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Need opinions (not about TTC)

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:00 PM
  • 15 Replies

Hi everyone! This is in relation to TTC... sort of. My daughter is in dance class once a week. She is friends with a girl in dance and the mom and I have become friends as well. They were over 2 weeks ago for a playdate and the mom opened up and told my husband and I how she has been having some TTC issues and miscarried twice. Her last due date would've been this December and she still has a really hard time with her loss. We found out we're expecting and I am due in June (and we knew I was expecting while having this conversation, but we aren't telling many people until we are in the 2nd trimester)

So, she's pretty animated and outgoing. She was saying how she hates all pregnant women (being sarcastic but I think there is some truth to that statement) and how a few months ago she saw that someone announced their pregnancy on facebook and how she had to deactivate her account for a few months because she was a mess over it. I really feel for her and I feel terrible about her losses, but I don't know if/when I should tell her that we're expecting... obviously I am going to continue to grow (if we are blessed with another full-term baby) and I just feel super awkward about it.

Then at dance today all 4 moms (including me) were having a conversation and another mom brought up how she had fertility issues and went through IVF and suffered 7 miscarriages (she has 2 children) the other mom (my friend) opened up about her 2 miscarriages (that I knew about) and the other mom said she tried IVF too then ended up adopting their daughter.

I feel so bad for these women (and I'm sure a lot of you can relate in here) but, I don't know what is better... just not mentioning anything and let them see my growing belly?? Or do I tell them when we hit the 2nd tri-mester? I'm really trying to tread carefully, especially with my friend, because of the pain she endures when other women are pregnant. I would hate to be the cause of this pain - but at the same time my dad made a good point - she has been blessed with 2 children (we have 1) and I feel like I shouldn't feel this awful about expecting my 2nd. 

Sorry this is so long!

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
1moretolove
by Silver Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:07 PM
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I do get somewhat jealous of all pregnant women, just because I want to be so bad. But that being said, I'm also happy for them. It's not your fault that she miscarriage and she knows that, just don't treat her any differently than you would anyone else and let her choose how she'll react. The balls in her court.
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ashleysmommy123
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:14 PM

That's a tough one.....I can understand a woman's pain when they aren't successful in conceiving, especially when they miscarry as well.  However, I think some women forget how blessed they are especially when they already have 1 or more children.  I feel for women who are unable to have any of their own, but I also think that God has a plan and for those who can't conceive any, like the other woman you spoke of, a child who would have been without parents was blessed to be adopted.  I am TTC #2 and I will be dissapointed if it doesn't happen but I am blessed to have a beautiful 6 year old girl and if that is all God has planned for me, then I will accept it! I guess I can't really answer your question.....because of the way your friend is, you can't avoid the hurt feelings.  I think you should tell her when you tell everyone else....no need to tell her earlier but I wouldn't prolong it until its obvious either.  Just be prepared for her reaction.  IMO shes being overly dramatic...

luvhubandbabys
by Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:16 PM
Be upfront with her.. tell her in person.
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nymphogirl06
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:47 PM
ok im January my two week old passed away. my cousin found out two weeks later that shes pregnant. she didnt want to tell me she was pregnant because she thought i would hate her. she finally tells me after telling everyone else. i told yes its a sore subject right now but hate no. you just have to let her know you guys were waiting to let everyone know you did mean any harm you conceived before the conversation
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lhunt8
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:55 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't feel like I need to tell her when I conceived - even though it was before our conversation I feel like I shouldn't have to say when... Before or after it has been in our plans to have children, same as hers - ya know?

Quoting nymphogirl06:

ok im January my two week old passed away. my cousin found out two weeks later that shes pregnant. she didnt want to tell me she was pregnant because she thought i would hate her. she finally tells me after telling everyone else. i told yes its a sore subject right now but hate no. you just have to let her know you guys were waiting to let everyone know you did mean any harm you conceived before the conversation
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lhunt8
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:56 PM
Thank you to everyone else who responded :) I appreciate the advice. I think I will tell her when we tell everyone else.
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nellyb118
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:58 PM
I would tell her,I'm sure she'd be more bothered if you didn't.
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lhunt8
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:59 PM
Tell her when we tell the rest of our family and friends?

Quoting nellyb118:

I would tell her,I'm sure she'd be more bothered if you didn't.
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Bbygirl87
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:04 PM

 I say yes tell her when ur ready to tell the rest of ur family.. good luck hun and congrats on ur pregnancy.. H&H 9 and lots of healthy sticky baby dust

Quoting lhunt8:

Tell her when we tell the rest of our family and friends?

Quoting nellyb118:

I would tell her,I'm sure she'd be more bothered if you didn't.

 

Cafe Kate
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:39 PM
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Yeah, I'd tell her when you start telling people, so that she hears it from you first. I think she'll appreciate that. Maybe tell her away from the other moms just so she can take it all in.

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