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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

What's your definition of....

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being able to afford a baby??? I see a lot of posts on CM (not just in this group) about having to wait until their next check to buy a pregnancy test and I wonder if they feel they can afford a baby.

My definition is that I am able to provide for them without worry, I'm not living check to check, I can afford to take them places and do things with them whenever I feel like it, I can buy them whatever they need (not want) at any time, I don't have to worry that the food bill is going to break the bank, etc.... No kids may not need some of these things to feel loved and I get that. My issue is that love is not what's feeding the child.. it's your ability to provide that's feeding and clothing them.

If I couldn't afford a $12 test then I definitely couldn't afford the needs of a baby. Let face it kids are expensive no matter how you look at it. Now I'm not speaking to anyone on here specifically. I don't keep up with everyone's story on here. And the few that I do follow don't seem to have this problem. Yes there will never seem to be a "right" time to have a baby for most people BUT is there a "wrong" time??

So I ask again.. What is your personal definition of being able to afford a child??

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:47 AM
Replies (81-90):
amy31308
by Ashlee on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I have never told you that you were unfit because I never knew your situation nor did I care.

Seriously, like I said in pp, you must have fit in somewhere in my opinions otherwise you wouldn't have gotten all butthurt. I've never told you that YOU shouldn't be ttc. Whatever though, not my problem if you can't get over something that I didn't say to you.


Quoting NoraDun:

She has tried to bashed me enough on here, trying to prove I guess that I am some how unfit to be TTC. So I am not gonna get involved too much again but thats ok, her and I had our words, I am over it, and I am not going to bash her for it!! She is intitled to think whatever she wants about whoever she wants. I appreciate the supporting words :) I think this group has a TON of great women. And we only have the occasional drama post unlike MANY MANY other groups so I will take one every once in awhile. It was honestly my fault, I should of not posted my opinion, I knew when I opened the post where it was heading!! Live and learn!! Thanks again! In the future I will do my best to leave my replies in the posted related to helping women TTC :)


Nah.



Shes one like OP.



God forbid someone falls on hard times. Or loses a job.





Quoting NoraDun:

And I don't argue that, I absolutel agree. I just also believe that one cant judge people based off of a post they make saying they can't pick up a pregnancy test today for whatever reason. I thought your theory was all about not judging?? I just think that is very judgmental for anyone to say. I personally have never been that down and out, but I know some DAMN good parents who lost everything when her Husband lost his job, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her baby that she just concieved. That just means God had a plan. You of all people I thought could understand God's plan goes over and beyond our own!!

Quoting amy31308:

I couldn't agree with you more.





It baffles me when people openly posts their situations that IMO are in no place ready to have a baby. I'm not saying they dont deserve the chance- but maybe work on getting to a better place before trying to throw a baby in the mix as well.





And no.. You dont need to be rich. But if you're living and depending with your parents then probably not the best time. If you can't afford a test, probably not the best time. If you can't pay the bills every month probably not the best time. If you're going to have to rely on the government, probably not the best time.





There is my two cents. I'm sure I'll get bashed for it as I have before. But children deserve to live in a home that basic needs are met.





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amy31308
by Ashlee on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:27 AM
And it's GREAT that you have your mothers help if you need it. That is awesome. You're very blessed to have that option. And there is nothing wrong with needing help.


I just can't wrap my head around needing and using that help just to go get pregnant again so you're stuck trying even harder and depending on others longer.

I see nothing wrong with falling on hard times and using help. Nothing wrong with it at all- even if you have a family already. I think that's being missed. I don't think I'm better than anyone for not being in those shoes. I just think it makes sense to wait until you are stable again. Not to never try for another child again but wait til you're stable. There is a huge difference.
Quoting StrawberryCool:

Then why do you judge me?



And you cant say that you dont...but you do. And we all know you do.



My daughter doesnt go with out. She gets new clothes every few weeks. Food three-four times a day. Plenty to drink roof over her head. Her own bed at night, a full toy room full of toys.



So yes I have to get help from my mother right now, but im one of the better moms in my town and on my street.



And hopefully the temp agency has an opening this up coming week for hubby to be making 12.50-13 an hour. And we wont need my mothers help or the goverments help.



But you out of all people cant say you arent judgemental when in reality you are





We are ALL judgemental in some type of way or form.



Quoting amy31308:

Please point out to me where I am being judgemental. I love when people look at Christians always want to scream "you're so judgemental". Just funny coming from one christian to another when I wasn't condemning anyone. Just stating a very realistic opinion.  I obviously must have struck a nerve with you. Maybe you're one that fits my description of my opinion and you don't like hearing the truth. I don't know your situation nor do I care to know. 

But anyone who thinks that someone should still TTC despite not being able meet basic needs of children/household then they are nuts. 

