Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

A funny :)

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:38 PM
  • 9 Replies
4 moms liked this

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door
without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands
with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag
for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks
for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,
now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC
because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

 ******** Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern ,
I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap
in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know
I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema
because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers
because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask

me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica ,  Uganda ,  Singapore and  Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice
I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening
because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from  Argentina , after a lengthy study,

has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because

I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY

 




by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
momof1want1mor
by Jenny ;) on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I liked that :) good laugh
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
charm2mama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:51 PM

lol. so true. nothing is safe anymore:)

ShellBeth
by Michelle on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:00 PM

HAHA. It makes me think about all the things i did as a kid that my children NEVER will. It is crazy how much we learn and how much our behavior changes!

mom3bc
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:11 PM

lol

rbailey2414
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:17 PM

LOL

mandybimama
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:18 PM
Lol! That's a good one
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
DavonnaC
by Davonna on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:37 PM

Haha 

trfgirl56701
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:21 AM

Lol

Rachelz123
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:54 AM
Lol that is great
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)