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My Son Calls His Dad The Sperm Donor

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:03 PM
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My son, Coleman, is 13 years old and his father is behind $28 thousand dollars in child support. Coleman's father left me when I was two month's pregnant with Coleman and he kept on telling people that the baby wasn't his-so, I cut off any ties that I had with him and done the best I could alone. I already had two girls who are only one year and 11 day's apart and I was raising them on my own so, I figured what was one more-I would work it out somehow. I had trouble through out my time of being pregnant with Coleman-I was put on complete bedrest for the last four months and I had a stroke when I was eight month's pregnant-I was still trying to take care of my two daughter's in the mean time with very little help along the way. Just recently, I got married to someone and he was talking about adopting Coleman-I have not really made a decision about if I really want to do that or not. Coleman's dad has been dragged in and out of Court for the child support (even been arrested and escorted into the Court Room) but, he is still not getting the entire picture. Ed did not have nothing to do with Coleman for most of his life and in the last year I have tried including him but, he makes everything all about him and nothing about what is best for my son. Coleman has some very bad medical problems and his father does not even pay attention to those facts. A couple of weeks ago, Ed called me cussing me out because he only had $50 dollars left out of his paycheck after his wages were garnished for his child support and he wanted me to do something about it-he wanted visitation rights and I refused to allow him to see his son-he has no visitation right's accorrding to the courts and my son does not want to see him at all and he does not even want to speak to him. I refuse to force my son to see his sperm donor if he does not want too. Ed has threatened to kill my son if I force him to pay child support and he has even threatened to kill me if I don't stop forcing him to pay support. I am not scared of him but, I do fear for my son because my son isn't not a small person and Coleman just once wants the chance to beat up his sperm donor because of all of the disrespect he has given to me. I want my son to defend me but, not that way. I am sick of being cussed at, threatened, and yelled at for trying to get Ed to face his responsibilities when it comes to creating a child. I have raised Coleman on my own all of these years and dealt with all of his health problems on my own without Ed's help and I don't want his help-I just feel he should help with something along the way. My credit is so, messed up from Coleman's medical bills that my insurance won't pay for that I can't even get a loan to buy a home-one bill on my credit is $98 thousand dollars and it pisses me off that Ed grips to me when his paycheck is on $50 dollars-I keep telling him look at the amount you owe me in back child support and then look at the outstanding medical bills and the fact that his son's medicines only cost $1000.00 a month and then ask me if I care what he gets in his paycheck. I joined this group to be able to share my story and get advice from other mom's going through the same thing as me and my son. I that if it was not for my two daughter's helping me everytime that their brother got sick or helping me out as they got older so, I could work full-time I would not have made it. This is very difficult to deal with when Ed calls my home and talks to me the way he does because it makes me want to give up on getting the money for my son and doing what I have always done and do it on my own. Thank God, I am not the only mom going through this-thanks for listening to me vent.
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mother_of_5
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:14 PM
Hi,  I'm sorry to hear what your going through.  My ex left me for another woman when I was pregnant with our third child,  decided that he no longer wants to be a dad.  my kids haven't seen him in 4 years straight.  My 15 year old daughter calls him a jackass.   My 14 year old son doesn't claim him either and my 12 year old says her step dad is her dad, not him lol.  He owes over 40,000 but we know  we will never see it.   If I were you, I would let your husband adopt him and just leave his biological dad out of it.  Your son doesn't seem to want anything to do with him anyway.  My boyfriend wants to adopt mine when we get married, I'm going to let him.  My ex doesn't deserve to be in my kids lives, he wasn't there before and he never put them ahead of anything, his friends, and alcohol always came  first.    My kids deserve so much better than that creep.  If you ever want to talk, just let me know!!  I'll listen and try to give you some good advice.  talk to you soon!!!    Becky
Alaskan_Mom
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:17 PM
My children call their father(s) sperm donors as well because the men refuse to be an active part of the their lives.  My husband is their male role model.  My ex-husband too threatened me back in 1994, he didn't know I had another child as she was just born.  He called my folks house where I just happened to be screaming at me that he refused to pay the child support on my daughter because I left him (he was cheating with everything that moved, physically abused me, emotionally abused me, verbally abused me).  He then told me he knew where I was and he was going to come kill me and take my daughter so he wouldn't have to pay the child support.  I immediatly called the police who issued a restraining order and he was not allowed to enter the state.  If your situation is as such you need to get the police involved because you and your children should not be wrapped up in such a horrible ordeal, always having to worry about when he's going to strike, if he's going to strike, etc...Protect your children and yourself.  You said you got married, your husband can help but it's totally up to you on weather you really want to continue having contact with such a person.  If it were me I would allow my husband to adopt my child so the contact would be limited to the amount of back owed support...but that's just me.

