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My story - share yours, if you want, willing to listen

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 9:18 PM
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My ex & I have 3 sons, 5yr old twins & the youngest is 3.  He wasn't around for my pregnancies & over the past 4yrs he's been  around off & on @ his convenience.  He didn't see them for 1 yr (March '06-March '07) & the last time I got any $ from him was June '06.  He has missed b-days & holidays & my twins whole 1st yr of school.  Apparently he's had a girlfriend for a few years, but has told me everytime I asked "No, why are you seeing someone?" (Like I'd have time) I found out 4 days before X-mas last year via MYSPACE about her.  What a gift. My first thought was to call him or go to his mom's house-where he lives, & blow his other life out of the water.  I didn't, I kept my cool & focused on my sons even more.  What hurt the most was knowing that he's put her over getting to know our sons, they're such awesome little men already.  Apparently his relationship broke up around the 1st of the year & he's decide he wants to "try " to be here for them.  He's seen them 2 times since the 1st of the year, there's was supposed to be a 3rd time he promised our sons, but he had to get "his oil changed"- I BET he got his oil changed.  Anyway, he called recently to tell me about his niece's b-day (my sons' cousin) & to tell me some relatives were coming that would like to see my sons.  He talked to my sons(hung up 2wice, because"his phone messed up") & said he'd call them back SUPRISE,SUPRISE, he didn't.   It amazes me that after all he's done , not just to me, but most of all to our sons, he still feels he has the right to expect anything from us.

by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 9:18 PM
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DovesMom
by Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 9:53 PM

What a jerk!
You know they all feel bad years later, when the kids are grown and all the work is done, they usually want to connect with them.

Here's my phone rules:
After my daughters father dissapointing her all the time I changed the rules.
I told him he was not allowed to call my house, but she could call him whenever she wanted.  That way it wasn't always the "bad date" syndrome.
She was in control and not always waiting for him to call when he said he would.

My daughter called her father recently and he said he couldn't talk because he was watching his girlfriends 3 year old daughter and she needed all his attention.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!! What a slap in the face to my poor baby.


Tell your ex if he wants a relationship with his kids he has to do it YOUR WAY, and you set the boundries and limitations so your kids are protected.


And you were right to turn your attention to your kids, instead of following your anger at him.  They need you and your energy, don't waste it on him.


I totally feel for your situation.... keep us posted.

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