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Dear God, please help me with my future family...

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:02 PM
  • 10 Replies

I had a child in 2005 after 7-8 months of clomid. I got pregnant again in 2006 after 5 months of clomid. The child child passed away after 5 months of being in the hospital due to a heart defect. We were heartbroken, but knew we wanted more children. We prayed for our next child to not have a heart defect (our chances were 7%), and in 2008 we became pregnant again. I do not feel like my family is complete, and I really want to get pregnant again...so my husband and I decided to try again.

Here is the problem. I have a clotting disorder so I take blood thinners during my entire pregnancy, not a problem as far as I am concerned, but my hemotologist (who I also work for) doesn't want me to get pregnant again. He said we have the perfect family, a 4 1/2 year old son (who also has my clotting disorder), and a 1 year old (who does not have the clotting disorder).

Am I crazy to try again? We seem to have the perfect nuclear family, but I don't feel complete. Because our second child's life was cut short, I don't know if I will ever feel our family is complete. I want more children, but at what cost?

Just remember

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away               (I don't remember who wrote that)

 

by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MoriahL
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:04 PM

That is tough! I am not sure what to tell you! I would hate for u to go through another loss! Try to appreciate the two u have! I lost one and feel the same but will we ever feel complete after loosing one??

Good Luck!

Working from home to be with my kids!

http://www.workinggreenmoms.com/

 

Allison7777
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:06 PM

The child we lost was 5 months old, so we even got to hold her a few times. She made it to term, but had complications during her first open heart surgery

Kittynip
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:11 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. After losing my son a month ago (3 months old) I always wonder ifanyone will ever be able to fill that void. I don't have any answers but I hope you have as big of a family as your heart wants :)

candcsmom2008
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:24 PM

I think this is a hard question to answer.. I pray that you will have the family size that you would like.. My opinion it seems that you are trying to fill avoid and I am not sure that void will ever be able to be filled by another child.. GL MOMMA Pray about it momma!!

LilyBeansMom
by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:34 PM

No one but you and dh could possibly make that decision.  My prayers are with you!

Hrivera5
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:00 PM

 Super hard choice.  And only you and your hubby can make that decision.  I can only tell you about my experience...well, my mother's experience.  She had hard pregnancies/births....doc told her no more kids after me.  So, my dad went and got a vasectomy.  She has always regretted not trying again.  Still to this day, she gets really down about it.  So, something to think about when you are making your choice.

Allison7777
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:03 PM

Thank you so much for your reply. I don't want to wonder what if.. years down the road.

I guess I will continue to pray on this and lay it in God's hands.

cheekie1
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:09 PM

im so so sorry. i know the feeling of missing a part of your family, and feeling like you are imcomplete. i lost my daughter very unexpectedly when she was 8 months old, and even though it was 8 years ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. we are currently expecting our 5th child (so four at home) and i still wonder if i will ever feel like my family is finished. this is our last child, but i alsready feel incredibly sad to think i will never get to have a baby in my belly again, or to give birth, and swaddle a newborn after this time. hang in there, and just remember you need to do what is right for YOUR family, and not what other people think is right... if we had listened to all the people who thought losing our daughter was our chance to "start over" i woudl be missing out on 3 of the most incredible blessings i have, and i would not be getting ready to add another one!

Allison7777
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:23 PM

Thank you so much. I know what you mean about missing out on "special  blessings" Some people thought getting pregnant after Kylee passed was a mistake, but then we wouldn't have Juliet now,and I can't imagine life without her!

Quoting cheekie1:

im so so sorry. i know the feeling of missing a part of your family, and feeling like you are imcomplete. i lost my daughter very unexpectedly when she was 8 months old, and even though it was 8 years ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. we are currently expecting our 5th child (so four at home) and i still wonder if i will ever feel like my family is finished. this is our last child, but i alsready feel incredibly sad to think i will never get to have a baby in my belly again, or to give birth, and swaddle a newborn after this time. hang in there, and just remember you need to do what is right for YOUR family, and not what other people think is right... if we had listened to all the people who thought losing our daughter was our chance to "start over" i woudl be missing out on 3 of the most incredible blessings i have, and i would not be getting ready to add another one!


Mrs.Arney
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:32 PM

If you do not feel your family is complete than no you are not crazy! I would check with your ob/gyn and get their take on the reisks of you getting pregnant again. never settle for one persons opinion. I know what you mean about feeling incmplete, me and DH lost our first pregnancy last July...I feel incomplete also. It will come mama just keep praying

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