Do your children express feelings of abandonment? if so what do you tell them? For those with really young children what do you think you will say if and when they ask?
Posted by
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 12:31 PM
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New Member
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 3:09 PM
I currently have one child that is living with me, that asks A LOT why doesnt my daddy love me, why doesnt my daddy ever call me? and so on. I usally tell her a lie, like most mothers do, I tell her that your daddy is really busy working right now and just has not had the time to call you or come see you. Even though I have been telling her this lie for about 5 years now, I think she is finally starting to realize that I am lieing. I hate to continue to lie to her, but what other option do I have? I have noticed that here in the last year or so she hasnt asked about him as much. I dont want her to ever forget her father, I just would rather her not ask about him. I grew up not knowing who my real father was and my step father daily beat me and my brother. My current husband does none of that to my daughter, he is always there for her, and suppprts her. BUTT, she is not his, and she knows that. She wants a daddy of her own. ya know?
aunt lelly
aunt lelly
by
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 3:17 PM
The best advice I can give is to explain to the child that you don't understand why "daddy" hasn't called or visited, but you'll see if you can find out. Then, reassure the child that you love them, and remind them of why they are so special.
That way, you're not lying, and it gives you a chance to call the ex if you want, or start legal action if you can.
That way, you're not lying, and it gives you a chance to call the ex if you want, or start legal action if you can.
by
Group Owner
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 3:26 PM
my elsest who is 10 is starting to tell me she feels neglected, thather dad doesn't really know her and that he treats her like she is still the little girl she was when he moved away. I tell her to tell him those things and when she does get the opportunity to talk to him on the phone she refuses to tell him how she feels and if I try to say something, it means nothing to him. My 9 yr. old son feels abandonned to but he still has faith that his dad will come around, my 5 yr. old does not remember him being here and really asks no questions yet. My husband tries to be a good dad to my kid but the 2 eldest kids still want their "real" dad to be a "real"dad
by
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 5:53 PM
Quoting AUNT_LELLY:Sooner than later you are going to have to tell her the truth, or she will RESENT YOU for it. Don't be the target of misplaced blame and anger.
I currently have one child that is living with me, that asks A LOT why doesnt my daddy love me, why doesnt my daddy ever call me? and so on. I usally tell her a lie, like most mothers do, I tell her that your daddy is really busy working right now and just has not had the time to call you or come see you. Even though I have been telling her this lie for about 5 years now, I think she is finally starting to realize that I am lieing. I hate to continue to lie to her, but what other option do I have? I have noticed that here in the last year or so she hasnt asked about him as much. I dont want her to ever forget her father, I just would rather her not ask about him. I grew up not knowing who my real father was and my step father daily beat me and my brother. My current husband does none of that to my daughter, he is always there for her, and suppprts her. BUTT, she is not his, and she knows that. She wants a daddy of her own. ya know?
aunt lelly
by
Group Owner
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 5:56 PM
I agree with got twins...he doesn't deserve you to defend him...maybe tell your daughter that he has things to work out and explain that it really truly isn't about her. I try to do that myself. Eventually she will be able to see that you did all you could and that he did nothing.
by
New Member
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 6:17 PM
My son is 9yrs old and he doesn't ask about his bio dad. He knows he exist and he knows he is a deadbeat. He may mention him every once in a while, maybe to tell about something that happened along time ago that involved him, but thats it. He hasn't seen or talked to him in 5yrs and he calls my fiance daddy and has since he was about 4. And if he does have a queston or may happen to ask about him I don't lie to him.
by
on Feb. 14, 2007 at 8:38 AM
My oldest daughter, who is now 17, has been asking me since she was 6 why her father doesn't love her, and what she can do to MAKE him love her. My 14 year old has just recently begun to feel abandoned by HER father, and to express feelings of being unloveable.
In both cases, I have always tried to make them realize that they are special, they are loved and loveable, and that the way things are with their fathers is not because of anything they have done or haven't done. I tell them that it's his loss if he chooses not to spend time with them, and that I'm sure he DOES love them, and is just not good at expressing it to them.
In both cases, I have always tried to make them realize that they are special, they are loved and loveable, and that the way things are with their fathers is not because of anything they have done or haven't done. I tell them that it's his loss if he chooses not to spend time with them, and that I'm sure he DOES love them, and is just not good at expressing it to them.
by
on Feb. 16, 2007 at 3:56 AM
my daughter doesn't ask.. yet. i think the truth about everything is too much info for a ten year old to handle. i really don't want to use that old lame line "i'll tell you when your'e older" but maybe that's the way things have to be. things are looking up for us in this new life and she likes and respects my boyfriend. they seem to be developing a great relationship doing things like cooking together or talking about school. maybe she'll find a great male role model in him if not a father figure.
by
Member
on Feb. 16, 2007 at 4:30 AM
My daughter is only 3 months old, but I know she'll ask one day. I'm going to do what my mom did - tell her the truth as best as I can. I love and respect my mom for the way she handled talking to me about my father (I never even met him until I was 23 yrs old and he's still not part of my life). She told me about him when I was 5 years old and I don't think I really started asking questions until I was a teenager. She never said anything good or bad about him, but answered my questions with unbiased facts or a simple "I don't know." She always told me if I wanted to contact him she would help me. I'm so lucky to have my mother to turn to for advice about this!
by
Group Owner
on Feb. 16, 2007 at 6:18 AM
Quoting hiddenpoet:
my daughter doesn't ask.. yet. i think the truth about everything is too much info for a ten year old to handle. i really don't want to use that old lame line "i'll tell you when your'e older" but maybe that's the way things have to be. things are looking up for us in this new life and she likes and respects my boyfriend. they seem to be developing a great relationship doing things like cooking together or talking about school. maybe she'll find a great male role model in him if not a father figure.
You would be surprised at what a ten yr. old will understand. She may have a better knowledge of it than you know and perhaps doesn't say anything because she may not know how to approach it. I am glad that your b.f. is stepping up and eing a good role model for her. Maybe you are fulfilling all her needs right now and she doesn't need "her dad" My daughter is 10 and was witness to a lot of crap when her dad and I were together. It is hard for her because he is here again and gone again, no consistency at all.
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So very sad! How Pathedic
- mama24
on Feb. 9, 2007 at 12:31 PM