4 weeks now since I had to have an emergancy c-section after 3 weeks of being in and out of the hospital and two days of inducing attempts etc... I am so sad and mad that i could not hold me baby right away, I feel we have some bonding issues because of it, I feel upset because after much trying she never latched properly now I have trying to pump but is has been hell and I wanted to only breast feed now she is taking in more formila then breastmilk. There are so may other emotions and frustrations about complications due to staff etc.. at the hospital, sigh I know how youy ladies are feeling.


JasonsMom2007
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:27 PM

I know how you feel.  Finally, 19 months after my son was born I'm to the point I can move on.  Instead of looking back at what I cannot change I have decided to look forward.  Anytime I feel like eating that horrible food I think of a c-section and I don't eat it for the sake of my next child and myself!  I've been exercising as well.  A VBAC is my motivation.  Feeling the accomplishment of having a vaginal birth and knowing that I'm capable of giving birth vaginally is my final goal.

I know it's hard but try to look ahead at what you can change and have control over instead of looking back!

Quoting NewMom2RAD:

She wanted me induced because she thought that I'dbe in worse shape if they let me go on longer. She was actually there the day the finally did induce me, and was there for my whole labor. She was so upset that I had to have a c-section, and when they told me I cried, I was so devastated.

I want to try for a Vbac, but I am afraid that if I don't lose the weight and get healthy first (I was on the brink of gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) and I am pretty sure the reason was the swelling, that and when I was pushing my sons heart rate went down. So I am pretty sure losing weight and getting healthy before I am pregnant again will make a difference, but the depression is keeping it on.

Quoting Daynaof3:

You are not alone. I have bitterness toward all the things that have happened surrounding my c-section. I blame the doctor for being so pushy, and myself for not sticking my ground and doing more research before giving birth. I grieve over the experience of the birth of my twins. I get jealous when I hear stories about others childbirths. I love to hear them, but inside it kills me that I screwed up. How big was your baby? I don't know the details surrounding your birth, what interventions you had, etc. but it's not uncommon for moms to feel depressed after a c-section. It is especially hard if you wanted a vaginal birth and didn't get to have one. Look to the future and try to be optimistic. Do you plan to have more kids? Have a vbac. That's what I am planning to do, and I am hoping for an hbac if at all possible. I will try my hardest for the hbac! Insurance may be a problem but I will likely see about setting up a payment plan with a cpm. Did you have a cnm? It's surprising that a midwife would push for an induction, but not if it was a cnm, which some people have fondly named medwives. To be honest, an induction may have had the very same outcome. Mine did. Any kind of labor augmentation can lead to cesarean section. That's why I will have no drugs of any kind in any future births I will have, that and also because interventions also reduce your chances at a vbac.  



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mamactink
by New Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:41 PM

wow ladies i am soo sorry that you all feel this way!  i have had 2 c-sections my 1st was 8-24-06  with my daughter...i lost most of my weight really fast from BF , walking and cutting out soda an all that stuff!...now this time around considering he is a winter baby 12-4-08 i haven't lost much...only 15 lbs since i have been home...but with him i got to hold him right away!  and 20 mins after surgery he was nurseing in the recovery room!...I am not here to flaunt my stuff but i just feel bad that you ladies feel like this! 

it is a major surgery...they cut through your abdominal wall(muscles)  i am totally aware that after soo many c-sections the harder the recovery...but my 2nd one was easier for me....i wasn't stapled i was glued this time!  ughh i am 5'4 an supose to weight in @ 130..to me that was a little too heavy for my build...i'm usually 110-120  right nowi weight 145 on my home scales at the dr's i weight 153....sooo i am still feeling big!  don't get worked up over it too much!  the baby fat will come off!

keep you chin up an take care!

Connie

AmericanChild82
by on Jan. 28, 2009 at 2:30 AM

I to feel bad about both of my c-sections sometimes. I feel like my body let me down by not being able to give birth to my daughter, but I also feel like my OBGYN let me down too. I know how you feel and I feel for you sweety. Its really really hard to lose the baby weight after a c-section. Although I lost 20lbs in 10days after my little girl was born. With my son it was extremely difficult and I havent lost all the weight in fact put some more on since he was born 5 years ago.

Joey07
by Member on Jan. 29, 2009 at 1:19 AM

With my 1st c-sec I was induced  because my baby was not dropping and went into distress, I had discussed about a c-sec becasue  I was more scared of having the baby vaginally then c-sec, anyways the only thing that I regreat was that I was not able to bond with my baby because they had to take him away and check him out due to low blood sugars etc. and I didn't get to hold him until 4hrs later......which I blame for the issues I had with the bonding, I just couldn't connect with him and I felt like a bad mom for not having those loving feelings for him and it lasted a few months. Now I am scheduled for another c-sec this coming june but I am hopping that this time it will not become an emergency so that I can at least get to see him for more then a few seconds.

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