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Help writing letter

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:39 AM
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My daughter's sperm donor and step mom have a bad habit of keeping the clothes I send her in for her overnights.  Now they change her clothes during her 10 daytime visitation and I don't get those back either.  I have started to keep the clothes he sends her in as "hostages" until mine return.  If he returns an outfit, I return an outfit.  I want to send a note with her for the next visit asking them to please return my clothes.  Last time I did this, I got my clothes back with a nasty letter from the child bride which I promptly gave a copy to my lawyer.  Any suggestions on how to ask to please return my clothes without having it blow up in my face?

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by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:39 AM
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shrtsassycutie
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:43 AM
You know it really sounds like they are playing a game with you. Have you thought about not just saying anything and try sending her in clothes to the visits that they have send from their house. Atleast that way you aren't loosing anything and she will probably come hoem in either an outfit you sent or something from their house.  It's worth a try....

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LifeAfterLisaJ
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:48 AM
My ex-husband was keeping the nice clothes I was buying for our daughter and sending her home in clothes I would not pay for ~ or stuff that was way too small. I did the craziest thing! I actually talked to him. Keep his new wife out of it because the child is not hers.

Since my talk with my ex, he returns her in the outfit I sent, or returns the outfit with my child.

I get the idiotic stuff our ex's do, I have had more than my share, complete with him only paying me $50 per month in child support ~ which he wanted physical evidence of what it went to, even though I was paying medical, dental, vision and daycare! Oh so many stories!

My point is, even if you are sheltering your children from the 'ick' happening between you and your ex, kids pick up on it AND feel responsible for it. I don't think this is something you need to pick a fight about... just talk to your ex!

Also, if you can keep the notes from your ex & his new wife and give them to your lawyer, they can do the same. NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING!
alis_mom
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:50 AM

Quoting shrtsassycutie:

You know it really sounds like they are playing a game with you. Have you thought about not just saying anything and try sending her in clothes to the visits that they have send from their house. Atleast that way you aren't loosing anything and she will probably come hoem in either an outfit you sent or something from their house.  It's worth a try....

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Yeah, tried that.  She just comes home in one of their outfits again.  They are big into playing games with me so you're right, this is probably just another one.


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alis_mom
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 10:56 AM

Quoting LifeAfterLisaJ:

My ex-husband was keeping the nice clothes I was buying for our daughter and sending her home in clothes I would not pay for ~ or stuff that was way too small. I did the craziest thing! I actually talked to him. Keep his new wife out of it because the child is not hers.

Since my talk with my ex, he returns her in the outfit I sent, or returns the outfit with my child.

I get the idiotic stuff our ex's do, I have had more than my share, complete with him only paying me $50 per month in child support ~ which he wanted physical evidence of what it went to, even though I was paying medical, dental, vision and daycare! Oh so many stories!

My point is, even if you are sheltering your children from the 'ick' happening between you and your ex, kids pick up on it AND feel responsible for it. I don't think this is something you need to pick a fight about... just talk to your ex!

Also, if you can keep the notes from your ex & his new wife and give them to your lawyer, they can do the same. NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING!
tried talking to him.  He doesn't take care of her, he leaves it up to the wife.  He never knows when or if she's had her meds because he doesn't do it.  He just plays with her and hands her back.  I've called him about things like meds and clothes and he just turns and asks the wife.  He defends her choices to no end so it is like talking to a brick wall.

My lawyer suggested I send him letters when it has to do with things like this and I give her a copy.  This way I can show that I have made an attempt at being nice and getting things done.  Especially when it comes to vacations and he claims to have no knowledge at the week before we leave. No lawyer in the county will take his case because he didn't pay the last lawyer he had for custody and is getting sued by him.



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bratzmommy
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 11:31 AM
This may sound bad but instaed of a letter have you tried not sending clothes with her.When they ask why you didin't say that you feel that while she is their since they have clothes for her their that she should wear those.Let them know it just means that there will be less confussion on what clothes you've sent that need to come home with  her form the visits and that may get the ones they have kept.Otherwise I would suggest telling your dd father that we are raising our dd and that when you ask him a question youneed him to answer it and not the wife.If he can't think for himself then I am stumped.
alis_mom
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 11:35 AM

Quoting bratzmommy:

This may sound bad but instaed of a letter have you tried not sending clothes with her.When they ask why you didin't say that you feel that while she is their since they have clothes for her their that she should wear those.Let them know it just means that there will be less confussion on what clothes you've sent that need to come home with  her form the visits and that may get the ones they have kept.Otherwise I would suggest telling your dd father that we are raising our dd and that when you ask him a question youneed him to answer it and not the wife.If he can't think for himself then I am stumped.
The only clothes I send are the ones on her back.  I leave clothes at her daycare for her to be changed into when he returns her.  They take off the clothes from his house and put them in the bag that goes to his house.  He can't think for himself, I think he fried his brains out on too much drugs when we were together.


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MommyChance
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 1:58 PM
Mark the clothes that you send her in.  Not on the tag, cause that can be removed, and make sure it cant be washed off.  Write your name or her name on them somewhere, that way they cant claim that they are the clothes they bought! I would also make sure to return the clothes they bought, then they cant claim that your keeping theirs! 
BebeCGC
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 7:34 PM
talk to the ex directly, and tell him that even if they have not had a chance to wash the clothing that you sent her in, to just put them in a bag and return them with her from the visit.  label the clothes with your name.  obviously, don't send her in any of her nicer outfits.  maybe just buy a pair or two of some cheap plain basic shorts / pants / t-shirt / sweatshirt, and put her in that every time you send her.  I know with a past situation that it came down to writing a letter before every visit, to put in the childs backpack, stating any med's that the child was taking, or any health issues that were going on, and listing each item of clothing that he brought with him to have it be returned with him.  that way they didn't each have to buy a pair of winter boots, jackets, etc.
alis_mom
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 7:41 PM
He told me once to never send a letter, he never reads them anyway.  Even when it pertains to meds and health, he'd rather hear it from me on the phone.  But my lawyer said to keep writing it and give her a copy to so it can be filed that I am doing everything to communicate.

I sent her in one of his outfits and here is what I wrote:

I was going through Ali's clothes and found some that are yours.  If I find more, I will send them next time.  Would you please return the outfits from your house so that she could wear them before she outgrows them?

I didn't get a phone call from him so I assume he didn't get upset.  I'll know for sure tomorrow when she returns from daycare and if she has the clothes in her bag.


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mamamom431
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 8:13 PM

how about a bitter sweet letter saying that if you need to keep supplying your daugters clothes for both homes you will talk to your lawyer about adding the cost to your child support or something in that line maybe thowing something in the lines of What a shame that your daughter will outgrow some of her outfits before she will get to wear them or if washing the is that hard the cad send them back as is.[child bride might not know how to ha ha]

I am still waiting for the outfit my daughter wore to her christmas concert to come back!
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