Should we change the name? Please Read,important

[mama24]

I recently received a letter from a cafe mom member who pleaded and asked me to change the name because she feels that it is unfair to the fathers who do love their children. She also pleaded a case for men who do get the money taken from their paychecks but that the state keeps the money.  I am not denying that this is true. I did write her back and let her know that this isn't a lets bash all fathers group and that the deadbeat issue goes beyond $. I certainly did not want to offend anyone. If you like I can send you a copy of this. Anyhow, should we change the name? If we decide to...do you have any suggestions?? I am hoping to make a decision by the end of the week so your info and upport would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Pauline

[1LittleAngel]

I'd tend to agree witha  name change, simply because I know of a few deadbeat moms as well .. I read a single moms topic on club mom "Your opinion on how single moms are perceived in society" that a poster had gotten "I am offended by your post" responses on her views of single moms, but that same poster who had gotten offended was perfectly ok with slamming men .. The guy across the street from me has three children under the age of 8.. when his wife deserted them, their youngest daughter was 10 months old .. she is now a well adjusted 5 year old in a Christian kindergarten .. his wife provides NO support for them, he provides EVERYTHING down to the last pencil they need for school .. he also pays for their private education (yes he IS in the military and gets paid well enough to do that .. but my point was that his wife and childrens mom deserted them all) .. yes he is unique i know ... I do know there are FAR more moms that dont get any support ..

[mama24]

Quoting 1LittleAngel:

I'd tend to agree witha  name change, simply because I know of a few deadbeat moms as well .. I read a single moms topic on club mom "Your opinion on how single moms are perceived in society" that a poster had gotten "I am offended by your post" responses on her views of single moms, but that same poster who had gotten offended was perfectly ok with slamming men .. The guy across the street from me has three children under the age of 8.. when his wife deserted them, their youngest daughter was 10 months old .. she is now a well adjusted 5 year old in a Christian kindergarten .. his wife provides NO support for them, he provides EVERYTHING down to the last pencil they need for school .. he also pays for their private education (yes he IS in the military and gets paid well enough to do that .. but my point was that his wife and childrens mom deserted them all) .. yes he is unique i know ... I do know there are FAR more moms that dont get any support ..

I know moms who are "deadbeats too" I guess the word "deadbeat is generalized. Thanks for your opinion My issue on deadbeats though does go beyond money for me. My ex pays a little but doesn't shoe he cares through his actions. Doesn't call on birthdays,holidays ect. Never calls at all actually and certainly never visits. Any idea on a new name? I also am not about slamming men, that was not my intention, I just wanted to offer a little support for moms who are raising kids without the help of the dads.

[bubbles1984]

I understand what you guys are saying, but this is a site for moms that wish to take care of their kids and a group for moms with deadbeat fathers. If there are mothers out there with fathers that really care about the kids (b/c that is what deadbeat means that they don't care) that is great, but they will not understand why we are talking about and saying the things we are saying. It is advice and support group for mothers with deadbeat exs. I think the name is appropriate.

Becca

[ilovegarfield]

I agree with Bubbles! There is a difference between deadbeat dads and other fathers who are simply divorced from their exes but still have contact with their kids. My ex has not so much as made a phone call to my daughter in over a year, not to mention hasn't seen her in 2 1/2 years. Therefore, in the courts eyes (and in ours ), they are considered DEADBEATS. And, that is why all of us are here. If this mom has a problem with the name, that's her problem. Apparently she doesn't know the meaning of deadbeat, know why we are here, and doesn't need to join our group. JMO!!!!!
If you all choose to change the name though, that's fine, I just like that it is forward and straight to the point. LOL
I come here for problems and support for me and my daughter here and go to the step parenting group for problems and support in dealing with my SS's.

[GotTwins206]

As abrasive as it sounds, it is true.  We are single mothers, who in one way or another been abused or used by our children's fathers.  If they do not want to take care of their responsibilities then they have deserved the title of deadbeat.  To the mother that was offeneded, she really doesn't have the right to be, because it doesn't even apply to her.  She has a loving man, who is supportive, and is there for her children, and her, therefore she wouldn't even understand half of our struggles, and challenges, does that make sense?  If we are venting or bashing, we have beyond earned the right too!  If you want to change the name, or you don't, that is fine with me, but the context of the group form won't change, so honestly what is the point?

[mama24]

Quoting GotTwins206:

As abrasive as it sounds, it is true.  We are single mothers, who in one way or another been abused or used by our children's fathers.  If they do not want to take care of their responsibilities then they have deserved the title of deadbeat.  To the mother that was offeneded, she really doesn't have the right to be, because it doesn't even apply to her.  She has a loving man, who is supportive, and is there for her children, and her, therefore she wouldn't even understand half of our struggles, and challenges, does that make sense?  If we are venting or bashing, we have beyond earned the right too!  If you want to change the name, or you don't, that is fine with me, but the context of the group form won't change, so honestly what is the point?

well thanks for that, changing the name isn't going to change the groups context...and I agree that changing the name would probably be pointless..I did explain to her that we weren't man bashing but sticking up for our children. I may post her letter, it wasn't rude really but a little one sided. thanks

[jodik]

I agree, I think the title says what we are all thinking. I know that not all men are deadbeats. and there are deadbeat moms. But "deadbeat" is a legal term. Used every day in the court system. There is an add weekly in my local newspaper "deadbeat dad of the week" w/ a picture of that dad. I think the REAL deadbeat dads and moms should be outed. The way I look at it is I love my son more that anything in the world, but I was not alone in making him. So why is it that my new hubby and I are the ones financially, emotionally, spiritially, and mentally supporting him. It is not all about money. Money is the smallest factor in a deadbeat. Love and support and showing the child that they are important and special is the most important thing. Taking care of your children is most important, way more than money. My stepdad's ex wife ran out on him and thier 2 kids. He is raising them (now w/ my mom) and his ex is a deadbeat mom. There are deadbeat moms, but this is a site for moms, why would we have a "deadbeat parents group" None of us are going to say "my child's mother is a deadbeat" we are their mother!!! To answer your question, no I dont think you should change to name.

[GotTwins206]

Quoting jodik:

I agree, I think the title says what we are all thinking. I know that not all men are deadbeats. and there are deadbeat moms. But "deadbeat" is a legal term. Used every day in the court system. There is an add weekly in my local newspaper "deadbeat dad of the week" w/ a picture of that dad. I think the REAL deadbeat dads and moms should be outed. The way I look at it is I love my son more that anything in the world, but I was not alone in making him. So why is it that my new hubby and I are the ones financially, emotionally, spiritially, and mentally supporting him. It is not all about money. Money is the smallest factor in a deadbeat. Love and support and showing the child that they are important and special is the most important thing. Taking care of your children is most important, way more than money. My stepdad's ex wife ran out on him and thier 2 kids. He is raising them (now w/ my mom) and his ex is a deadbeat mom. There are deadbeat moms, but this is a site for moms, why would we have a "deadbeat parents group" None of us are going to say "my child's mother is a deadbeat" we are their mother!!! To answer your question, no I dont think you should change to name.

I agree with you, well expressed!

[ariel91]

it is just a title, not everyone can be happy with everything.  my oldest dd's dad isnt technically a deadbeat, but has been in the past and only is interested because wife makes him so she can get at dd.  people have to understand that there are deadbeats out there, whether we like it or not.

[2miracleboys]

Leave the title the way it is. Why should we have to sugar coat the truth...some men are scum and don't give a damn about the kids they helped create!