Why not adopt?

[nechelleisttc]

 So DH and I was just having random conversation and he said something about adoption. I just recently been told that my tubes are blocked and I was thinking about adoption. As if he was reading my mind he says..... I dont see how people adopt.... Its stupid. Why would he say this? He says if he cant have his own then he just dont want any......

Why would he say this?

[vcaulkins]

Oh no! I'm so sorry! He may not really feel that way, he may just be upset about not being able to have his own and not know the right thing to say. (Guys never know the right thing to say) DH and I spoke about adoptions years ago when I didn't think I'd ever be able to get off of certain meds and we're both totally fine with it, just worried about the expense and if the mother changes their mind. Give him a little time and then bring up the subject again.

[MasterAtArms]

 I once brought up adoption to my husband and he said "I don't think I could love an adopted child. It wouldn't be mine."

I remember getting so mad at him and responding with "It's not that hard, I love a child that isn't mine every day." (Talking about his DD who is my SD)

Sometimes men say stupid things, sometimes they are true and sometimes they are not.

[nechelleisttc]

 I just think he is being so selfish.

Quoting MasterAtArms:

 I once brought up adoption to my husband and he said "I don't think I could love an adopted child. It wouldn't be mine."

I remember getting so mad at him and responding with "It's not that hard, I love a child that isn't mine every day." (Talking about his DD who is my SD)

Sometimes men say stupid things, sometimes they are true and sometimes they are not.

 

[EAzizM]

That's a tough one. Dh has brought it up and I refuse to even talk about it. It isn't for everyone. Call me selfish, but I won't do it.

[cnlsmommy]

I agree with most of the ladies above. I would however not say that he is selfish YET. Sounds like your diagnosis is new(er) and you both are still coming to grips with what this will mean for you and your family. It sounds like you both need more time and a lot of talking to figure out what is best for you both. Adoption is not for everyone, but neither is fertility treatment. We all say things we regret at points in our lives, especially when faced with stress and uncertain circumstances. This is a hard thing to deal with and I'm sure totally disrupted your picture of what you had for your lives (I know it did for us anyway). Time, respect, and communication will do wonders. He may have strong feelings about adoption, but I doubt he meant to say exactly what he did. Gl momma

[thehostess]

What a lovely reply clnsmommy! and I agree. So much is going on for the two of you right now and all the emotion is so raw. I know I tend to forget sometimes that DH might be having just as hard a time as me with it all.

Your DH is probably hurting too and that comment may just be him expressing that hurt.

I hope that you can have a better conversation about it further down the track after you've both had time to process what's going on right now.

My heart goes out to you as you work through this difficult time. I've been reading your posts and you are doing it tough, for sure. Stay strong. We are all here as much as you need us!

Xx

[corrinacs]

Hey,

My biggest suggestion for you two is to go to Resolve.org.  I don't know if I've told you about this before, but it goes through teh emotional implications of infertility.

Perhaps your DH just isn't quite ready to say "we can't have children of our own".  He is really set on that goal, and for him thinking of adoption sounds more like failure to him right now.  I doubt that he feels that way about any adoption....its just hurting him on the inside knowing that he might have to consider that considering your circumstances.

Hang in there!  I hope you find your path to yoru infertility :) :).  No matter what way it goes, its beautiful in the end :)

[ttcforbaby1]

BUMP!

[onethentwins]

May be he really means it. 

One thing that's very important is that you don't push him into adoption if he is not 100% on board. Children are not blank slates and being aparent to an adoptee is parenting +. Make sure you and your husband have dealt with all your issues surrounding infertility before you think about adoption.