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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

Idk how much more i can take... Edited

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 7:45 PM
  • 11 Replies

        So we are on our 21st cycle ttc and it kills me more and more as time passes. I want it so bad but am so synical at this point that it will never happen for us again.

       I mean i am so thankful for the kids we have but at the same time feel our family is far from complete. It will be 2 years in dec and as our kids grow the want for another just gets stronger and everything just gets harder. I have stopped tracking it has just gotten to be too much. I just try to forget everything and go with the flow like it doesn't bother me, although it does deeply. More than even dh knows.

    When af shows its the hardest. But its not much easier any other time of the month. My cousin got pregnant since we have been trying by total accident and it was twins. She couldn't even afford the 2 year old she already had better yet her twins that were totally accidental. They're about 4-6 months old now. I distance myself a lot bc it hurts so much. Now my other cousin is about 4-5 months pregnant. My friend popped up pregnant by accident with her 3rd right after we started trying and that baby is over 1 now.... Its so depressing.

         So i am at a loss and just don't know what to do from here. No doctor will help and i don't understand or see why but they wont. They're just useless. My period before this one my cycle was 68 days long and i went in and still they would do nothing.

 

           I have gone into total depression mode where i dont interact with my kids much or dh, don't want to go out of the house or talk to or see anyone. I just can't shake the feeling. I burst into tears at any given time. I just can't shake this feeling. Then i can't even go get antidepressants to help bc i am afriad on the 0% Chance that i do pop up pregnant i dont want to do any harm to the baby.

       I have been checked for cyst, thyroid probs, prolactin levels, diabeties etc etc. Dh has a low sperm and motility levels. But the doctors say its not so low he shouldn't be able to get me pregnant. I just don't know what to do anymore. All i want to do is sleep and to never go anywhere or see anyone. I just don't know how much more i can take or what to do from here....

 

sorry for the novel

 

EDIT: well apparently this is hard to understand for some. I do still take care of my children. I dont sleep allday and i do go out and i do see people. Just don't want to. Go out and see people that is. I do take care of them and provide everything they can want or need emotionally, physically, and mentally. I do get depressed about this stuff as anyone has been ttc for a long time would and does. Do i let it consume me 24/7 no but it does bother me everyday. But i still take care of everything i have to.

As for dh he is a grown man he can take care of himself as can i. I don't need him to take care of me and he doesn't need me to take care of him bc we are not children. Thats what adults do is take care of themselves so we are good.

by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 7:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Slayton723
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 7:50 PM
Don't give up. Keep going to different doctors someone has to be able to do something. They could put dh on clomid to increase his sperm. Keep fighting until you find someone to help you.
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kagnegcdg
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 7:58 PM

 This is going to sound uncaring, but you REALLYYY need to see someone. Even if you dont go on meds. they can talk with you and help you come up with strategies to help you. There are some antidepressants that you can take that can be stopped once you do attain a pregnancy. You are your worst enemy and your depression could be part of the problem.........

sydneysmommy1st
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 8:07 PM

I have been to my ob multiple times and a fertility specialist and dh has been to a urologist and they wont do anything. The doc dh went to said clomid was pretty much only used for men with no sperm count hardly at all and it was too dangerous. Which i think is bull bc i dont think it is.

Quoting Slayton723:

Don't give up. Keep going to different doctors someone has to be able to do something. They could put dh on clomid to increase his sperm. Keep fighting until you find someone to help you.


sydneysmommy1st
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 8:10 PM

Probably do need to but i dont even want to go.... I am just so to the point of not caring about much of anything anymore. As long as my kids are clean and fed and dressed, pretty much all their needs met. Beyond that its just like idk pointless to keep on trying. I mean its not like i would go on birth control bc i do want another but i am soo synical as far as actually trying hard anymore.

Quoting kagnegcdg:

 This is going to sound uncaring, but you REALLYYY need to see someone. Even if you dont go on meds. they can talk with you and help you come up with strategies to help you. There are some antidepressants that you can take that can be stopped once you do attain a pregnancy. You are your worst enemy and your depression could be part of the problem.........


