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oddly calm and at peace

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:12 AM
  • 16 Replies
4 moms liked this

I have been on this ttc journey now for 19 months. The road hasn't been easy and it hasn't been free of disappointment and heartache. But I guess I have reached a point where I'm ok with whatever happens. I want to be a mother more than anything but I guess I'm starting to realize there is more than one way of making that happen. Dh and I have tossed around the idea of adoption if for some reason I can't get pregnant but the more I think about the idea the more appealing the idea of adoption is. I feel as though even if we are still trying to have a biological child why not still adopt? Why use adoption as a back up plan? There are so many kids out there that are being raised in foster care so why not give one or more of them a forever home? To me a child isn't defined by DNA my child is any little blessing I have in my heart and in my home. I don't feel the need to be genetically related to a child to be their mother. I'll never give up on getting pregnant but I still think I'm going to look more in depth into adoption. It's one of those things that just feels right to me. I'm just at a point right now where I've made peace with the way things are for right now and maybe just maybe I'm meant to find a child that has already been born to call my own before I get to carry another blessing inside of me. Sorry if I'm kinda rambling on but these thoughts have been in my head for awhile now and I just needed to get them out. Thanks for reading ladies. Tons of baby dust to you all!!!!

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
turnergrace
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:53 AM

That's awesome!! I hear a lot about couples who adopt and then get pregnant - either during the process of adopting or once they have their first child! It's pretty amazing. I hope either way everything works out the way you want. : )

SmallRiver22
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:12 AM
1 mom liked this
That's what my Dh and I just did we got our foster license in march and we have 2 foster daughters. We just terminated on moms rights now we are getting ready to do dads. We are getting ready to adopt them. We have been trying to get pregnant for almost 8 years.
MommyAddie
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:30 AM
5 moms liked this
You are the right kind of person to adopt :) You're 200% right that it's not a second choice, back up plan. People should adopt because they WANT to adopt.

I wanted to adopt since I was a child. I would tell people I was going to adopt babies when I grew up. That was long before I knew I'd face infertility. When my exhusband and I got engaged, we talked about adopting from foster care, and it turned out that he had always felt the same way as I did, although we both assumed we would have biological children as well.

As it turned out, I couldn't get pregnant and it caused me a lot of pain and depression. All of that was seperate from my desire to adopt, though. We were able to adopt newborn twin girls and they became my world. They were a miracle.

I still struggled with the pain of infertility. We still tried to concieve until our divorce, but it wasn't meant to be for us. I had a lot of pregnancy envy and faced a bout of depression over it. I had to deal with that seperatly because it was a whole seperate issue. It was easier to deal with at that point because I was a mom and had 2 new lives to focus on and I loved being a new mom.

Long story made short, after my divorce I resolved my fertility issues and was able to concieve with my new husband. I now have two adopted children and two biological children and I can testify under oath that I feel no less a connection to the twins than to the girls I carried and birthed. And to be very honest (I don't tell people this) I looked for a difference- I was just very curious to see if I would feel some pull towards the child I birthed, like a new feeling I hadn't felt with the twins because of biology, and I didn't. I'm truly their mother and they are all just (miraculously) mine. Everyone got here exactly how they were meant to. It's a really beautiful situation and we always say I'm the luckiest mommy ever because I got to do both.

Good, good luck whatever you decide. You can always let me know if you have any questions. You're on the right track with such a great outlook on it.
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midnitelady84
by Kristan on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Ok i don't know if it's my hormones or what but this just made me cry! U are so amazing to thank that way! Any child would be lucky to have u as a mother! You are right tho it takes more than DNA to be a mother! Good luck hun!
mdawn028
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:12 AM
Awwwww that's so sweet hon hugs
Hope for the best for you in whatever you decide sweety hugs
Hoping you get a.BFP hon hugs
katgarrett85
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:48 PM
Thank you sooooo much!

Quoting midnitelady84: Ok i don't know if it's my hormones or what but this just made me cry! U are so amazing to thank that way! Any child would be lucky to have u as a mother! You are right tho it takes more than DNA to be a mother! Good luck hun!
katgarrett85
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:51 PM
I'm adoptex so i just kinda always assumed i would adopt one day. My adoptive parents are amazing people who to this day still support me in everything i do. I just think that there were so many kids out there that need love and a safe place to call home so why not give then one and maybe make a difference to a child that really needs it

Quoting MommyAddie: You are the right kind of person to adopt :) You're 200% right that it's not a second choice, back up plan. People should adopt because they WANT to adopt.

I wanted to adopt since I was a child. I would tell people I was going to adopt babies when I grew up. That was long before I knew I'd face infertility. When my exhusband and I got engaged, we talked about adopting from foster care, and it turned out that he had always felt the same way as I did, although we both assumed we would have biological children as well.

As it turned out, I couldn't get pregnant and it caused me a lot of pain and depression. All of that was seperate from my desire to adopt, though. We were able to adopt newborn twin girls and they became my world. They were a miracle.

I still struggled with the pain of infertility. We still tried to concieve until our divorce, but it wasn't meant to be for us. I had a lot of pregnancy envy and faced a bout of depression over it. I had to deal with that seperatly because it was a whole seperate issue. It was easier to deal with at that point because I was a mom and had 2 new lives to focus on and I loved being a new mom.

Long story made short, after my divorce I resolved my fertility issues and was able to concieve with my new husband. I now have two adopted children and two biological children and I can testify under oath that I feel no less a connection to the twins than to the girls I carried and birthed. And to be very honest (I don't tell people this) I looked for a difference- I was just very curious to see if I would feel some pull towards the child I birthed, like a new feeling I hadn't felt with the twins because of biology, and I didn't. I'm truly their mother and they are all just (miraculously) mine. Everyone got here exactly how they were meant to. It's a really beautiful situation and we always say I'm the luckiest mommy ever because I got to do both.

Good, good luck whatever you decide. You can always let me know if you have any questions. You're on the right track with such a great outlook on it.
Kimipeli
by Group Admin on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:30 PM
Someone I knew who adopted said.it.best to that child: I may not have been the mother who gave birth to you but you are the daughter I got to pick out and choose from. For that we'll always have a special bond that your brother and sisters never can relate to.
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Kimipeli
by Group Admin on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:33 PM
Sorry my phone posted to soon. Anyways, I'm so happy for you and think you'll be a great mother to ur biological children and your children you got to hand pick from! They both are equally such a blessing!
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ARClay
by Alyssa on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:06 PM
DH and I talked about adopting and still trying, but the agency I looked at requires the couple to be married for three years minimum. We aren't there yet..
Hugs mama.
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