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I'm fed up with being played!!!!! EXTREMELY LONG!!

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:24 PM
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 I have sat here tonight getting more fed up by the minute, and he's not even home playing WOW at the moment!!!

Today was the one day out of the month that I take off as kinda a "ME" day but I also grocery shop for the month on this day, as well as garage sale or thrift shop. We have one vechicle so I am forced to either make him take a day off or shop on the day he's off ( he's a maintence manager), but mind you my dr. apps are also scheduled for today! So while I was gone the microwave quits working, he calls me and tells me its not working, and that hes gonna try another outlet in a sec. I said ok, but if it doesn't work then jump on craigslist and find one. I walk in the door about an hour later, unload all the grocerys, ask did you check craigslist, and his responce is you guessed it nope cuz rob ( his brother) wanted to run a dungeon and this and that and the other!! GRRRR!!!! So I jump online, mind you I had only about an hour at home till my dr appt., and we are 30 min. from dr office. I check all the normal web sites, from craigslist to walmart and beyond. Get an idea of what they will cost, it takes me not 10 min to do this, the whole time WOW is his only focus!!! I go back to town to dr appt. only to find by blood pressure is thru the roof, well duh if you had a boyfriend like mine yours would be too!!! Then today of all days they have a fill in dr there, well this dr can't get off the fact that I'm fat!! I'm 5' 9" and weigh around 290, have for about 5 yrs now, no real biggie to me, just refill my meds and I'll be out of your way!!!! Well in the end he refused to refill the one med I'm out of, I'm bi-polar as is my WOW addicted boyfriend, but I need this med to keep me sane, ( aka to keep me from killing him)),  So I'm home tonight no meds, thank god they called my S/O in to work tonight or he'd be killed and this is why: not an hour after he left I'm in the kitchen putting away groceries, and I noticed that the microwave HASN'T been moved at all! How do I know this well lets just say that he didn't do the dishes like I asked before I left this morning and they were blocking the door! So I clean off a space near another outlet, and well you guessed it it works!!! G@* D@$#*!!!! Sure glad I didn't go buy another but was still pissed! I can't for the life of me figure out why everything in this F*&$ed up world comes second to WOW!

I want to SCREAM the following at him!!!: Get your head out of your ass and see that your pushing me away so far away that I'm near leaving your ass cuz you don't even know we are here!!!!! I talk to you but do you hear me HELL NO!!! You knew I took myself to the er last weekend cuz I had pulled that muscle, you knew they told me to stay off it and give it time to heal, I even had them put it in writting for YOUR sake, did you care?? F*** NO!!! I still had to cook for you, clean up after you and the kids and do YOUR laundry!!! Did you even once offer to lift a finger?? No because we don't matter!!! WOW was more important!!!! I was 10 days late this month, and started gushing blood, did you rush home to take me to the er, or did you even rush to the er to check on me? No instead you call me to tell me to have debbie ( my only friend here that ended up taking me to the er and who also ended up taking care of my kids) take the kids home around 3:30 and you will be there!!! Mind you I was in the er alone and scared out of my wits, but it didn't matter to you!!! The only reason you picked me up from the er was cuz after sitting in er alone for 2 hours I called you and convinced you that it'd be a waste of gas to go all the way home and then come back to the er, and plus the er doc said I would be done before you got home!!! WHY OR WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO MAKE YOU HATE ME SOOO BAD????!!!!!

I know if I throw all this at you that you will someway somehow flip it so that it's my fault that you didn't want to come to the er to be with me, and that the outlet must of blown after I walked in the door, and that somehow the microwave is magically working now, yup heard it all before. But one thing you need to stop and think about is: did I bitch, wine or complain when we were forced to live out of a cooler ( no fridge or stove) for the first 6 weeks we lived together? NOPE! ( we didn't get a full size fridge until we had lived together for about 5 months, and the stove came after we had lived together for about 3 months!!!)) Did I bitch wine or complain that I had no dryer for the first 6 months? NOPE! ( We had a dryer, he just wouldn't go downstairs to try to fix it!!) Did I bitch, wine, or complain when the washer stopped spinning and I had to wring everything out by hand? Well ok I did wine a bit about that but I still did it for about a month!!! Do I bitch that you spend money on stuff nope, but you sure keep track of every penny I spend of the money I receive in child support and 2/3 of it isn't even from YOUR CURRENT SUPPORT OR YOUR ARREARS ( we were together about 10 yrs ago got preggo and split, lost touch until 2 yrs ago and then decided to try it again, I'm now questioning my sainity on that one!!!)! I never get a chance to spend "YOUR" money!!

