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Dont I have a right to be upset??!!

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:17 AM
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My ex fiance left me at the very beginning of April...not even 2 mths later, he already has a new gf and acts like we never had anything. This number one upsets me but I can get past that. He didnt leave anything for me & my 11 mth old daughter except rent payments & bills plus all of the stuff i need for her. I moved out & back in with my mom for a bit til I could get everything straightened.

He has never gave me a dime for her or even bought me a pack of diapers to help out. He has seen her about 5 times since he's left & only called twice to see how she was doing...but thats all he wants to kno...doesnt ask if she has everything, doesnt ask if anything new is going on with her, doesnt ask if shes gettin to all of her doctors appts...etc. Then to top it all off, he puts his gf on the fone to tell me thats who she is & to try to tell me that I NEED to tell him how shes doin...sorry but I dont NEED to...if he doesnt wanna pick up any of his other responsibilities then why should i give him that one?? Am I wrong for that??

I ran into him the other week at his work when I was going there to see my "adopted" mom. He seen the invitation I had for her for my daughters first bday. He asked if he was gettin one or if I never had plans on inviting him. I told him the truth that I never intended to cuz my whole family is gonna be there who cant stand him and I dont need a whole bunch of controversy at my daughters first bday party. He said if he came he was gonna bring his gf so of course I said definitely not! Thats even worse than just him comin! Why should I let him bring his gf to MY daughters 1st bday?? Is that wrong??

He got completely pissed off for it and didnt understand why I would be upset for him askin for his gf to come. He talked to my "adopted" mom and told her to ask me if he is still comin and to let him kno. He still doesnt get that I dont want him to nor does my mom...he isnt welcome at her house after everything hes done. I was thinkin about maybe lettin him spend the day with her on her actual bday. Not by himself of course cuz I just dont trust him with her by himself...I left him alone once & I just dont feel right about it....Im too protective of her cuz shes my first. I think hes gonna have a problem with it cuz Im also gonna say that I dont want his gf along either...I just dont feel she should be around my daughter. She has a daughter & he spends more time with hers than his own. Should I give him the opportunity on her bday and is it too much to ask him to be alone & that he isnt takin her by himself??
by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:17 AM
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by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:30 AM
In some ways I understand where you are coming from.  I was the one that decided I wanted to divorce my ex-husband - he fought it for a while. 

Anyway, he would try - at first - to call and ask about seeing his daughter last minute (I had told him right way that if he wanted to see his daughter for the weekend to call me by the middle of the week - so I would know what kind of plans to make - not call me that Saturday morning and think I would drop everything and change things last minute becuase all of a sudden he decided he wanted to see her).  I would tell him that it wasn't happening because I didn't get enough notice from him (he has no license - let alone a car - so I am the one to drive her to her father's). 

He would play the childish-card and bitch how he had rights.  I would throw back that he had responsibilities like paying his child support that he wasn't (still hasn't - not that I care because I have been doing this on my own since day one anyway - he was in jail when she was born - but that's another story) and how I had told him all along that he needed to call me sooner in the week rather than last minute becuase I was not at his beck and call when it came to spending time with his daughter. 

He has come to learn over the years a little better.  Now if he is dumb enough to call me last minute - albiet he says right away how he knows it's Friday instead of Wednesday or Thursday - but if I tell him plans have already been made he accepts it.

But back to your dilema of letting the ex spend the day with his daughter.  I say let him spend the day - but not with the new GF around - and if you are comfortable enough with it - with you around - for a few hours.  You know a baby at such a young age - unless he is comfortable enough to change diapers and other baby stuff - isn't the same as spending the day with an older child.  That's just an idea and what I might do if it was me.  Hope it helps a little.
by New Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:47 AM
I know this is a very crazy time for you, Your a new mom and he's out having a good time not helping you with your daugther. I think it's about time that you should stop thinking about hurting him. If he wants to see and be apart of her life, he needs to step up to the plate and take it all on. I mean really, he should be paying child support to start. He needs to make time for her one-on-one, not with his gf. If he doesn't stay with this new woman that's just going to confuse your daugther. She needs bonding time with him, not a group of people, she may never see again. I've been there with my ex-husband, he's over 4,000 behind in child support and never really cares about his son. I have horror stories but we don't need to go into them. Stand up for yourself and for her. If he can't be apart of her life full time without being with you, then remeber some day someone will want to. If you have a feeling that he should not have her by himself stick with that feeling, he can see her on your terms. If you want to chat about it more let me know....
by New Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 12:35 PM
i am going through the same thing and if he wants to be there as a full time father than let it be but if he only wants to come around when its convienient for him than i wouldnt let him because it would only screw up your daughter.
by Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 12:37 PM
Thank you both so much!! Its not that I feel guilty for him...I just feel that if I dont try for him to spend time with her that when shes older it will sumone come back on me and I dont want her hatin me for it....I just dont feel comfortable with his gf spending time with my daughter...Im the only mom she needs. It just hurts me so much that things have to go this way & hes missin so much in her life but thats his loss. I just dont see how he can spend all this time with his gf's daughter but his own means nuttin to him but he plays to everyone else that he doesnt see her cuz of me.

I feel comfortable spendin the day with him if he wants to see her for her bday but as soon as he starts sumthin its done with. Only problem is I think strongly that hes gonna have a problem with my restrictions. He just cant see its better than nuttin & has to bitch bout it. He should be callin me in a lil bit so I can talk to him about it & I wanted to get sum advice first.

Im also worried & stressed out from my child support hearing comin up in august. I just got the papers today & found out his mom is comin which is what bothers me cuz I kno shes gonna be runnin her mouth & I dont want her there cuz of all the threats she made towards me & my daughter previously. I just think they're gonna make me look bad cuz i havent had a job since I was pregnant in 2005 & have been a stay at home mom since she was born & now Im pregnant again. He has the job & everything else & Im at home with a baby so its gonna look bad on me like all I wanna do is sit at home & have him pay me money but it aint like that. I just feel that since he aint doin anythign else then i should get the money to get shit for her that he should be....I just dont kno anymore
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