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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

BAD news early in the morning

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 So I guess my bf was in deep thought last night , he woke me up and wanted to talk about ttc , which I THOUGHT was good new . But he's starting to have secong thoughts about it because im not working right now and have no car, although he has a very good job and a car. So the 21st is out of the question , and now we are aiming for sometime later in the year :'( im very hurt because I was so excited about ttc for the first time it was all so perfectly planned out , and since the 22 is his b-day I was going to have candles, flowers , wine , and cook dinner and it would have been so romantic and beautiful to concieve a child on that day . UGH im so mad right now

frustrated

by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 11:05 AM
Replies (31-40):
arab.love.19
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 12:57 PM

Well she doesn't have to push him he wanted first then just changed his mind there has to be something behind it and he loves her he won't leave her they are planning a wedding. I think he sounds like a good man. And not all men are like that some are diff. In my culture (I'm muslim) we are encouraged to have kids at a young age. But of course not everyone would agree with that and thats fine. It just depends on the couple and how mature and responsible they are and mostly if they r ready. And I see she is ready and knows what she wants and her dh did too at a point but changed his mind. Well what ever happens it will be on them to decide I would just giving her my opinion. 

Quoting 4everamber:

I have known guys and have talked to woman that pushed men into a baby and it didn't end well. Not fun to be pregnant and the guy is resentful and not excited.  they cheated and the relationship usually desolved. Plus i would wait until a guy is older and they are married. Guys are immature and even my husband who is now in his 30's wouldn't have been able to handle a kid in his early 20's. I hate seeing young and  single mothers.Guys are different in their early 20's than they are in the their early 30's. Some decided they don't like the responsiblity and leave.

Quoting arab.love.19:

Oh come on u can do it! Don't let this get to u and talk with him about it. It doesn't matter about age if ur mature and u think u can handle it then go for it. And u can easily get insurance when ur pregnant and also since ur 18 u can get medicaid if ur 21 n under its free thats wut I have now. I just got it actually because I'm under 21 and I don't work. But also if ur pregnant they will give it to u. So u got 2 options for getting insurance anyway u will get it because u r under 21 and not working and even if ur working I'm sure it won't make a diff. u will still have it since ur under 21. And u said u have ur mom she can help u drive to ur appts if needed and do u have other siblings that drive? Or friends? Who cares if u have one car I don't have a car my husband has his car and that didn't stop us from ttc. He can take a few hours off work if I needed to go to a dr appt or someone from his family will take me. There is many ways to get help. I think if u really want this baby and r ready for it. Then talk to him about it and if money is a problem to him then try to a get a part time job or even a full time job and quit when u get pregnant u can save up the money u make since u won't be needing it for anything else or even if u do save a little and it will add up later. There is more positive in this then u think. I wish u the best of luck and I hope all goes well.



4everamber
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 12:58 PM
2 moms liked this

Sorry I should mention I live a Utah and we have a high number of single mothers that got pregnant in their early 20's.If a guy isn't ready don't push it or you will push him way. Guy don't like to be push or feel trapped. Also if i didn't have a car I would be in trouble with my four-year-old and you can't rely and should rely on other people. Would you be upset if someone bought a puppy and wanted to you to take care of puppy on their time? How would that be fair to the other person just because they are your mother she has a life too. My dad has always taught me college, career,house,marriage, low debt then a baby. I have my house,two bachelor degrees, a career and a husband. Now I can give my child 100% instead of stressing about making end meet. How is raising a kid fun when you have to struggle?

bowcherry
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this

my mom didn't have a car till I was 11 and life was fine.

arab.love.19
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this

U know I have to say in ur situation I think u did a good job waiting since thats wut u wanted. U should always do wut u want. And I see she wants a baby she should get one if she wants it no one can tell someone u can't have a kid and we don't know their life style so I can't say more then that. And in the end its their decision. I just wish them the best of luck and hope they can come to an agreement and be happy. But if she wants a baby n he changed his mind because of financial issues she can help if she wants like get a job or something and its ok to depend on ur mother for somethings its never wrong to ask for help from someone else when u need it especially family. My older sister supported us when my step dad worked less n eventually lost his job but he got back on his feet after a while. And still my older sister supports them as much as she can even if they don't need it because that is wut family does. U can never go wrong to ask help from a family member. 