In all honest honey I can't keep this up, I'm not your mommy, your maid, or your whore, but I sure feel like all of the above and more!!! I'm not some dog you can just toss aside and pick up and play with only on the days you feel like it. You say I cop an attitude and that its really getting OLD but do you ever stop to think how OLD looking at ONLY the back of your head is getting??? I have told you how much I hate it since you got that corner desk, cuz your backs ALWAYS to us, but you can't even acknowledge that there is a problem even when I lay the problem out for you word for f*&^in word!! This all has to STOP!!! If you really really love us this has got to STOP!! We need to be put FIRST!! NOT I REPEAT NOT second third or on down the line!

If you have managed to read this far I truly THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!! Maybe you have some idea or something that might help! I'm at my wits end and have noone that I'm close to here, my closest family is 500 miles away!! And debbies house is SOOOO packed with people staying with her that its bursting at the seams, I already asked about that!! Everyone says the first year together is the hardest, our year won't be up until July, and I'm not sure if I can survive that long!!!  ANY IDEAS???

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-9):
klickitykat
by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:20 AM

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time.  It sounds like there is more going on than just WoW though.  Have you guys ever tried counseling?  Do you ever just have calm conversations about issues that are bothering you or things are "not working" in your relationship?  Or do these issues typically end up in a battle/yelling match?  Does he think/realize this has any impact on your kids? 

Have you tried something like:

"Honey, we need to talk. I need to talk to you about your time devoted to WoW.  It REALLY bothers me and leaves me feeling unloved and unappreciated when you spend all evening playing WoW, when you don't acknowledge all the things I do for the household/our family, and when we go for hours without speaking." 

I am just throwing examples out there...obviously you have your own examples that you could insert.  But the important thing is that you are 1) Calm, not yelling, not arguing, able to calmy and rationally talk, 2) Be clear and specific.  Give examples without sounding condescending.  Remember that he cannot "make you feel" (you are responsible for your own feelings and your reaction to his actions).  3) Be clear and be clear.  Too many times women get caught up in emotions and feelings and switch to inuendo and vague-ness.  Men don't get that.  You have to be clear, concise, and specific.  You have to provide specific examples of actual behaviors that you perceive as him not loving you, neglecting you, whatever the feeling may be.

I loved the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, and highly recommend anyone having relationship challenges read it asap.

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

I wish you all the best in getting through this.  PEACE.

Alwaysacarnie
by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:32 AM

 I went and added it to my favorites list. Since I figure this is a JOINT problem, I'll be ordering it with HIS child support! The state has agreed to continue garnishing itat least untill his arrears are paid in full! So while they are still garnishing it, he's gonna pay for it! After I go buy our daughter sandles for the summer.

Quoting klickitykat:

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time.  It sounds like there is more going on than just WoW though.  Have you guys ever tried counseling?  Do you ever just have calm conversations about issues that are bothering you or things are "not working" in your relationship?  Or do these issues typically end up in a battle/yelling match?  Does he think/realize this has any impact on your kids? 

Have you tried something like:

"Honey, we need to talk. I need to talk to you about your time devoted to WoW.  It REALLY bothers me and leaves me feeling unloved and unappreciated when you spend all evening playing WoW, when you don't acknowledge all the things I do for the household/our family, and when we go for hours without speaking." 

I am just throwing examples out there...obviously you have your own examples that you could insert.  But the important thing is that you are 1) Calm, not yelling, not arguing, able to calmy and rationally talk, 2) Be clear and specific.  Give examples without sounding condescending.  Remember that he cannot "make you feel" (you are responsible for your own feelings and your reaction to his actions).  3) Be clear and be clear.  Too many times women get caught up in emotions and feelings and switch to inuendo and vague-ness.  Men don't get that.  You have to be clear, concise, and specific.  You have to provide specific examples of actual behaviors that you perceive as him not loving you, neglecting you, whatever the feeling may be.

