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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

Praise you in this storm

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I'm copying and pasting this from my blog. I'll get in more detail here. This morning my best friend called me to share her wonderful news. She's pregnant. I had JUST taken a pregnancy test myself, hoping and praying I would get SOMETHING on there. I had just thrown it away after not seeing anything whatsoever on the test. I literally... threw it away and went to answer my phone.

She proceeds to tell me she was on her way to her mom's house. I was like ..okay? LOL thanks for sharing that with me. She said Ashlee I took a test this morning and I'm pregnant. I took two and they were faint but they were definitely there. (Imagine her excitement) What a sting to my heart though. This was her 2nd month trying.

Now mind you... I am ECSTATIC for her. She deserves this. But I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her. She told me not to tell anyone since I'm the only person she is telling (besides her husband). My husband was in the room while she told me so he knew but she wouldn't care if he knew. So when I hang up, he goes is she pregnant. And all I said was yes. He proceeded to say how awesome it was and how happy and excited I am going to be today so he'll be able to go do anything without me being upset he's not in the house with me LOL. So as I'm filling up with tears I tell him "Don't get me wrong I am so happy for her but I'm about to cry". He says Ash people are going to get pregnant, you can't be upset about that. And I just broke down crying. I told him I am happy for her but I fear so much that I won't get to experience that again. After this week, of another cyst and then having it rupter... having to go back next week for an ultrasound it's been stressful and scary for me. But he held me.. and held me... and held me as I cried and shared my fears with him. 

I realized this is NOT who I am. This is not who I want to be. I was fine until I hit 6 months. I'm going into 7 months of TTC and it hit me around 6 months. It became HARDER and HARDER for me each and every day.  That may not be LONG to some people... but it's LONG for me. I have two kids already and it was effortless conceiving them. 

I have always been a sold out christian. My faith has always been in God. I've realized how far I have truly came from that. And how unhappy I am being that way. So I went out on a mission to get rid of my bitterness, jealousy, and to find everlasting peace in Him.

I'm DONE with the bitterness that was slowly starting to take over.. and the jealousy. 

I spent all morning listneing to my praise and worship music off Pandora. Reading devotions and scriptures and just praying. I feel like a completely new person.

I give my ttc journey (along with all my journeys) to God. Why would he bless me with another child if I can't find peace and complete happiness for others who truly deserve their happiness and the blessings he gives to them? I know God is going to bless me again. And it will be in HIS perfect timing for my life. 

I want to share my notes with everyone in hopes that I will at least give ONE person that new hope. 

God plan is better than I could ever wish for my life. I will wait PATIENTLY for his blessings meant for my life. 

It messes it up to paste it from my blog... so I'll give you my blog link. 

http://ashleeyetter.blogspot.com/

Please leave comments here though, not my blog. I hope this helps at least one person.



by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Replies (11-18):
amy31308
by Ashlee on Oct. 7, 2012 at 8:46 AM
What a great story! Thanks for sharing!!!

Quoting ckapps4911:

i thought id share and maybe offer u a bit more faith from my story (ive never told anyone this). i was ttc #1 for just over 2 years. thru my whole life i have seen ppl of faith try and pray and get hurt and i was affected by this at a young age and became a atheist. i figured all these good ppl in my life were suffering for no reason so how could there be a god? well in late march. i broke down. i didnt know how i could go on ttc. im a good person, i have that natural mothering instinct but still no baby. and somewhere in my breakdown. i started praying. it wasnt a "plz if u exist let me be pregnant" it was hours of heart to heart crying, apologizing, and so much more. deep down i had faith all along but i never voiced it, talked about it, or admitted it to myself. after this break down revelation, i kept faith in me that HE does exist and i may not go to church or read the bible but as long as i accept this to myself then thats all that truely matters is my faith in him.

well i got my proof that i was looking for all along not to long later. this happened to me the last few days of march. april 5th i got my bfp. im now 30 weeks with a lil boy. and the thing that gets me the most was during that break down and talking to him, i didnt talk about trying to get pregnant. or having a baby. i talked about who i want to be, how i want to change for the better, and how i was sorry for how i was lost for so long and if he could forgive me.

thats my story and i hope it helps u to keep moving forward. things happen for a reason and i may not fully understand what his reason was for giving me the gift of my son, but im greatful for it everyday and im just going to keep going and trust him to point me in the right direction.