And actually I kinda agree to that n kinda don't. I know a girl she was in my high school she got married n pregnant at 16 and let me tell u she matured a lottt. Having kids can mature someone even older ppl like my older sister her bf used to go out a lot when she was pregnant and leave her home n stuff n she didn't like it but after the baby was born he changed and is there all the time (he lives there but I'm saying he is with my sister and their baby instead of going out) and they are getting married in the summer. I just like to keep things positive here. 

Quoting 4everamber:

Sorry I should mention I live a Utah and we have a high number of single mothers that got pregnant in their early 20's.If a guy isn't ready don't push it or you will push him way. Guy don't like to be push or feel trapped. Also if i didn't have a car I would be in trouble with my four-year-old and you can't rely and should rely on other people. Would you be upset if someone bought a puppy and wanted to you to take care of puppy on their time? How would that be fair to the other person just because they are your mother she has a life too. My dad has always taught me college, career,house,marriage, low debt then a baby. I have my house,two bachelor degrees, a career and a husband. Now I can give my child 100% instead of stressing about making end meet. How is raising a kid fun when you have to struggle?


arab.love.19
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:23 PM


Quoting bowcherry:

my mom didn't have a car till I was 11 and life was fine.

The same with my family but my mom has a car and she just says home. And my step dad doesn't have a car n he goes to work she drops him off n picks him up and everything is fine and its been like  this for years. 

TymenAlonzo
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this
My boyfriend told me last month to stop taking my birth control pill n I did. Cause he wanted to try to have a baby now. Now he sayin wait til next month. But he said the same thing to me about a job n car. Smh. Guys can change there mind so fast
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4everamber
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Living in Utah with a high number of young pregnancies and broken families. I really do believe in waiting. I wouldn't have been a good mom if I had a child in my early twenties. It took me until 28 to find myself and to become financial and emotionally ready to take on a responsibility. I admire woman that can do it but some don't realize how hard it can be until it's too late. In college I had a number of guy friends where their wives cheated and went clubbing. Not saying this girl will but Im trying to say wait, have fun and get yourself situated to take on a 24/7 responsibility. I can now focus 100% on my 4-year-old and a new baby. I have everything I wanted to do out of the way (degree, a good job, low debt and traveling). I just see people struggling where I live and I have lost friends because of my accomplishments and because I have freedom. This was prior to kids and now I am happy to be a hermit at home but have a good car and job. All my goals have been met and I can give 100% to my kids. Guys can change their minds and maybe he wants to wait a little since men tend to be providers and want what is best for the family. Guys don't want to struggle it's not good for their self-esteem. Plus with one car that would suck and makes it hard, tensions get high and you end of fighting because of stress. Also kids try your patience, my husband loses it and I have to be the strong parents and take over and he does that for me. We take turns being the patient parent and trust me they piss you off and test your patience. Anyway it's my opinion people do as they please but I hear a ton, I mean a TON of woman that wish they would have waited. They love their kids but should have gotten themselves in a better position so they didn't struggle. I just ended a friendship because my 28 year old friend of two decided she would rather go to bars than take care of her kids. I told her I didn't agree with that and couldn't be friends anymore. I feel bad for her kids and she said she has raise them for 7 years and now it's her turn. Wow.

 

Quoting arab.love.19:

Well she doesn't have to push him he wanted first then just changed his mind there has to be something behind it and he loves her he won't leave her they are planning a wedding. I think he sounds like a good man. And not all men are like that some are diff. In my culture (I'm muslim) we are encouraged to have kids at a young age. But of course not everyone would agree with that and thats fine. It just depends on the couple and how mature and responsible they are and mostly if they r ready. And I see she is ready and knows what she wants and her dh did too at a point but changed his mind. Well what ever happens it will be on them to decide I would just giving her my opinion. 

Quoting 4everamber:

I have known guys and have talked to woman that pushed men into a baby and it didn't end well. Not fun to be pregnant and the guy is resentful and not excited.  they cheated and the relationship usually desolved. Plus i would wait until a guy is older and they are married. Guys are immature and even my husband who is now in his 30's wouldn't have been able to handle a kid in his early 20's. I hate seeing young and  single mothers.Guys are different in their early 20's than they are in the their early 30's. Some decided they don't like the responsiblity and leave.