God works in mysterious ways. He gives people children who aren't ready (I was one of them with my first) and can turn that into the biggest blessing ever. I was 18 when I had him, but we didn't have to rely on the government or our parents. We paid our bills and lived a very basic life to afford to give my son what he needed until we could afford more. And of course, looking back he was such a miracle in our lives. But would I have ever intentionally TTC then? HECK NO!!!!!! You would have found my thoughts in my college books, at the mall with friends, or hanging out with Andrew. NOT charting and TTC and trying to scrape together money to go buy a pregnancy test. 

I actually am one who doesn't get all butt hurt when I see young women get pregnant on accident. You however, I have seen so many posts about you complaining about other people getting pregnant and post THEIR situations and you've been the most judgemental of most! So calling one person judgemental coming from you is quiet ironic. 

But call me what you want, I'm far from judgemental actually. It may seem that way because of *this* opinion but that's so funny to me. 

I only think children deserve the best. They deserve to be warm at night and go to bed with food in their bellies and be able to go to the dr when they are sick. *Shrugs* Guess that's terrible of me and so judgemental. 

Quoting NoraDun:

And I don't argue that, I absolutel agree. I just also believe that one cant judge people based off of a post they make saying they can't pick up a pregnancy test today for whatever reason. I thought your theory was all about not judging?? I just think that is very judgmental for anyone to say. I personally have never been that down and out, but I know some DAMN good parents who lost everything when her Husband lost his job, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her baby that she just concieved. That just means God had a plan. You of all people I thought could understand God's plan goes over and beyond our own!!

Quoting amy31308:

I couldn't agree with you more.





It baffles me when people openly posts their situations that IMO are in no place ready to have a baby. I'm not saying they dont deserve the chance- but maybe work on getting to a better place before trying to throw a baby in the mix as well.





And no.. You dont need to be rich. But if you're living and depending with your parents then probably not the best time. If you can't afford a test, probably not the best time. If you can't pay the bills every month probably not the best time. If you're going to have to rely on the government, probably not the best time.





There is my two cents. I'm sure I'll get bashed for it as I have before. But children deserve to live in a home that basic needs are met.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amy31308
by Ashlee on Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:29 AM
Awesome. That's great! I sincerely hope you succeed!!!

Quoting StrawberryCool:

I also want to mention that I am in school getting a degree ao in 2014 I can go out and get a good job.




Quoting amy31308:

Please point out to me where I am being judgemental. I love when people look at Christians always want to scream "you're so judgemental". Just funny coming from one christian to another when I wasn't condemning anyone. Just stating a very realistic opinion.  I obviously must have struck a nerve with you. Maybe you're one that fits my description of my opinion and you don't like hearing the truth. I don't know your situation nor do I care to know. 

But anyone who thinks that someone should still TTC despite not being able meet basic needs of children/household then they are nuts. 

God works in mysterious ways. He gives people children who aren't ready (I was one of them with my first) and can turn that into the biggest blessing ever. I was 18 when I had him, but we didn't have to rely on the government or our parents. We paid our bills and lived a very basic life to afford to give my son what he needed until we could afford more. And of course, looking back he was such a miracle in our lives. But would I have ever intentionally TTC then? HECK NO!!!!!! You would have found my thoughts in my college books, at the mall with friends, or hanging out with Andrew. NOT charting and TTC and trying to scrape together money to go buy a pregnancy test. 

I actually am one who doesn't get all butt hurt when I see young women get pregnant on accident. You however, I have seen so many posts about you complaining about other people getting pregnant and post THEIR situations and you've been the most judgemental of most! So calling one person judgemental coming from you is quiet ironic. 

But call me what you want, I'm far from judgemental actually. It may seem that way because of *this* opinion but that's so funny to me. 

I only think children deserve the best. They deserve to be warm at night and go to bed with food in their bellies and be able to go to the dr when they are sick. *Shrugs* Guess that's terrible of me and so judgemental. 

Quoting NoraDun:

And I don't argue that, I absolutel agree. I just also believe that one cant judge people based off of a post they make saying they can't pick up a pregnancy test today for whatever reason. I thought your theory was all about not judging?? I just think that is very judgmental for anyone to say. I personally have never been that down and out, but I know some DAMN good parents who lost everything when her Husband lost his job, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her baby that she just concieved. That just means God had a plan. You of all people I thought could understand God's plan goes over and beyond our own!!

Quoting amy31308:

I couldn't agree with you more.





It baffles me when people openly posts their situations that IMO are in no place ready to have a baby. I'm not saying they dont deserve the chance- but maybe work on getting to a better place before trying to throw a baby in the mix as well.





And no.. You dont need to be rich. But if you're living and depending with your parents then probably not the best time. If you can't afford a test, probably not the best time. If you can't pay the bills every month probably not the best time. If you're going to have to rely on the government, probably not the best time.





