My ex never calls

[mama24]

I have 3 children by my ex, and he never ever calls the kids. He once went 4 months without a call. I try to encourage them to call him but lately they only call if they ask. I am so tired of picking up the pieces. I wonder if he doesn't call because he doesn't want to pay the bills. he will promise the kids he will call but than nothing. Wish he could pu their needs first

[bubbles1984]

Why not just tell the kids they are better off without him and tell him not to call. Sometimes reverse psycology works. But either way the kids don't need a sometimes dad. Tell him either a regular basis or not at all and that you will not keep putting your kids through that. You are the one that had to pick up the pieces not him!

[dr_m]

hi, there are many details we dont know about, but if he was not abusive, he is still their Dad, and unrelieable as he is, I think its, in general, better, if they at least call to keep in touch..  My ex did not attend his kids graduation (my stepchild), and they would somtimes ask me to please make sure he made it..  Its very sad for the kids..  (and for us, of course)..  Will some of these guys EVER realise that they are hurting people by their actions of disappearing? of not being there for the children they brought into the world ??  It does upset me..  that these guys, whatever their problems are, were not raised to be at least responsible individuals towards their own family...  Hopefully, some of us can start changing that by instilling family values into our children. 

I hope they can at least get in touch with their Dad, once in a while  .  even if he does not call them yet, he maybe will later, and the kids and Dad need each other... I lost my own Dad over 3 years ago, and he was about the favorite person in my whole life..  I am thankful every day that I had him as my Dad..  (He was 89 yo, so it was his time..)  but.. still miss him.. They werent all necessarily good in the good old days.. but mine was !  take care, all..

[Poetmom]

Neither of my former husbands ever call the girls. We don't know where #1 is, so Adrienne couldn't call him if she wanted to, and Amy says that if her father doesn't care enough to call her, why should she call him?

[momx7]

Quoting bubbles1984:

Why not just tell the kids they are better off without him and tell him not to call. Sometimes reverse psycology works. But either way the kids don't need a sometimes dad. Tell him either a regular basis or not at all and that you will not keep putting your kids through that. You are the one that had to pick up the pieces not him!

That is exactly what I told my ex! Either he starts calling on a reg. basis, and takes the boys every other weekend like he is supposed to, or he is done.I told him I am done listening to his BS excuses for why he hasn't called in 6 months, etc. It is so hard to see them go through all that disappointment. It is ridiculous for grown men to act like this! I am still waiting to see what happens...this all just happened about a month ago...so far, so good. I'm sure (in my mind) he'll fu** it all up. I am not about to give into his BS anymore.

[momx7]

Quoting Poetmom:

Neither of my former husbands ever call the girls. We don't know where #1 is, so Adrienne couldn't call him if she wanted to, and Amy says that if her father doesn't care enough to call her, why should she call him?

It's so sad isn't it!? We didn't know where my ex was for awhile either ( I wish it would have stayed that way). In my opinion, it is not the child's job to keep in contact with the parent...it's the parents job. Just my opinion and that is how I make sure it goes. If they ask to call, I will let them, but they usually don't ask!

[mama24]

Quoting momx7:

Quoting Poetmom:

Neither of my former husbands ever call the girls. We don't know where #1 is, so Adrienne couldn't call him if she wanted to, and Amy says that if her father doesn't care enough to call her, why should she call him?

It's so sad isn't it!? We didn't know where my ex was for awhile either ( I wish it would have stayed that way). In my opinion, it is not the child's job to keep in contact with the parent...it's the parents job. Just my opinion and that is how I make sure it goes. If they ask to call, I will let them, but they usually don't ask!

wow poetmom, that is the situation here, my kids keep in touch more than he does. If they ask I say yes but lately they hardly ask.

[Gracie0528]

Isn't it sad, and than how do you explain it to your child? My ex has not spoken to his son since 1/28, and last year I think he only spoke to him about 7 times, the rest was to harass me..I'm sorry that you're going through that as well...

[sjmookie]

i never encourage my kids to call - i feel its the adult parents responsibility to keep contact wtih minor children. Subsequently, no pieces to pick up because my kids are use to months of no contact and not being disappointed if phone calls go unreturned - that happened....never again.

My kids receive surprise visits because that way if their dad flakes, they aren't disappointed.

[LivJensen]

Hi...I know I don't have any room to talk about dead beat fathers...I am lucky to not have my kids go through all that. I did however have a dead beat father so on the kids end I know how they feel. I'm 25 and my dead beat dad still doesn't call me. If your kids are young and can't make the decision to call him themselves well you still need to keep up the 'lets call your dad' and what not. My donor side of my family always claimed my mother never let me call him or them which is a total lie. If he continues to be that way when they are older well by then they need to decide whether to keep contact with him. If it hadn't been for my stepmother I would have just quit contacting them, but even then I still never talked to him.
It's the loser donor's choice to be that way. If he wants to miss out on his kids and see how wonderful they are well that is his choice. Just make sure you have a very good man to be a step father to them and they shouldn't ever really notice. Yeah it will still always be in the back in their mind and they will try to reach out to him but eventually they will get tired of having to do all the work themselves and having a onesided relationship with him. Good luck in the future with the man and hopefully he will wake up and realize he needs to start acting like a father and take some responisiblity.

[catgirl]

Mine is the same way. He never calls my son or daughter.. It doesn't really surprise me that he turned his back on both of our children. He did the same thing to his 2 other kids from his 1st marriage. I tried to keep him involved in the 1st two kids lives. He thought if he picked them up and dropped them off with me to take care of, that he was doing his fatherly duty. I don't tell my son to call his dad anymore. The last phone call they had his father asked him why he never calls him. My son told me that he is not ever going to call him. My daughter is an adult and never calls him either. He has turned his back on all of his family----father, step-mom, brothers and sisters also. It probably bothers him that I still have a good relationship with my in-laws.