My Dilemma

[MsKitty612]

Hey ladies.  I need an "objective" viewpoint on this, and thought I'd put it out to all of you.

My divorce was final in February of 2008.  In the decree, it stated that my ex was to file "married, filing joint" for the 2007 tax return, and I was to get 3/4 of the refund since there are three of us and only one of him.  Well, unbeknownst to me and being the jack@$$ that he is, he filed "head of household" with three exemptions (him and the boys), but told me he'd filed MFJ like he was supposed to.  It took MONTHS for him to get me a copy of the return for MY records.  I later found out that the copy he gave me was a "markup" of what he really filed, where he'd changed the numbers to match what he told me, AND he filed an amended return without my knowledge or consent, AND got even MORE money back!!!!

My dilemma is this:  If I take him back to court to get the money he owes me, that's basically stating that I agree with and condone what he did with the amended tax return.  If I file forgery charges against him, I can really mess up his life (which I have to honestly say that's very tempting) but I won't get "my share" of the money he received from the additional refund.  Finances are SO tight right now and I could really use that money, but I know that it's going to take a LONG while for me to get it because he doesn't have a job (or at least not one where he's not getting paid under the table).  I don't REALLY want to send him to jail on forgery charges, but after everything he's done to us (mostly how he's basically forgotten he even has these two boys) the vindictive part of me is saying to nail him to the wall. 

Any thoughts and opinions on this?  I'm really not a bad or vindictive person, but the more I think about what he's done with absolutely NO regard for his kids, the more I want to make his life hell.  Help!

[SuzyQsie63]

Hi Lisa ~  it would be so easy to say just nail him to the wall!  So very easy.  He's obviously not thinking about you or your boys.  But if you go that route, would you or your boys lose out in any way?  Is he providing child support or medical for you all?  Will doing this come back to bite you in the behind? 

I've made some tough decisions myself hoping that in the long run my kids would benefit.  Most of the time it works out.  Some of the time I look like a doormat.  Okay, a LOT of the time I look like a doormat.  But I am who I am and I know that one day, when it's all said and done my kids will appreciate the decisions that I've made were because I wanted to make sure that they get what they need.  Even if it means making him look better than he really is. 

Do what you need to do and don't look back!

 

[badwaitress11]

If he goes to jail, you would get money from the state for the boys.  If it's more than you are getting now, go for it.

You did not divorce him cause he was a great guy.  One  more thing call a lawyer.

[beachatsunset]

I would nail his ass to the wall. If he is to get away with this what will be next? He needs to stop thinking about himself and think about his kids and what they need. I would get an attorney and follow through. You deserve the money and in the end they may force him to give you the whole tax return.

He is wrong and shouldn't get away with breaking the law and you should do what is legally right. It will come back in your favor in the end. Remember good old Karma. (what goes around comes around) Good luck and keep us posted.

[DRL]

I agree that it would be tempting to make his life hell but...after the anger is gone how are you going to feel about yourself?  You all ready know that he is a deadbeat.  You need to do what is going to make you feel best about your self and your situation in the long run. If you had to sit down and explain it to your kids would it come across as vindictive - you hurt my dad because you could, or as making him own up to his responsibilities and actions?

Good luck with your decision.

Denise

[teachingmomma]

I think you should threaten to call the IRS on him if he doesn't give you what is rightfully yours.  Maybe that will shake him into doing he right thing.

[babs40]

I learned to fight fire with fire. Call a divorce lawyer ( maybe you already have one...) every state is different, but in NY if you hire a lawyer and he files the complaint , and IF the courts find him guilty, he pays the lawyer fees...remember it can be a big IF.

 

I have been divorced for 7 years and was told this "theory" of fire by a man friend. Believe me, if a man is not honorable, being "nice" is not going to make him better in the long run. As for of the books, again go to a lawyer for an inicial consult ( in NY they are free.) and as him what leg you have to stand on proving his income...life is not free and courts are not blind. Also If you are in need go to social services and they will go after him for child support for free.

( as for the tax return... falsefing documents are hard. If it was in writing in your seperation agreement... go back to child support court and deal with it there. They will appoint you the money and set up a payment plan via support collects with the state. if he fails to pay, after 4 month they seuspend his license.( in NY state). Good luck.

[auroraluna]

My advice would be first and foremost talk with an attorney! Tell them everything and see where you stand legally in your state. Good luck!