There is my two cents. I'm sure I'll get bashed for it as I have before. But children deserve to live in a home that basic needs are met.




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FarmGirl2B
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 7:14 AM
Lots of these ladies ads spending huge amounts of money on fertility items and treatments not covered by insurance.
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StrawberryCool
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:19 AM
I agree.

But sometimes it takes forever to get stable.

I want to be done with kids by 35.

And with the issues im having we arent sure if its possible


Quoting amy31308:

And it's GREAT that you have your mothers help if you need it. That is awesome. You're very blessed to have that option. And there is nothing wrong with needing help.


I just can't wrap my head around needing and using that help just to go get pregnant again so you're stuck trying even harder and depending on others longer.

I see nothing wrong with falling on hard times and using help. Nothing wrong with it at all- even if you have a family already. I think that's being missed. I don't think I'm better than anyone for not being in those shoes. I just think it makes sense to wait until you are stable again. Not to never try for another child again but wait til you're stable. There is a huge difference.
Quoting StrawberryCool:

Then why do you judge me?



And you cant say that you dont...but you do. And we all know you do.



My daughter doesnt go with out. She gets new clothes every few weeks. Food three-four times a day. Plenty to drink roof over her head. Her own bed at night, a full toy room full of toys.



So yes I have to get help from my mother right now, but im one of the better moms in my town and on my street.



And hopefully the temp agency has an opening this up coming week for hubby to be making 12.50-13 an hour. And we wont need my mothers help or the goverments help.



But you out of all people cant say you arent judgemental when in reality you are





We are ALL judgemental in some type of way or form.




Quoting amy31308:

Please point out to me where I am being judgemental. I love when people look at Christians always want to scream "you're so judgemental". Just funny coming from one christian to another when I wasn't condemning anyone. Just stating a very realistic opinion.  I obviously must have struck a nerve with you. Maybe you're one that fits my description of my opinion and you don't like hearing the truth. I don't know your situation nor do I care to know. 

But anyone who thinks that someone should still TTC despite not being able meet basic needs of children/household then they are nuts. 

God works in mysterious ways. He gives people children who aren't ready (I was one of them with my first) and can turn that into the biggest blessing ever. I was 18 when I had him, but we didn't have to rely on the government or our parents. We paid our bills and lived a very basic life to afford to give my son what he needed until we could afford more. And of course, looking back he was such a miracle in our lives. But would I have ever intentionally TTC then? HECK NO!!!!!! You would have found my thoughts in my college books, at the mall with friends, or hanging out with Andrew. NOT charting and TTC and trying to scrape together money to go buy a pregnancy test. 

I actually am one who doesn't get all butt hurt when I see young women get pregnant on accident. You however, I have seen so many posts about you complaining about other people getting pregnant and post THEIR situations and you've been the most judgemental of most! So calling one person judgemental coming from you is quiet ironic. 

But call me what you want, I'm far from judgemental actually. It may seem that way because of *this* opinion but that's so funny to me. 

I only think children deserve the best. They deserve to be warm at night and go to bed with food in their bellies and be able to go to the dr when they are sick. *Shrugs* Guess that's terrible of me and so judgemental. 

Quoting NoraDun:

And I don't argue that, I absolutel agree. I just also believe that one cant judge people based off of a post they make saying they can't pick up a pregnancy test today for whatever reason. I thought your theory was all about not judging?? I just think that is very judgmental for anyone to say. I personally have never been that down and out, but I know some DAMN good parents who lost everything when her Husband lost his job, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her baby that she just concieved. That just means God had a plan. You of all people I thought could understand God's plan goes over and beyond our own!!

Quoting amy31308:

I couldn't agree with you more.





It baffles me when people openly posts their situations that IMO are in no place ready to have a baby. I'm not saying they dont deserve the chance- but maybe work on getting to a better place before trying to throw a baby in the mix as well.





And no.. You dont need to be rich. But if you're living and depending with your parents then probably not the best time. If you can't afford a test, probably not the best time. If you can't pay the bills every month probably not the best time. If you're going to have to rely on the government, probably not the best time.





There is my two cents. I'm sure I'll get bashed for it as I have before. But children deserve to live in a home that basic needs are met.







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mama_Dolly
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:39 AM
We live income based housing.... if we didnt the way rent is here for a non govt own place is ridiculous. We couldnt afford a second.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LavenderMom23
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:55 AM
3 moms liked this

if you can afford a cup of coffee a day you can afford a baby. As for test expenses, maybe that's the point, they are saving up for baby and don't want their diaper funds etc to go to tests. Others are very frugal, my father for example literally has a heart attack over every dollar he spends even though he has enough to be comfortable in a half million dollar home. I think it is too hard to judge posts, not all info is included in our fast digital world. But babies and children learn so much from life and the greatest of things are free. As for food, it comes. You change jobs, take one seconds, go back to college after babies etc. Financial is never permanent. The only 'wrong' time would be an abusive spouse, a medical condition that makes it horrifingly dangerous to be pregnant. The real things that matter.

