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advice please!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 6:49 PM
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my little boys father and i split when i was 5mths preg.he cheated with his ex partner when we were together....while i was in hosp with viral meningitis carrying his child.when this happened i was so angry i told him not to speak to me again and that he wasnt getting to see our son after what he done.however when my son was born 11mths ago all the anger melted away and i asked his dad to come see him,he refused saying he dint want nyfing to do with him.it broke my heart,he was back with his ex partner at this point and she was a bitch about rhys and made him choose between her and his other kids or my son(rhys),he chose them.anyway 5mths later they split up and my son suffered fits,i called his mum to let her no as we were still very close but he answered and seemed genuinely concerned so i allowed him to see rhys whenever he wanted,he said he would come see him every sunday and did for about a mth.after that he would never show,sometimews he would but this would maybe be about once a month for an hour.i told him it wasnt good enough as he takes his other 2children overnight for whole wkds every fortnight and he had to start taking rhys to,he told me he couldnt and wouldnt give me a reason why and wouldnt explain why he wasnt showing up either.i`ve since told him if he wants to see rhys to get a solicitor as i`ve had enough of him letting our son down and putting him last in his list of priorities.rhys is 11mths old now and has seen his dad maybe about15times tops(not thru my lack of trying!).am i right to give up and stop access and prevent my son being hurt in the future or will a court give him access.has any1 been in this situation before and have any advice?
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 6:49 PM
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Replies (1-5):
LMBecher
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 6:55 PM
For me I have been is a similar spot and from my judgement you have to do what is best for the your child. It's better to have no father than one that is only there when convenient to him. Sooner or later your son will know the truth of his father and you will have to let him be the judge of his father and let him make his own decision.
kfoxn3
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 8:39 PM
My girls dad has not been arond or a part of thier life since we split about 10 years ago.  My oldest one defends him still as she remembers him being around, my other 2 hate him and want nothing to do with him.  Kids figure things out on thier own and you have to let them do that, just try and not badmouth dad to your son, it is a hard thing to do I know.  The best advice I can give you is be the best mom to him and he will love you even nore for being there for him through everything.  Good Luck!!!
GigglnMnM
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 8:45 PM
Your situation is simular to mine with my ex.  Although my sons father has only seen him maybe 10 times and he's almost 4 years old.  You can't force someone to be a parent when they don't want to.  If he comes into his life on his terms, then it'll be better for your child, if not then your child is better off without him!!! Otherwise your child will know he's an inconvenience and isn't wanted and that's not a good situation for your child to be in!
mommy_2kids
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2007 at 9:13 PM

i  am going though the same thing my ex is doing the same thing to my boys
my oldest one is in forest care and the family going to adopt him. while i was pregent with our second child he would not see my oldest child for  6months
now he doing again with our second child he wont even call to see how he doing thank god my second child is 3 month and dont does not now what going on. but as my boys get older they find out how there father is.

dkaam05
by on Mar. 23, 2007 at 9:22 PM
I say , dont let him see him!!!  My sons father maybe saw my son 5 times in his life and he is now 5 years old.  He cheated on me when I was about 4 months pregnant  and I didnt find out it was going on until I was about 6 months and I left him at that point.  He has a son thats older than my son that he see's every sunday.  He tells everyone that my son isnt his, which we had a dna test done and it proved he is.   When my son was about 2 he would call and say he wanted to see him, so I would take him and to find out all he wanted to do was sleep with me.  Thats when I cut everything off.  My son doesnt even know he exist.  Which is fine by me and my fiance.  My fiance is the only daddy he knows, and will be until the day he turns 18.  My sons father is a loser and doesnt even deserve to have children.   You dotn want to hear your son going around askign wheres my daddy all the time.  you need to tell the father he either stays in his life, or stays out of it, your not going to ruin your sons life.  Just remember your son is whats important!!
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