Quoting arab.love.19:

Oh come on u can do it! Don't let this get to u and talk with him about it. It doesn't matter about age if ur mature and u think u can handle it then go for it. And u can easily get insurance when ur pregnant and also since ur 18 u can get medicaid if ur 21 n under its free thats wut I have now. I just got it actually because I'm under 21 and I don't work. But also if ur pregnant they will give it to u. So u got 2 options for getting insurance anyway u will get it because u r under 21 and not working and even if ur working I'm sure it won't make a diff. u will still have it since ur under 21. And u said u have ur mom she can help u drive to ur appts if needed and do u have other siblings that drive? Or friends? Who cares if u have one car I don't have a car my husband has his car and that didn't stop us from ttc. He can take a few hours off work if I needed to go to a dr appt or someone from his family will take me. There is many ways to get help. I think if u really want this baby and r ready for it. Then talk to him about it and if money is a problem to him then try to a get a part time job or even a full time job and quit when u get pregnant u can save up the money u make since u won't be needing it for anything else or even if u do save a little and it will add up later. There is more positive in this then u think. I wish u the best of luck and I hope all goes well.

 


 

bowcherry
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:29 PM


Quoting TymenAlonzo:

My boyfriend told me last month to stop taking my birth control pill n I did. Cause he wanted to try to have a baby now. Now he sayin wait til next month. But he said the same thing to me about a job n car. Smh. Guys can change there mind so fast

 I know ! it sucks :(

4everamber
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:40 PM

When I was her age I wanted a baby and felt weird not having kids when I was 26. Where I am from it;s the society that makes you feel like your an outcast if your not married and you don't have kids by 26. Im in my early thirties and now see what has happened to woman that have had kids early. Some have stayed married and are happy but a lot are divorced and struggling and the kids suffer. One girlfriend was so jealous of my road trips and my traveling she strated treating me like crap and we are no longer friends. ive been on an Alaskan cruise, Scotland,England,hawaii and almost all the states. Anyone can do that and i recommend traveling it made for great memories and now I am ready to settle down without regrets.

Quoting arab.love.19:

U know I have to say in ur situation I think u did a good job waiting since thats wut u wanted. U should always do wut u want. And I see she wants a baby she should get one if she wants it no one can tell someone u can't have a kid and we don't know their life style so I can't say more then that. And in the end its their decision. I just wish them the best of luck and hope they can come to an agreement and be happy. But if she wants a baby n he changed his mind because of financial issues she can help if she wants like get a job or something and its ok to depend on ur mother for somethings its never wrong to ask for help from someone else when u need it especially family. My older sister supported us when my step dad worked less n eventually lost his job but he got back on his feet after a while. And still my older sister supports them as much as she can even if they don't need it because that is wut family does. U can never go wrong to ask help from a family member. 

And actually I kinda agree to that n kinda don't. I know a girl she was in my high school she got married n pregnant at 16 and let me tell u she matured a lottt. Having kids can mature someone even older ppl like my older sister her bf used to go out a lot when she was pregnant and leave her home n stuff n she didn't like it but after the baby was born he changed and is there all the time (he lives there but I'm saying he is with my sister and their baby instead of going out) and they are getting married in the summer. I just like to keep things positive here. 

Quoting 4everamber:

Sorry I should mention I live a Utah and we have a high number of single mothers that got pregnant in their early 20's.If a guy isn't ready don't push it or you will push him way. Guy don't like to be push or feel trapped. Also if i didn't have a car I would be in trouble with my four-year-old and you can't rely and should rely on other people. Would you be upset if someone bought a puppy and wanted to you to take care of puppy on their time? How would that be fair to the other person just because they are your mother she has a life too. My dad has always taught me college, career,house,marriage, low debt then a baby. I have my house,two bachelor degrees, a career and a husband. Now I can give my child 100% instead of stressing about making end meet. How is raising a kid fun when you have to struggle?



JamieleeB
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:46 PM
3 moms liked this

 I think the OP should be glad her BF had the balls to really communicate with her!  A lot of men can't do that, instead they resort to passive-aggressive communication, especially when they are afraid of a big decision such as having children

IMO the OP should take some time out and really consider everything she is about to embark on.  This isn't playing house.  Take some time to write out everything she'll need for the baby for the first two years.  This includes all trips to the Doctor, food, clothing, supplies, ect.  I think if she got that kind of perspective that it would shock her.

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