LavenderMom23
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

A multigenerational household in our culture is looked down upon, however there are some countries where multigenerational households are the norm. Personally, I find them more enriching and nurishing for traditions, emotional support, and development of children. Acutally, I find our culture where living in single family households to be  a down side. Family is never a burden, just like a baby is never a burden. We are talking people .... not replacables.

Quoting amy31308:

And it's GREAT that you have your mothers help if you need it. That is awesome. You're very blessed to have that option. And there is nothing wrong with needing help.


I just can't wrap my head around needing and using that help just to go get pregnant again so you're stuck trying even harder and depending on others longer.

I see nothing wrong with falling on hard times and using help. Nothing wrong with it at all- even if you have a family already. I think that's being missed. I don't think I'm better than anyone for not being in those shoes. I just think it makes sense to wait until you are stable again. Not to never try for another child again but wait til you're stable. There is a huge difference.
Quoting StrawberryCool:

Then why do you judge me?



And you cant say that you dont...but you do. And we all know you do.



My daughter doesnt go with out. She gets new clothes every few weeks. Food three-four times a day. Plenty to drink roof over her head. Her own bed at night, a full toy room full of toys.



So yes I have to get help from my mother right now, but im one of the better moms in my town and on my street.



And hopefully the temp agency has an opening this up coming week for hubby to be making 12.50-13 an hour. And we wont need my mothers help or the goverments help.



But you out of all people cant say you arent judgemental when in reality you are





We are ALL judgemental in some type of way or form.



Quoting amy31308:

Please point out to me where I am being judgemental. I love when people look at Christians always want to scream "you're so judgemental". Just funny coming from one christian to another when I wasn't condemning anyone. Just stating a very realistic opinion.  I obviously must have struck a nerve with you. Maybe you're one that fits my description of my opinion and you don't like hearing the truth. I don't know your situation nor do I care to know. 

But anyone who thinks that someone should still TTC despite not being able meet basic needs of children/household then they are nuts. 

God works in mysterious ways. He gives people children who aren't ready (I was one of them with my first) and can turn that into the biggest blessing ever. I was 18 when I had him, but we didn't have to rely on the government or our parents. We paid our bills and lived a very basic life to afford to give my son what he needed until we could afford more. And of course, looking back he was such a miracle in our lives. But would I have ever intentionally TTC then? HECK NO!!!!!! You would have found my thoughts in my college books, at the mall with friends, or hanging out with Andrew. NOT charting and TTC and trying to scrape together money to go buy a pregnancy test. 

I actually am one who doesn't get all butt hurt when I see young women get pregnant on accident. You however, I have seen so many posts about you complaining about other people getting pregnant and post THEIR situations and you've been the most judgemental of most! So calling one person judgemental coming from you is quiet ironic. 

But call me what you want, I'm far from judgemental actually. It may seem that way because of *this* opinion but that's so funny to me. 

I only think children deserve the best. They deserve to be warm at night and go to bed with food in their bellies and be able to go to the dr when they are sick. *Shrugs* Guess that's terrible of me and so judgemental. 

Quoting NoraDun:

And I don't argue that, I absolutel agree. I just also believe that one cant judge people based off of a post they make saying they can't pick up a pregnancy test today for whatever reason. I thought your theory was all about not judging?? I just think that is very judgmental for anyone to say. I personally have never been that down and out, but I know some DAMN good parents who lost everything when her Husband lost his job, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her baby that she just concieved. That just means God had a plan. You of all people I thought could understand God's plan goes over and beyond our own!!

Quoting amy31308:

I couldn't agree with you more.





It baffles me when people openly posts their situations that IMO are in no place ready to have a baby. I'm not saying they dont deserve the chance- but maybe work on getting to a better place before trying to throw a baby in the mix as well.





And no.. You dont need to be rich. But if you're living and depending with your parents then probably not the best time. If you can't afford a test, probably not the best time. If you can't pay the bills every month probably not the best time. If you're going to have to rely on the government, probably not the best time.





There is my two cents. I'm sure I'll get bashed for it as I have before. But children deserve to live in a home that basic needs are met.






PrEgGoSaUrUs
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:25 PM
2 moms liked this
Quoting amy31308:
No Hun your putting words in your mouth. I was just pointing out the fact that you were being a tad bit judgmental in a group that's meant to support, empower and encourage women who are TTC.
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amy31308
by Ashlee on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:34 PM
Whatever you say Hun ;)

Quoting PrEgGoSaUrUs:

Quoting amy31308:


No Hun your putting words in your mouth. I was just pointing out the fact that you were being a tad bit judgmental in a group that's mean to support, empower and encourage women who are TTC.
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