I'm going on 5 years ttc, and it's seemingly getting harder and harder. Especially lately. There will be months that my husband and I don't try. That I don't really "think" about it. Although, it's always on my heart. And then I will have a month like this last cycle... when all of a sudden I spot brown at 8dpo and my heart skips a beat... and I start to think... What if... and then wouldn't you know it.. I'm late. This month I was 8 days late... the longest ever. My cycles are usually pretty normal between 28-34 days. Through testing, my Dr. said that I don't always ovulate, and prescribed clomid. I was a little nervous about the side-effects so at the time, I decided not to take it, but I'm re-thinking that.
I really thought I was pregnant. Of course, this wasn't the only month I thought that, but.. I was starting to get convinced. Taking test after test waiting for my positive to show up. (I've never seen a positive pregnancy test.) On memorial day, I got my period. I was crushed. That familiar feeling crept up. I tried not to spend all day in bed crying like I normally do, I wanted to be strong this time. For the most part, I held it together. I just wanted to give up.
Sorry this is long ladies, I just have to get this out.
So I go back to work. One of my good friends is pregnant with her 6th precious baby (there are an abundance of pregnant women at my work) I had to break the news that I started. In a way I think she was almost as crushed as I was. I have a network of three wonderful friends at work who have been so hopeful for me as they ask me everyday at the lunch table if I had my positive, or if I have any other symptoms. Well, we moved on...
Then today, my friend Brittany came to me. (she's part of the three.) Brittany is one of the sweetest girls I know. Anyway, she comes to me today and tells me as sweet as she can that she is "unintentionally pregnant." She wanted to let me know because she didn't want me to hear from anyone else. She was very apologetic, as the pregnancy I thought I had... she had. I told her not to apologize because my journey is something that is almost uncontrollable and I was happy for her. My heart sunk. Not because of her pregnancy, but yet, just the way things have seemed to work out. like.. pure torture. I get so emotional and I hate it. It's uncontrollable and painful. My heart just breaks. I had to lock my computer and excuse myself to the restroom. I clutched the wall as I entered the stall and just had to catch my breath. I silently broke down. Such a pain, I can't describe. I don't write this for pity, just to let it out. If you pray, please keep me in your prayers. The emotional heartbreak of infertility is really getting to me lately. Prayers and love to all of you ladies. Thanks for reading :)
you look fantastic, your face is glowing in the pictures. I'm sorry about your pain. You are taking your two friend's pregnancy with grace. Hugs to you.
I also lost a great deal of weight. Every said, "just watch, now you'll get pregnant" even though I was now divorced and not trying. Well, I did end pregnant after meeting my fiancé. We never TTC (I believed myself to be completely sterile by this point) so we never prevented either. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant. That's 2 years after hitting and maintaining my goal weight of 140 and not doing anything to try to conceive. I didn't get pregnant the second I lost weight, but it did happen and I credit my weight loss 100%.
So I just wanted to tell you not to give up at all. With your weight loss and clomid, as well as temping/charting and the other tools available you probably won't even have as long of a wait as I did. Good luck and lots of baby dust!
this made me tear up! keep your chin up, go to the doc and share all of this with her/him. let them know what you have been going through! btw--you are beautfiul!!
I'm crying so hard I had to stop reading this for a sec.
You look absolutely amazing and I hope you know you are an inspiration. I Can relate to your history and I feel the pain and frustration. It kind of conforts me knowing that I'm not alone.
Keep strong and don't lose faith. I will keep you in my prayers.
XOXO
I just cried sitting here at work reading this. I wish for nothing but the best for you. We've been trying for two years, and that's been hard enough. I can relate to the mixed emotions and the pain. I had a friend so skittish to tell me she was pregnant that she cried when she did it... and not from joy. She was so upset for me that it overshadowed her happiness. I know how you feel though... you're so happy for somebody but it just reminds you of what you don't have. I left this group for almost a year and just found the strength to come back to it.
Stay strong... I think your story is a powerful one, and you are an amazing person for everything that you've accomplished!
I would say take the Clomid...my story is a long one...my hubby and i got married and 2 years later i went off the pill and we waited the two months before trying and then got pregnant right away...it was great we had a healthy 9lb 3 oz boy...then when we tried for the next one we tried for a long time and finally went to see a specialist and we found out that the problem was with his sperm...the first shot was great and the sperm after that were abnormal and inactive...so the doctor taught us how to do artificial insemination at home...the first month it didnt work but we got pregnant the second month and had another boy 6 wks early but was for the most part healthy at 5lb 5oz...then after that we tried to get pregnant again and that time we could get pregnant but i had two miscarriages before we finally found out that with the last one that i needed to do the shots every week one in each hip to keep him...i had to have all 3 c sections and so with the last one i decided that we had 3 healthy boys with the last one coming 4 weeks early at 6lbs 5oz that i had had enough and i had my tubes tied...i have been all over the spectrum as far as getting pregnant...if you doctor suggests something please give it a try...it will all be worth it in the end!!!
Congrats to you for losing all that weight you look great! I have been trying to conceive for a while now. I am in the same boat as you I cry all the time and it is painful to be around other women who are pregnant or have children and they just don't understand because for most people I know that have children or are having children they really didn't even have to try or it just happened by accident it kills me its tourure...
my husband held a baby yesterday
- Ellewilliams
on Jun. 1, 2012 at 9:29 PM