Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you even consider adoption while TTC?? My Hubby's niece is 17. She had a baby by an illegal alien who was just sent back to Mexico. Well since he got sent back she has been acting....well a little more like a 17 yr old and a lot less like a Momma. Her  mom (My SIL) called me today and said she has 4 different men she is messing with, that she keeps leaving the baby with people until 3 or 4 in the morning, and even in some cases is taking her with her to party. So I told her mom that if this young girl was interested I would take her daughter for awhile, or even permanently. I called the young girl too and talked to her a bit, just letting her know if she needed us for anything we were here. I also let her know if she wanted me to ever keep her daughter I would. I let my SIL know that I didn't offer to step on any toes but that I would be more then happy. 

So now I am kinda excited, hopeful even. But I am also nervous too. #1 back when Hubby and I were dating I kept his cousin's baby off and on a year (I was 17 at the time) I got extremely attached was considering adoption when his Grandmother decided because I was white I shouldn't be raising him. So they took him away from me. Unfortunately he since has been caught in all kinds of trouble including smoking and drinking and running from the cops (He is 8) So anyway I am scared what if I am allowed to get her for a time and I get attached what if they take her away from me. Also I am wondering if it would be wrong to continue TTC our own even if I do get her. I just can't stand the idea of her not having a Mother to really be there for her and nurture her. My Hubby isn't so big on the idea of us keeping her but I know he would be ok with it if it actually happened. So ladies...what do you think?? Would you consider adoption in this situation?? Would you still TTC?

by on May. 1, 2012 at 8:52 PM
Replies (21-22):
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2012 at 7:11 PM

I kinda understand what your saying. I can't fully understand because I haven't fully been in those shoes of coarse. But I do know when I was keeping the little boy I had my Husband and I at the time had just gotten engaged. He didn't like the idea of us adopting a son before he had one of his own. But he came to adjust and he fell inlove with him to. It was hard going through planning a wedding and making plans to adopt him and then when they took him from us it was rough adjusting to life without him. I know I would definately do it if they allow us. I have no idea how emotional physically and mentally it will be but I will do it. I love this little girl already. I am emotionally involved no matter if I get her or not. That is why Hubby doesn't like it. I get so emotionally connected and he says he knows how the kids in his family turn out and there isn't much hope. But I KNOW if I raise her she will have hope...I will give her hope!! And love every day she is here!!  anyway thank you for being so honest. Its certainly good to hear from someone who has been there done that!

Quoting MommyAddie:

I have come back to this post a couple times wondering if I really wanted to say this. I do. I'm an adoptive mother and I want to warn you that there are a lot of unexpected emotions involved in an adoption, things you don't know or expect until you are dealing with them. It's an adjustment period and it's draining. I think actively TTC and an adoption are two huge things and it would be hard to pursue both actively. I was still TTC through my adoption, but not as actively, it had to take a backseat. And I'm glad I wasnt successful because I needed that bonding time to become family to
my new twins. Pregnancy, I'm finding out, is also quite special and draining -- I'm glad to be able to focus on it and enjoy it in case it's the only one I get.

I'm not saying don't, you seem like a wonderful family for that little baby. Just make sure you're ready for the give and take that comes with it.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:09 AM

Absolutly!!!  We were considering adopting our nephew (same situation) except mom is a dead beat (like her SIL) and daddy didn't want him b/c he's in the army and works long hours there (his wife and him were about to seperate).  So we were going to have them sign there rights over to us and adopt him.  They ended up working things out and kept him, but mom is still hoping guy to guy and they won't let him see him which she doesn't even ask to see him. it's a sad situation.  

I have two already and he would have made three so personally i'm not sure if we would still be TTC to be hones. he's the best thing ever and I love that little guy like my own so I would say he probally would have made our family complete.   BUT if we only had one or none i would def be TTC.  Just three is our 'limit' on children ya know.  

But i say ABSOLUTLY i don't think it's crazy at all!!!  :)  Good luck and I hope you get the baby.  I will tell you, my brother and his wife took my nephew from my SIL and i'll tell you it was the BEST thing that ever could have happened to that little guy!!!  He is so loved in that house and his attitude and behavior have done a 180.  Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)