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MissButterfly
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:02 AM
You truly are a great person Ash. So glad you have placed all y r faith in HIM.
momof1jackson
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:00 AM
2 moms liked this
Thank-you for sharing. My husband and I were talking about this very subject the other day. After TTC for 13 months I've decided to stop stressing, being sad and upset when AF shows. I'm giving this back to GOD because it will only happen when He has decided. I need to appreciate what He has already done for me.
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Tbabyy87
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:06 PM
THIS WAS GREAT!!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR HIS BLESSINGS THAT HE HAS DONE!!!


Quoting ckapps4911:

i thought id share and maybe offer u a bit more faith from my story (ive never told anyone this). i was ttc #1 for just over 2 years. thru my whole life i have seen ppl of faith try and pray and get hurt and i was affected by this at a young age and became a atheist. i figured all these good ppl in my life were suffering for no reason so how could there be a god? well in late march. i broke down. i didnt know how i could go on ttc. im a good person, i have that natural mothering instinct but still no baby. and somewhere in my breakdown. i started praying. it wasnt a "plz if u exist let me be pregnant" it was hours of heart to heart crying, apologizing, and so much more. deep down i had faith all along but i never voiced it, talked about it, or admitted it to myself. after this break down revelation, i kept faith in me that HE does exist and i may not go to church or read the bible but as long as i accept this to myself then thats all that truely matters is my faith in him.

well i got my proof that i was looking for all along not to long later. this happened to me the last few days of march. april 5th i got my bfp. im now 30 weeks with a lil boy. and the thing that gets me the most was during that break down and talking to him, i didnt talk about trying to get pregnant. or having a baby. i talked about who i want to be, how i want to change for the better, and how i was sorry for how i was lost for so long and if he could forgive me.

thats my story and i hope it helps u to keep moving forward. things happen for a reason and i may not fully understand what his reason was for giving me the gift of my son, but im greatful for it everyday and im just going to keep going and trust him to point me in the right direction.


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amy31308
by Ashlee on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Thank you :) it's a great feeling!

Quoting MissButterfly:

You truly are a great person Ash. So glad you have placed all y r faith in HIM.
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Mommy4Life86
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:52 PM
I love this song btw lol but ill tell ya what. I had been trying for 15 months and thought I couldn't conceive. I went to my best friends house and was talking about going to get a tattoo with her, and she said she couldn't she was pregnant. I broke down in tears in front of her. I felt so overwhelmed and I couldn't hold it back. I went home that night and did so much praying and thinking, and I came to the same conclusion as you, I wasn't going to be that way inside or out. And once I came to peace with that, I felt a huge sense of relief. Than....I got my bfp that cycle. Her and I are a month and a half apart on our due dates :) I'm due April 23. You are doing the right thing :) I can't wait to hear about your bfp!!!
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amy31308
by Ashlee on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:02 AM

Thanks for sharing your story :) I hope I'll have a BFP story to share soon!

Quoting Mommy4Life86:

I love this song btw lol but ill tell ya what. I had been trying for 15 months and thought I couldn't conceive. I went to my best friends house and was talking about going to get a tattoo with her, and she said she couldn't she was pregnant. I broke down in tears in front of her. I felt so overwhelmed and I couldn't hold it back. I went home that night and did so much praying and thinking, and I came to the same conclusion as you, I wasn't going to be that way inside or out. And once I came to peace with that, I felt a huge sense of relief. Than....I got my bfp that cycle. Her and I are a month and a half apart on our due dates :) I'm due April 23. You are doing the right thing :) I can't wait to hear about your bfp!!!




Jena_1023
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Beautiful post! It is hard to let go of he bitterness, and realize there is a bigger picture. I am not there yet... You are very strong! ((Hugs))
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