I try really hard to be tthe good guy. I try my hardest not to badmouth my ex in front of the chiildren, but it's really hard sometimes. I also find myself defending him only because it helps ease their pain sometimes and also it is easier than talking trash about him. Any advice? Does anyone else struggle with this one?
Posted by
on Feb. 8, 2007 at 11:58 AM
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Of course other people have trouble with that! I try really hard, and most of the time I do fine. Except for those times that he does something and I am so mad and caught up in the moment that I just want to spit!! I just go outside and calm down. I tell my kids to stay in the house. My hubby and I go outside and have a chat! We badmouth and say whatever we want to say. Then, we go back inside and we are vented! And at night when the kids go to bed, we vent somemore. I try not to think or talk about him at all when my son is around. I try to be the bigger person too. (him and his mother are ALWAYS badmouthing us to him) It's bad. My son will come home and say that we are evil. We are going to jail. He says that his granny is going to shoot me, my husband, and our daughter dead. It's terrible stuff. But we breathe,and say to him "wow, do you want her to shoot us all dead?" He says "No, I love you" and thats the end of it. Try not to think about your ex, or talk a/b your ex if your kids are around. If you have to, then take a deep breath and remember this.... badmouthing the other parent, no matter how deadbeat they are, only hurts the kids. Hang in there girl. We are here for you to vent to!!!
by
New Member
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 12:04 AM
Totally hear ya on that one! I usually wait until Ds has gone to his house then my hubby and I say things while hes gone, for about two minutes and I'm all better. You need to get it out though, just watch who its around. I know its hard! I have found myself bitting my tongue so many times! Glad to have this board now though!!
by
on Feb. 14, 2007 at 8:16 AM
My girls are teens, and they have reached a point where they want the truth about their fathers, so that is what they get when they bring up the subject. I don't usually even mention their fathers unless they bring up the subject....they aren't a part of what goes on in daily life in this house, you know?
by
on Feb. 14, 2007 at 10:20 PM
I dont care ill bad mouth his father, i know this sounds horrible, but hes a horrible guy and i would like my son to know that! my son is gonna get hurt if i lie and say hes a good guy, why? he dont call, pay support, beleive that his son is his, or ask to see him! he has kids who are more imporant! so why lie and let my son get hurt! my ex, the one after his father has been more of a father than his father as been, hes there for him and still is to this day. everytime he comes over, alex runs to him hugs him! I wont lie to him i can do that! i just want my support money! thats all im asking, his father is a player and i dont wanna raise alex in taht enviroment why u think i left him to begin with! it wasnt for me, it was for him!
by
on Feb. 15, 2007 at 8:53 PM
Quoting Aprilee:
I dont care ill bad mouth his father, i know this sounds horrible, but hes a horrible guy and i would like my son to know that! my son is gonna get hurt if i lie and say hes a good guy, why? he dont call, pay support, beleive that his son is his, or ask to see him! he has kids who are more imporant! so why lie and let my son get hurt! my ex, the one after his father has been more of a father than his father as been, hes there for him and still is to this day. everytime he comes over, alex runs to him hugs him! I wont lie to him i can do that! i just want my support money! thats all im asking, his father is a player and i dont wanna raise alex in taht enviroment why u think i left him to begin with! it wasnt for me, it was for him!
My parents bad mouthed each other growing up I couldn't stand it good or bad let him figure that out. I am honest with my son about his father in a way he understands w/out trashing him. I figure he will know that he is a piece of S*** when he grows up and doesn't even know him.
by
New Member
on Feb. 16, 2007 at 9:17 PM
I choose silence for now.. I have nothing good to say about my ex except that he helped make one adorable baby.. Other than that, I'm pretty much not saying anything about him until my son is old enough to ask.
by
Group Owner
on Feb. 16, 2007 at 10:19 PM
Quoting JCam8506:
I choose silence for now.. I have nothing good to say about my ex except that he helped make one adorable baby.. Other than that, I'm pretty much not saying anything about him until my son is old enough to ask.
probably a good choice. yeah I would do it all over again if it meant having the great kids i have.
by
on Feb. 17, 2007 at 1:59 PM
I know it is hard, but you can't bad mouth them in front of the kids! My oldest was 2 when her bio-dad left, 3 when i started dating my husband, and 4 when we got married. She doesn't even remember living with her bio-dad.
We have had a strict rule since day one about no bad-mouthing bio-dad in front of her, and believe me, we have a lot to say. But....now, she has figured out for herself what kind of person he is and that has had much more impact than anything I ever could have told her. She is 12 now and her bio-dad has been married and divorced 3 times and is currently engaged to girl #5 (that I know of) since he left us. These guys don't need any bad-mouthing, they will prove themselves in due time.
Added bonus - you don't look like the one who "drove them away" because of all your nagging and complaining!
Just keep it nice on your end, your kids have been through enough without having to hear it again from you.
We have had a strict rule since day one about no bad-mouthing bio-dad in front of her, and believe me, we have a lot to say. But....now, she has figured out for herself what kind of person he is and that has had much more impact than anything I ever could have told her. She is 12 now and her bio-dad has been married and divorced 3 times and is currently engaged to girl #5 (that I know of) since he left us. These guys don't need any bad-mouthing, they will prove themselves in due time.
Added bonus - you don't look like the one who "drove them away" because of all your nagging and complaining!
Just keep it nice on your end, your kids have been through enough without having to hear it again from you.
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- mama24
on Feb. 8, 2007 at 11:58 AM