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I Need Advice For Custody...

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:03 PM
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I took my ex for child support which is coming up in Aug....I just find out that hes going for custody afterwards cuz hes pissed.

His family is a real mess...his mom constantly cuts herself for attention and is in a psychotic ward almost all the time..its like her second home basically. Just bout everyone in his family has mental issues including himself but his never were that bad until the end of our relationship when he started to hit me & get really mad easily & one time accidently hit my daughter in the head with the door from his anger.

This is why I got away from all of them while I was pregnant & havent let my daughter within so many feet of them cuz Im very protective of her. Well my ex's shit got real bad cuz he was refusing to take his meds sayin there was nuttin wrong with him cuz he dotn wanna end up like the rest of his family who abuses the meds they're given.

He lives with his mom now & has contact with the rest of his family. Im afraid of him gettin unsupervised visits with my daughter cuz I kno for sure sumthin will end up happenin to her & I couldnt live with myself for that cuz I would be handin her over to them by court order. I wouldnt have a problem if he would get supervised visits cuz I would be there at all times so I wouldnt have anything to worry bout.

My question is what exactly can I do to make sure or at least try my hardest for supervised visits....what against him do I really need?? I live in Ohio if that helps anyone cuz things may be different in different states..
by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
n8tivemommy
by New Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:16 PM

Well I kinda had the same situation (but my ex is a drug addict) he wanted to have joint child custody. However, it never went thru he had no job, still live with his parents. Okay main point here, YOU the mother can ask permission for supervised visits, knowing his violent history. I hope this can help you?

Marie-Z
by Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:20 PM

I only have pics of my face after he hit me but no proof it was him that did it....the only proof i have of his violence basically is when he kicked my door down at my apartment cuz i made a police report about it...i dunno if that would be enuff tho...i thought it was up to the judge to decided unsupervised or supervised whether i requested it or not. Also he hasnt come to see her in 3 mths or gave her anything within that time period except a 25 cent stuffed animal.

DovesMom
by Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:35 PM
Be prepared to show he is not a fit parent , and that he is not emotionally stable.

Did you ever talk to your childs pediatrician about the physical violence?

You could always request a letter from the pediatrician with reccomendations.

Also has he paid any child support or any $$ towards the care of your child.
Make sure to state those facts as well.

We take it for granted , but REAL parents whether the court has ordered them or not, actually make ongoing payments , and buy things for their kids. They call frequently and ask to see their kids and try and make arrangements.

If he hasn't done these things he's probably not preparred.
And remember just because he has to pay child support, doesn't mean he will receive the right to spend time with your child. DO REQUEST SUPERVISED VISITS.... in my daughters case I can also request a drug test whenever I am suspicious of his behavior per the court.

ARM yourself with info.... and I'm confident things will go well.
Good luck :)
Marie-Z
by Member on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:42 PM
Thanx I feel I have a lot to use against him but still am feeling very worried about it..I cant help it...I probably will continue to feel this way til its over with...I just hate puttin this much stress on myself with me bein pregnant again but he doesnt wanna claim this one. Its just a lotta ppl keep tellin me its hard to prove sumone unfit so its gonna be hard to get supervised visits but thats all im askin for.
celtcfaery
by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:52 PM
I think the judge will take the police report as pretty sufficient reason for supervised visits.  Tell the judge his history, and your concern for your daughter.  In all honesty, since he has an impulsive personality, he'll probably never follow through with the custody case anyway.  He probably just did it because he was pissed.   You might want to talk to an attorney.  Are there any legal aid offices near you?  If he's on meds that he's not taking, maybe they could subpeona his medical records and get proof from the pharmacy that he hasnt been taking them regularly.   I have read from numerous posts on here though, not to keep him from seeing her entirely, because refusing to let him see her looks bad to the judge. Good luck!



