Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The worse thing that could possibly happen...

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 5:45 PM
  • 13 Replies

Soooo...we have been ttc on the dl for a while. Well, he dropped a nice little bomb on me the other day. I got extremely frustrated when I got af the other day, so I downloaded an info packet of a list of things we can do to help get pregnant. It was $30, but honestly I have already read half of it and it's amazing! There is so much info in this packet! Anyway we are talking at dinner and he says..."I don't think it's the right time. I'm not really ready for another baby. I mean, if it happens it happens but I don't want to "try" to get pregnant." I was so upset. I don't know what to do because I mean I already bought all the vitamins and started the exercises and learned a whole lot of things I can try to move things along. So do I just continue to "try" or do I just not try...I'm so emotional about the whole thing and he doesn't seem to understand why it's such a big deal.Please help!

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 5:45 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Sweet_Britt
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 5:51 PM

I would just do what you do. Do your exercising, take your vitamins and stuff. You do what you do and what you're comfortable with. Dont necessarily involve him in all the other stuff. Its puts a LOT of pressure on them anyway. 

I just told my husband, OK, we're doin it tonight, and he was ready....lol. I didnt tell him about my "mucus" or "Im ovulating, stick it in me". Its what I had these girls for! I could talk to them about everything : )

Pregnancy%20ticker

newmama008
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:07 PM

If you ask my hubby...we are not "trying". Sure he gets upset when I get AF every month but in his mind it just happens whenit happens,  he doesn't know anything about TTC. I dont really tell him either...I take my OPKS when he's at work and when it's time to BD I turn him on a lil and we go at it...It's so much easier this way guys dont take this sort of thing very well and they just don't understand why we get all obsessed over it lol. I don't obess over my symptoms with him either that's what Cafemoms for! hehe

hurst0three
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:08 PM

I agree. You just worry about you, don't put added pressure on him. Don't tell him when you ovulate, when you take a test, vitamins you're taking, etc. I know it sucks not to really involve him but a lot of men feel so much pressure to have sex when ttcing that they lose the interest for another baby because sex becomes more of a "job" for them then a pleasureful experience for them. Just relax, you do what you do to keep yourself busy and healthy and if it happens, it happens. My hubby started to pull the same stuff with me so we talked and decided ok if it happens, it happens. The next month we were pregnant. Put it in God's hands and hopefully He will bless you with another baby soon! Good luck mama!

MRSnMOTHER
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:39 PM

HHMMMM. Maybe it's just me. I include my hubby in this process, he knows when I am ovulating. We agreed to get off of birth control. It sounds as if your hubby wants children with you but is being honest about not being ready now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it hurts you because this is something you really want. You can't force it on him and BD with him knowing you are ovulating and not tell him...well you can but it is so dishonest in my opinion. If he is saying he is not ready then perhaps you should find understanding in his words and not be mad at him. This affects his life as well as yours.
 
Just my opinion, Best wishes have faith that it all will work out.



Follow me to Handmade Mommy
Follow me to Sewing Diaper Divas

BlessednHappy
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:42 PM


Quoting MRSnMOTHER:

HHMMMM. Maybe it's just me. I include my hubby in this process, he knows when I am ovulating. We agreed to get off of birth control. It sounds as if your hubby wants children with you but is being honest about not being ready now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it hurts you because this is something you really want. You can't force it on him and BD with him knowing you are ovulating and not tell him...well you can but it is so dishonest in my opinion. If he is saying he is not ready then perhaps you should find understanding in his words and not be mad at him. This affects his life as well as yours.
 
Just my opinion, Best wishes have faith that it all will work out.


Lilypie Trying to Conceive 21 to 37 day cycle tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickers
Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
ready_for2
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 8:41 PM

aw mama dont worry about him. as long as he is fine if it happens, then just spare him all the troulbe about charting, Oing, BDing...etc. men dont want to hear about all of that. it makes sex seem too complicated for them. they just want to have sex. period. they dont want to think of it as a 'job' or 'chore'.

go ahead and keep track of your cycle, use OPK if u want even, to find out when you O. then just make sure you have sex on those days. dont say 'honey we better have sex today cause im about to O' ... just have sex like normal. spare him the details.

Mrs.Nester
by on Mar. 7, 2010 at 11:43 AM


Quoting MRSnMOTHER:

HHMMMM. Maybe it's just me. I include my hubby in this process, he knows when I am ovulating. We agreed to get off of birth control. It sounds as if your hubby wants children with you but is being honest about not being ready now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it hurts you because this is something you really want. You can't force it on him and BD with him knowing you are ovulating and not tell him...well you can but it is so dishonest in my opinion. If he is saying he is not ready then perhaps you should find understanding in his words and not be mad at him. This affects his life as well as yours.
 
Just my opinion, Best wishes have faith that it all will work out.


That is exactly the way I feel. He should be involved in it too. Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I'm sure it will happen when it's supposed to. :)

Sweet_Britt
by on Mar. 7, 2010 at 11:48 AM

fROM WHAT i (Whoa, sorry about the caps...lol) understood, he wants a baby, he just doesnt want to "try try" for it. Doesnt want to be actively trying, but wants the baby. 

I dont think its dishonest if shes prepping her body for it. And of course never lie to him about it. If he asks if you're ovulating, you say yes. If he asks what the vitamins are for, tell him...lol.

If he's saying hes not wanting another baby right now, then for sure, dont be doing the vitamins and charting and stuff. I must have misunderstood.

Quoting MRSnMOTHER:

HHMMMM. Maybe it's just me. I include my hubby in this process, he knows when I am ovulating. We agreed to get off of birth control. It sounds as if your hubby wants children with you but is being honest about not being ready now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it hurts you because this is something you really want. You can't force it on him and BD with him knowing you are ovulating and not tell him...well you can but it is so dishonest in my opinion. If he is saying he is not ready then perhaps you should find understanding in his words and not be mad at him. This affects his life as well as yours.
 
Just my opinion, Best wishes have faith that it all will work out.


Pregnancy%20ticker

Benjamins-mama
by on Mar. 8, 2010 at 10:42 AM

Totally agree.  if hubby is saying he doesn't think its the right time then maybe you should talk with him about it but to plan on still "trying" even though he has said he may not be ready is dishonest and can cause problems in the marriage.  Having a baby effects him too not just you so you have to take his feelings seriously. I've seen women talk about how they are going to try to get pregnant even though their husbands don't want anymore or are not ready and they ended up getting divorced or they have had arguments a lot.  i think its best to include hubby in TTC because it does effect them too.

Quoting MRSnMOTHER:

HHMMMM. Maybe it's just me. I include my hubby in this process, he knows when I am ovulating. We agreed to get off of birth control. It sounds as if your hubby wants children with you but is being honest about not being ready now, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it hurts you because this is something you really want. You can't force it on him and BD with him knowing you are ovulating and not tell him...well you can but it is so dishonest in my opinion. If he is saying he is not ready then perhaps you should find understanding in his words and not be mad at him. This affects his life as well as yours.
 
Just my opinion, Best wishes have faith that it all will work out.


pnut1027
by on Mar. 8, 2010 at 10:50 AM

Ur DH sounds like my DH except he hasn't said he wasn't ready.  We talked and decided to stop all BC last Oct the only thing he said was it's going to be done his way. lol  He also has the if it happens it happens attitude. He said he doesn't want to know when I O, so I just do my OPKs when he is at work, but we BD like every other day & so far he's okay with not knowing.  GL to you & I would just keep up with the vitamins & exercising it's good for you anyway.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)