Good Luck!!!!
snugglyeeyore21
by Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:26 PM
i would go down to the court house and file a restraining order for both you and your son, change your # and have the child support checks sent to a p.o box so if you ever move he cant find you.
tammyleuhall
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:32 PM
Thank you for your replies. I have been to the police on several occasions and here in West Virginia unless, he is physically here on my property there is nothing that they can do except tell him to stop harrassing me-basically until he physically does something to my son or me there is nothing I can do to him in the law enforcement field including a restraining order. As far as, my husand adopting my son that is a very big iffy situation because I don't know if my marriage to him is going to last because since we have been married his whole attitude about certain situations have turned around and I am afraid if I let him adopt my son and something happens in my marriage I will be fighting against another man over my son and I am just not up for that when it comes to my son. Unless, there are so very big changes I won't let my present husband adopt my son right now. I only talk to my son's dad when I have to and it is usually only when my son is having health issues or unless he calls here I try to avoid him. My son's dad left me for another woman too and three month's later he got her pregnant and they have four kid's together but, they are not together anymore and he only pays for one of them for some odd reason-I am not sure of the whole story behind that one and I probably don't want to know either. My son will probably continue not to have anything to do with his sperm donor but, I can not help that-I have tried to be a civil as I can with him and sometimes it just does not work. I am sorry for the situations you are both going through and it is very hard to deal with at times. I have only had one thing that has gotten me through all of it and that is my son. One day at a time is how I take it and we work it out somehow every time. Thanks for your advice.
tammyleuhall
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:36 PM
I have tried a restraining order and it does not work he has other people deliver messages and there is nothing the police or the courts will do about it at all. Having my number changed I have tried that one to and it does not work somehow he keeps on getting the new number and it has gotten very expensive doing that so, I gave up on that idea. Now, I just call the police everytime he calls and show them on the caller id when they get here and file another police report and I take copies of those to Court with me everytime we go and eventually, the Judge will get mad and do something about it.
snugglyeeyore21
by Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:36 PM
is there a womans resorce center down there? cause i know up here in r.i if you feel at though you are in danger you can go directly to the court house and get the order. he doesnt have to break the law, its to prevent him from doing so and saving you. i would try. i will try to find you some #'s of people who can help you.
snugglyeeyore21
by Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:38 PM

Quoting tammyleuhall:

I have tried a restraining order and it does not work he has other people deliver messages and there is nothing the police or the courts will do about it at all. Having my number changed I have tried that one to and it does not work somehow he keeps on getting the new number and it has gotten very expensive doing that so, I gave up on that idea. Now, I just call the police everytime he calls and show them on the caller id when they get here and file another police report and I take copies of those to Court with me everytime we go and eventually, the Judge will get mad and do something about it.
thats breaking it by passing mes. through friends! do you have a lawyer?
tammyleuhall
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:41 PM
In our state the only way the Courts really get involved is if there is physical contact because they have gotten pretty strict about helping people with restraining orders all of the time. Every agency that I have talked to here says until he physcially does something that won't help me because for now the only thing he is doing is talking a whole lot of crap trying to scare me just so, I will drop the child support.
tammyleuhall
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:46 PM
I can not afford a Lawyer and I have tried Legal Aid and they won't help me because it has not become a custody case as of yet. He does not want physical custody he just does not want to pay support. I have tried every thing that I can think of with the police, agencies, and I even called the Governor of my states office three times and I have gotten nowhere. I am to the point of taking my son and moving as far away as I possibly can and hopefully, then the sperm donor will leave us alone.
momlovesJesus
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 5:48 PM
My 15 y/o daughter calls her dad the same thing.  He just totally abandoned her for the last time last week.  We havent seen or heard from him in over a year and then one day we run into one of his sisters and she gives Tara his number... Tara calls...they talk and thats that.  Tara calls back a week to the day later and her aunt that he dad was living with said he got really mad because they told Tara where he was so he packed up and left... I truly dont get how a father can just turn they're back on their kids like that.  Tara had a ring that her dad gave her and while we were at Arby's she took it off dropped it on the floor and kicked it under the soda machine.  she let it make someone else happy.  As for Child support...I have two deadbeat dad's on that. My older three kids dad was paying but when he filed his income tax he quit his job banking on that 2,700.00  guess he shouldnt have done that because the Attorney General took it... and as for Tara's dad we wont even go there.  He hasnt paid a penny. 
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