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Marie-Z
by Member on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:19 AM
Yeah Im hopin all this goes for me like I want it to. I have a legal aids office near me but if he gets a lawyer there first then I cant but if he gets a regular lawyer then Im not sure if I want one from legal aid or a really good one to help me. Im not keeping him from seeing her at all...he just doesnt want to & uses the excuse that I wont let him to make himself look good. I told him time & time again to come see her but he bitches cuz hes 25 mins away...for ur daughter..thats not that far. He's either workin or out with his gf which is why he dont got time for his daughter. I have to take her to his work just for him to see her which is pretty bad...Im makin more of an attempt than he is....
celtcfaery
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 11:52 AM

Quoting Marie-Z:

Yeah Im hopin all this goes for me like I want it to. I have a legal aids office near me but if he gets a lawyer there first then I cant but if he gets a regular lawyer then Im not sure if I want one from legal aid or a really good one to help me. Im not keeping him from seeing her at all...he just doesnt want to & uses the excuse that I wont let him to make himself look good. I told him time & time again to come see her but he bitches cuz hes 25 mins away...for ur daughter..thats not that far. He's either workin or out with his gf which is why he dont got time for his daughter. I have to take her to his work just for him to see her which is pretty bad...Im makin more of an attempt than he is....
I know how you feel about not thinking that its that far for him to come visit.  My 4 year old's dad lives 2 hours away, which is kinda far, but he hasn't seen her in more than two years.  Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.  I actually had a dream last night that he tried to get full custody of her, and the judge laughed in his face.  It was a bitter/sweet dream. =)




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Issysmom
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:06 PM
Try to start documenting everything. If he calls, buys something, sends money, has a visit with the kids, starts to act a fool.....anything. It is basically your word against his in the court room. Anything that you have as far as evidence goes will help you. I kept receipts of everything and had a little calendar for everytime he called (I wrote down the time, and what he talked about, which was never my daughter), I took a camcorder and recorded all of our text messages. Things for me went better than expected because he never even showed. I would take the police report and state to the judge in a letter why you are requesting supervised visitation and sole legal and physical custody. I would also say that you are not trying to keep you children from their father but that you just don't feel that they would be safe alone with him and don't trust him. Good Luck, I wish you the best.  
Gunners-mom
by New Member on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:20 PM
WOW, I can only imagine your concern. My first question is do you have an attorney? If so they really should be taking steps gathering information to hold against him in court. I am not really familiar with Ohio's laws and regulations however in Florida I do know a little. I would be pulling up ANY thing on that family as much as I can. Go to the courthouse and pull all criminal background etc. FIRST OF ALL this is so so so so so important, every GOOD attorney will tell you to get a journal and make sure you write EVERY time you have contact with the other party. When he calls, when he doesn't show up, anything crazy that went on etc. Make sure you keep it professional and straight to the point, you don't really want to put your opinion in it just facts. This journal will count as evidence in court. The judicial system figures if you take the time to write it down it must be important enough as an issue so they use it in the court system as written evidence.

Now in Florida it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get a child away from the mother. You either have to be a drug user who has been caught using in front of the child or prostitution etc. It is really hard for a father to gain custody in this state. I really feel that he is just trying to scare you, I think with the situation you are saying it is in that household you won't have any problem at all against him in court. Any judge in their right mind wouldn't place a child into custody in such a screwed up environment (at least I hope).

Make sure you just scape and scape anything you can get on either of them. The more dirt you have on them the better. Get a file and start putting EVERYTHING in it. If she is in a mental hospital im not sure what all is public record but try to get anything you can from there. Keep a log when she goes in, what for, how long etc. Try to get information about their bills too. See if they are getting paid on time etc. I know it's terrible and but maybe you can use their last name and say it's Mrs.....so and so and check to see if the bills are current etc and ask them to fax you pymt history b/c you are trying to make sure the bills stay current?? I dunno.....desperate measures. I tell you what, I have done some crazy stuff to find out information on my ex, I KNOW that he would be TERRIBLE for my son to be with and I will do anything to make sure that he stays with me. I love my son more than life itself and cant imagine one day without him, it scares me to no end to think of my ex geting to have him for days at a time. I know he probably wouldn't harm him but he would have NO idea how to care for him and his disability. If you need any pointers message me....lol

GOOD LUCK!
celtcfaery
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 4:18 PM

Quoting Gunners-mom:

Now in Florida it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get a child away from the mother. You either have to be a drug user who has been caught using in front of the child or prostitution etc. It is really hard for a father to gain custody in this state.

No kidding man.  I always tell my boyfriend when his ex is being retarded that 'the only way you'll get custody of the kids is if she sets them on fire while she's smoking crack.'  And its pretty true, because a lady we know of set herself on fire while she was working on her meth lab in her garage, and she still kept custody of her kids.  Our goverment at work, woo!


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