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Just frustrated!

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:11 PM
  • 5 Replies
So a few days ago dh and I talked about BDing more often since my cycles have been off that way we would have a better chance of catching the egg! He agreed and I was happy BUT!!! Last night, I mentioned that we should BD because it has been a while (and I'm talking like over a week) and he said "well I wanted to but you just made it awkward. I want it to happen naturally, not because we need to have a baby." What the hell does that mean!?! WE both decided to try and have a baby so oh course when we have sex that's going to be in the back of my mind! I am so mad!! This has been one of the biggest problems so far in our marriage because I want it more then him and we sometimes go weeks with NOTHING! He agrees that it's a problem and says he'll work on it but when it really counts he still lets me down! :( I'm just so mad and frustrated.
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-5):
HaywoodJablome
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't you try... putting the moves on him rather than asking him? Try and spice things up. My husband agreed to TTCing but I don't ask him to BD when I'm ovulating - I just initiate things and make sure the job gets done :p


As for his lack of a drive... has it gotten worse recently or always been this way. I've noticed a change in my husbands sex drive when he's stressed out and I've read that is true for a good deal of men.

lockedtite
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:20 PM
I'm so sorry... Me and dh don't bd much either like once a week... He says I'm always thinking about sex as if I'm a horn dog but I was told a vitamin called horny goat weed works for libido ... I would have dh take it but he doesn't do we'll remembering to take meds... GL... Btw we to at ttc.. I have 2 and I'm 37 and he's 32 .. We've ran into a few bumps in the road .. It's been 17 mths... Hope it gets better for you
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WishingAway
by Angela on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:21 PM

I had to step back and realize me getting frustrated did nothing.. I had to make it about him special.. doing something for him.. or just not talk about the ttc part and just make it sex.. come out wearing something sexy and just jump on him..I know its frustrating but some men just can't do it when they know everything lol.. My hubby wants it as bad as me but when I start the "well we need to have sex you said we would more".. we both fight and no one has sex lol.. Good Luck!

katiecole917
by Katie on Oct. 5, 2012 at 1:37 PM
In the past when I've tried to initiate things he says I'm "throwing" myself at him and it turns him off. I've been extremely careful to not come across that way because I don't want to throw myself at him. I just feel like I can never get it right. When we were engaged I feel like it happened more then when we got married and we were even trying to wait until our wedding night. His theory is that it was "taboo" and that's why it happened more. We've been married for a little over a year and we've been going through this since our honeymoon! I'm just at a loss for what to do. The last time I really brought it up it was a really big fight and he said that I just don't turn him on anymore. He apologized and I cried for days but I've need been able to forget that. And now all he keeps talking about it having a baby and I want a baby but be doesn't want to try hard enough to ensure we can have one. :(

Quoting HaywoodJablome:

Why don't you try... putting the moves on him rather than asking him? Try and spice things up. My husband agreed to TTCing but I don't ask him to BD when I'm ovulating - I just initiate things and make sure the job gets done :p

As for his lack of a drive... has it gotten worse recently or always been this way. I've noticed a change in my husbands sex drive when he's stressed out and I've read that is true for a good deal of men.


waitingmommy12
by Eva on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:10 PM
I'm sorry but he kinda sounds like a jerk... ttc is a very stressful journey and it feels like an impossible one at times but hang in there. Something that might help is telling him maybe you guys will cut back on ttc and tell him you just want to have fun just you two and not worry about anything for a while tell him the whole if it happens it happens even tell him there are alot of success stories of bfps once women stop trying, and say maybe after awhile if nothing then you'll address it once that comes. Most men wont admit it but they feel a sense of failure because they cant help but feel somewhat resonsible for it not happening, maybe say ttc can be stressful and stress causes some delays and thats probably a idea of whats going on. My dh was going through somewhat of the same issues he had troubles keeping it so finally we talked and he admitted his feeling of failure I told him that its oksy and we'll put off ttc and just have fun the two of us and come back to active ttc later I still chart temp and figure out what my fertile days are and he has no idea so when i know when it O time i'll just make sure it happens he has improved so much it took all the pressure away and maybe thats all thats needed bd spontsniously that way he doesnt think you need it cuz of ttc. I really hope this helps you GL
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