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My story of TTC with vaginismus (kinda long)

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:21 AM
  • 7 Replies

Hello Ladies,

I've been thinking a lot whether or not I should post about this. It's a really sore subject, and hard to talk about, but I know y'all understand, and it might sound selfish, but I'm hoping if someone struggles with the same thing we could support each other. It's not a widly discussed subject, and I haven't met anyone personally that has vaginismus. 

I've been diagnosed with vaginismus a few years ago. It's not as bad as many other women, who can't even have a pap smear, but bad enough that we can't BD. So this has totally devastated me. The Dr. who diagnosed me, she gave me a print out about a dilator set I had to order, and said:you'll have babies, don't worry. She didn't give me any other option. (Not to mention the fact that she was weaving my paperwork around in the reception area, and kept pointing towards the word VAGINISMUS in plain sight, saying, this is what you have.) Anyways. I ordered the dilators, but they don't work. I tried, but after a few days not using them (like during my period or traveling) I was back to square one. I started panicking b/c the years were going by, and I could hear my biological clock ticking. So I went to see a new OB/GYN in Dec. 2010, and I talked to her about my problem, and she said we can do IUI. I didn't even know what that was, and that I had that option. I was so upset with the other Dr that she didn't give me that option, but it's my fault I didn't go see another Dr. for such a long time. Anyways. DH and I got really excited, and started IUI treatments March 2011. Because the Dr thought this could be the only problem she said she wouldn't give me any meds until 6 failed IUIs. 1st 2 IUIs failed, but we were still very hopeful, thinking it could take a year. After my 3rd IUI I started having symptoms, and started to get really excited. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I was nauseated, frequent b/r visits, extremely bloated, very irritable, spotting, but all this turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. I was devastated beyond words. After that I had 3 more IUIs, 2 on femara, and nothing. I had one anovulatory cycle, and a few other cycles where we didn't do IUIs, only used softcups. In the meantime DH had some tests done including 2 S/A. The 1st came back aweful, but dr said not to worry, he doesn't go by only 1 S/A. So DH started taking supplements, and the 2nd S/A was much better. Then we finally decided to go see an RE. So we did in Feb. 2012. I had 2 rounds of IUIs. The 1st one on 100mg clomid, and now I'm on the 2nd round with 150mg clomid. I did have 4 follies, and this time I only had 1 IUI. We decided if this doesn't work, that's it for us. We're taking a break from Drs and meds and u/s, and b/w until we can save up some $$ for IVF. I'm still not 100% sure about IVF, but DH wants it without a doubt. I've been just struggling with not being able to try on our own. That's what devastates me the most. I don't feel less b/c of it. My OB said giving birth to a baby could help my vaginismus, which I hope it will. So now we're resorting to syringes, and cups, and softcups, and preseed, and everything imaginable to make this happen, and I just pray that God will do a miracle, and give us a baby.

So yes, I do get upset when people (nosy people) ask me when I'm gonna have a baby, and I do get upset, when they make mean comments, or when they think they're entitled to know everything so they can go on and gossip about it, or when they think they know best, and they're trying to tell me when I should have a baby. The funny thing is, it's not family. It's the people that are not even close to me. So here I am, hoping I find understanding, support, prayers, and maybe someone out there is in a similar situation, who understands perfectly what I'm going through. 

Thank you for reading my story!!!

I wish everyone the best!!! God bless y'all!!!!

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:21 AM
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Replies (1-7):
eesmommy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Hugs.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pryn4amiracle
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:29 AM

Thank you!

Quoting eesmommy:

Hugs.


cdjmommy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:36 AM

 Awe!! Sounds like you and the DH could use a break! I am pray for you and hoping you get a beautiful healthy baby, no matter how it may have to be concieved, it will be your baby!!

hugs

pryn4amiracle
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:40 AM

Thank you so much!! And you're right, it doesn't matter how the baby has to be conceived, it's gonna be our baby :)) Appreciate the prayer :)))

Quoting cdjmommy:

 Awe!! Sounds like you and the DH could use a break! I am pray for you and hoping you get a beautiful healthy baby, no matter how it may have to be concieved, it will be your baby!!

hugs


cdjmommy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:44 AM

 Anytime you need to talk or vent feel free to message me!! I am a SAHM so i check this pretty often!! Good luck hun!!

Quoting pryn4amiracle:

Thank you so much!! And you're right, it doesn't matter how the baby has to be conceived, it's gonna be our baby :)) Appreciate the prayer :)))

Quoting cdjmommy:

 Awe!! Sounds like you and the DH could use a break! I am pray for you and hoping you get a beautiful healthy baby, no matter how it may have to be concieved, it will be your baby!!

hugs


 

pryn4amiracle
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:47 AM

Thank you, I really appreciate that, and I might take you up on that offer :)))

Quoting cdjmommy:

 Anytime you need to talk or vent feel free to message me!! I am a SAHM so i check this pretty often!! Good luck hun!!

Quoting pryn4amiracle:

Thank you so much!! And you're right, it doesn't matter how the baby has to be conceived, it's gonna be our baby :)) Appreciate the prayer :)))

Quoting cdjmommy:

 Awe!! Sounds like you and the DH could use a break! I am pray for you and hoping you get a beautiful healthy baby, no matter how it may have to be concieved, it will be your baby!!

hugs


 


Lane23
by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Hello, I'm just reading your post. I am in the same situation. I know this post was awhile ago, but I was wondering if you had success? I do hope so! My husband and want children so bad, but I know Vaginismus will make it more difficult. We are going to full on starting to try this month! Let me know how you are doing!

Take Care!

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