I loved the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, and highly recommend anyone having relationship challenges read it asap.

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

I wish you all the best in getting through this.  PEACE.

 

Tastyswife
by Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 2:21 PM

Until your BF hears all of this, and really listens, I doubt that anything will change.  Contrary to what people say, I have found that the first year of marriage/living together was easier. 

I would show your post to your man, and get a reaction.  If he reads it and doesn't see a problem, then you have your answer, and you should get out while you can.  The truth is, the majority of WOW addicted SO's do not change.  As the disgruntled spouse, we simply accept it and adjust.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.  Good luck!

Maddies_mom101
by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 6:05 PM

took the words right out of my mouth

Quoting Tastyswife:

Until your BF hears all of this, and really listens, I doubt that anything will change.  Contrary to what people say, I have found that the first year of marriage/living together was easier. 

I would show your post to your man, and get a reaction.  If he reads it and doesn't see a problem, then you have your answer, and you should get out while you can.  The truth is, the majority of WOW addicted SO's do not change.  As the disgruntled spouse, we simply accept it and adjust.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.  Good luck!


Alwaysacarnie
by on Apr. 4, 2010 at 10:29 PM

 I haven't confronted him with it yet, been to busy to even really care.... Ok and so Ive been crying myself to sleep most nights, whiles hes in the other room playing, but other than that I'm ok.... I know this aint my first rodeo, and I know it wont be my last, so I better grab the reighns tight and hold on for the ride. For now Im gonna wait it out, hopefully until mid summer, if we are gonna split I'd rather do while the kids are with my mom for 2 weeks. .... Thanks for your input!

Tastyswife
by Member on Apr. 5, 2010 at 7:52 PM

It is always a sad situation to hear that someone is living unhappily, even for a short time.  Good luck and know that you aren't alone.  There are plenty of WOW wives that have spent sleepless nights fuming over an absent husband and a cold bed.

sneezy
by Member on Apr. 14, 2010 at 1:27 PM

hey. I know your pain all to well.  If we didn't have the kids I would have packed my stuff and moved on.  I totally (*&^(*&^% hate WoW.  

beadlet27
by Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:01 AM

*hugs* feel your pain

Alwaysacarnie
by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 12:15 AM

 I actually like that idea, will have to try it when/ if we get a bigger place. I can't decide if I'm learning to accept his wow addiction or just ignore it. either way he's sitting there playing and I'm here. Some days are worse than others, and when I made the origional post the other thing that was going on was that I'd be in the other room or outside I'd come in the door and he'd close facebook like he was hiding something. We fought over that for 2 weeks or more, until out of spite i started looking up old friends. He sat here that night and watched me look up and find 2 or 3 people I knew from back about 22 yrs ago. Since he was watching I added them to my facebook. He deleted his acct that night. I haven't even acknowledged that he deleted it, I just know, don't ask....... While I'm concerned to some small degree that he maybe trying to hide stuff from me, I'm also willing to admit that I'm very insecure about stuff. I've been hurt alot by guys and though I hope and pray he's here to stay, I know he could leave at any moment. We need counsling, I severely agree, and am looking into getting it for myself if I can't get him to go. I figure one of us needs to be sane, LOL! I did get my own wow acct about 2 months ago, though I only play about 2 hours a week. I'm busy with housework, cooking, laundry, our 3 kids, and our rabbitry that I just have trouble finding time to play for hours and hours and hours!!!!!! I'm hoping that once we get moved about a year away, that we won't be able to have internet for a few months, our property is WAY out in the boonies. Maybe then I can break this addiction of his, til then well I guess like the rest of you ladies I'll suck it up and deal with it.

Quoting lynz6107:

i agree with klickityklac, i think theres something more to it than wow. if you want to be with this guy i suggest marraige counseling. i feel your pain about him being in another room playing wow while your in bed. my husband and i solved that by putting the computer in our bedroom with the screen facing away from the bed so it doesnt bother me. its not the perfect solution but it does make it better cuz atleast now i can talk to him til i fall asleep.

 

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