Slayton723
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 8:17 PM
Try different ones. Hell I have some left over clomid ill send you lol. If it's something you want that bad don't give up on yourself. Yes seeing a therapist may help you deal but if you have insurance and can swing it keep looking for a doctor that WILL help you. My doctor put me on clomid without me even asking! Hell I didn't even know what it was. You just have to find the right one.


Quoting sydneysmommy1st:

I have been to my ob multiple times and a fertility specialist and dh has been to a urologist and they wont do anything. The doc dh went to said clomid was pretty much only used for men with no sperm count hardly at all and it was too dangerous. Which i think is bull bc i dont think it is.


Quoting Slayton723:

Don't give up. Keep going to different doctors someone has to be able to do something. They could put dh on clomid to increase his sperm. Keep fighting until you find someone to help you.



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lillybug222
by Silver Member on Sep. 7, 2012 at 9:05 PM
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This may not be what you want to hear, but reading what you've written, I truly feel----

You should be so grateful for the children you have that you spend everyday focusing on them & your family & being the best possible mom to them. It sounds like you're so focused on TTC & a child you don't have that you're not an engaged mom right now & you're not giving them your best.

I know that's tough to hear, but it seems to be the truth.

If the sadness of wanting another child inhibits you from being there for the ones you have, you probably need to talk to someone about your depression.
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RoseFlame
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 3:49 PM

I know I shouldn't but... COME ON! GROW UP! Take care of your husband and the beautifull children you already have, apparently all you think about is you. Get over yourself. Maybe if you do you might just see past the fact that when you hurt every one hurts, you want another baby so badly you neglect the ones you already have.  My husband and I have been ttc#1 for over 3yrs now I know what its like to want a baby so badly and everyone else get pregnant but you, I know depression lurks around the corner but I fight it back because I have a loving husband to take care of (who also takes care of me) and I babysit for two adorable little girls. Yes it hurts but the world doesn't revolve around you.  If I even had one kid it wouldn't be so bad, yes I would want more but at least I would have one, ONE who needed me that needed my love and who loved me as only a child can.

sydneysmommy1st
by on Sep. 8, 2012 at 4:40 PM

I do take care of my kids. I do not neglect them. They have everything they could need or want. I just meant by my statement i do get into these modes occasionally but even in them they are still taken care of and are my priority. Trust me i have been so sick i couldn't walk and have still taken care of them. You don't know me so don't judge me by 1 post when i was upset. I know there are people who don't have any kids and are ttc. It must be extremely difficult and i am thankful for the one's i have. I think i said that in the post but i can't remember off the top of my head. It would be harder without them here i agree but at the same time it hurts no less that our family is far from complete and it feels like the end goal will never arrive.

Quoting RoseFlame:

I know I shouldn't but... COME ON! GROW UP! Take care of your husband and the beautifull children you already have, apparently all you think about is you. Get over yourself. Maybe if you do you might just see past the fact that when you hurt every one hurts, you want another baby so badly you neglect the ones you already have.  My husband and I have been ttc#1 for over 3yrs now I know what its like to want a baby so badly and everyone else get pregnant but you, I know depression lurks around the corner but I fight it back because I have a loving husband to take care of (who also takes care of me) and I babysit for two adorable little girls. Yes it hurts but the world doesn't revolve around you.  If I even had one kid it wouldn't be so bad, yes I would want more but at least I would have one, ONE who needed me that needed my love and who loved me as only a child can.


RoseFlame
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 12:06 AM



           I have gone into total depression mode where i dont interact with my kids much or dh, don't want to go out of the house or talk to or see anyone.


This right here is what I was talking about, its not hard to understand but apparently its all about you.  Also if you don't interact with your dh much there might be a very good reason you're not pregnant.

SmallRiver22
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 7:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't want to sound like a totaly mean person but you should be greatfull for the children you do have. Many woman have been trying for years to have their first. I have a family member that tryed for their first couldn't get preg and did fertility stuff got pregnant and then died during child birth. Baby servied and dad was on his own. There is a reason sometimes that it doesn't happen. Take your mind off it and spend time doing stuff with your kids and maybe it will happen when your not thinking about it.
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