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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

Did I tell my parents the right thing? Very long story. Please read though :)

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:44 PM
  • 19 Replies

My husband is 26 and I'm 21. We got married in May 2010 We have a house,car,dog, hubby has a job makes 56k/year. We are very frugal,coupon and spend money wisely. We have no debt either. Anyways we've been TTC for a while and hubbies parents are very excited to have a baby otw in the near future and my mom always asks where's my grandbabies. My dad on the other hand we never talk about babies, he doesn't wanna be a grandpa anytime soon. So I had surgery for endometriosis and blocked tubes last week and my dad came to visit me this weekend, and my mom and cousin were also here visiting. My mom said in front of my dad that my dr wants me to get prego stay prego breastfeed and he doesn't wanna see me til I'm done having kids and have a hysterectomy. My dad seemed uncomfortable and I said my dad thinks he's to young to be a grand dad. My dad didn't say much. Then my cousin said I'm glad you had the surgery and hopefully we'll have another baby otw soon in the family. Well after my dad left he texted me later that night and said "It's not that I think I'm too young to be a grand dad, I think 21 is way too young to have a baby, I think you should either get a job or go to school, own a car not just making payments you and Chris can't afford a baby right now you should wait" This really upset me because we've been dealing with infertility for almost 2 years. So I told my mom about it and she totally flipped out on me and was like well I see where he's coming from we don't wanna see ya'll struggle like we had too with you, you have to pay for diapers,formula,day care,etc and ya'll can't afford it. That really pissed me off cause my mom is always asking where her grandbabies are! I was so stressed out I just had surgery and I deal with infertility and my mom yelling at me wasn't helping. Anyways the next day I talked to my MIL and she said that it's so much better to have kids in your lower 20s than upper 20s that she could tell a huge difference when she had a baby at 23 and at 28 and 23 was much easier. She also said we can afford it, she said when me and my husband had kids we were only making 27k and was a SAHM and we had a house and had 3 kids and were able to afford and provide a comfortable life for all of them. She also said me and Chris are gonna make great parents and to not listen to my parents and also not everyone is meant to have a career and staying at home is just fine. I felt alot better after that so anyways later that night I texted both my mom and dad almost the same message but a little different for my mom and this is what I said " Look I really don't appreciate you saying we shouldn't have a baby, Chris and I are adults and married we make our own decisions,we don't need advice on how to live our life, if we need advice we would ask for it but you have to realize were grownup i understand your concerns but this is our life we have to make our own decisions and learn(and then I explained to them what my MIL said) I will always be your daughter and love you but please respect that I'm an adult and make my own choices and please don't give me advice unless if i ask for it." My dad said OK and my mom said Yes dear we both support you guys with whatever choice you make we just don't want you to struggle is all. Anyways what do you think of all this please no bashing just wanna know if I chose the right words, I tried to say stuff the most nicest way.

by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jdixon12
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I think as long as you kept a level of respect for both your parents,then it is totally fine to express how you feel about decisions you may be faced with .

Good luck & babydust to you all

TTC1990
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:51 PM

So you think everything I said was ok to say then? And thankyou babydust to you!

Quoting jdixon12:

I think as long as you kept a level of respect for both your parents,then it is totally fine to express how you feel about decisions you may be faced with .

Good luck & babydust to you all


jdixon12
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this

yes I do!  One thing about life,we all have to follow our own decisions in order to learn from our mistakes ,but also understand what values our words and choices have .Always remember to express your concerns and feelings but in the most respectful way possible,and others who seem like they are against your decisions will become your best support system.

And sometimes some things and decisions we are faced with ,are just better left unsaid to others.

Good luck sweetie,

 

chrissydan
by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this
It was ok i guess i just have come to understand that a parent never stops being a parent so when something is said i dont agree with i take it with a grain of salt and do what i want anyway. so i guess if it were me i would have left it alone because when you most need advice they might not give it to you. BUT everyone is different.
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tarakay0417
by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounded good to me.
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Seximama23
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2012 at 12:04 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you chose proper wording. I was 21 when I became a mom and yes I heard so.much that i.threw my life away.
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carter2011
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this
I had my first when I was 20 and I love being a mom! We have been trying for our 2nd since I was 21 and I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 23 now. If you feel like it's what you and your hubby want then do it! My dad was totally against us trying for a 2nd child! Our first one wasn't planned so I got a lot of commotion from that one too lol
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candicefield
by Silver Member on May. 9, 2012 at 9:08 AM
2 moms liked this
I can see where your parents are coming from. They are only looking out for you. They only want the best for you. You are only 21 and 56k is not a lot of money today. You have no debt so you will be able to pull it off but that doesn't mean it won't be hard. If you want a baby then do it but understand that they care for and love you very much.
faithdeb
by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with your MIL that you can have kids and stay at home, yes you might have to clip coupons and you might not have every luxury in life but that's ok.  Kids raised with a budget usually turn out better than the kids who have every toy and gadget.  I think you did the right thing.  I believe God is in control and knows and loves you and will guide you if you ask him for help.  I had my first baby at 21 and my hubby didn't have a job (we were living on student loans) but God helped us through it and helped us find him a good job so I could stay at home.  It all worked out.  I got almost all of my baby gear second hand and used coupons and had a baby shower, I spent 1500 total for the first year on everything including diapers, wipes and baby food (I BF my first).  God will provide if we allow him.

I think your text was very nice, yet set some boundries.  You have to be that way with kids to, setting boundries in a loving way.

greekish
by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you handled it gracefully. Baby Dust!!!
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