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sister inlaw help

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:15 PM
  • 6 Replies
So my dh sister has been TTC for several years and hasn't been able to. I have tried to be really supportive when I started school I told her I would be her surrogate and I've tried to help her get started on an adoption process but she has never went very far with either option. Well we just found out were pregnant and I'm nervous to tell her cuz I'm afraid it will hinder her relationship with the baby or with me and her brother. I don't want her feelings to be hurt. How do I tall to her about it
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:15 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Libby22
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:18 PM

 I would tell her when you tell the rest of the family. We waited to tell ANYONE except my mom until 12 weeks and we haven't told my in-laws yet (I'm 13 weeks). She might be offended if you don't give her the opportunity to be happy for you and supportive. You can always take her aside beforehand and tell her gently. Don't be surprised if she distances yourself from you and the pregnancy, and try to be understanding about it. She'll most likely come around when the baby is born. Afterall it's her niece or nephew!

huntermom85
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:20 PM
Thanks I just worry about it I don't want her feelings hurt cuz I love her tons

Quoting Libby22:

 I would tell her when you tell the rest of the family. We waited to tell ANYONE except my mom until 12 weeks and we haven't told my in-laws yet (I'm 13 weeks). She might be offended if you don't give her the opportunity to be happy for you and supportive. You can always take her aside beforehand and tell her gently. Don't be surprised if she distances yourself from you and the pregnancy, and try to be understanding about it. She'll most likely come around when the baby is born. Afterall it's her niece or nephew!

Libby22
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:23 PM

 Then give her the opportunity to love you back! Think how hurt she would be if you singled her out. If you're planning some sort of announcement I think you should just pull her aside and tell her gently that you understand she's been struggling. Tell her you're pregnant but you understand if she doesn't want to hear details about your pregnancy (that will take some pressure off her).

She'll no doubt appreciate that you're trying to be considerate of her feelings.

Quoting huntermom85: Thanks I just worry about it I don't want her feelings hurt cuz I love her tons

Quoting Libby22:

 I would tell her when you tell the rest of the family. We waited to tell ANYONE except my mom until 12 weeks and we haven't told my in-laws yet (I'm 13 weeks). She might be offended if you don't give her the opportunity to be happy for you and supportive. You can always take her aside beforehand and tell her gently. Don't be surprised if she distances yourself from you and the pregnancy, and try to be understanding about it. She'll most likely come around when the baby is born. Afterall it's her niece or nephew!

 

Dani1009
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:26 PM
I was in this situation, only I was the infertile sister-in-law. We'd been TTC for years, when my 45 year old SIL called me the week before Christmas last year. She told me she was pregnant with her 4th child and that she hoped I wasn't mad at her & it wouldnt affect our relationship. I cried, I couldn't hold it in. I thanked for for telling me privately (getting news like that is overwhelmming to those TTC for a long time). I told her I was happy for her, but crying because I was sad for myself & explained that I would need her understanding if I keep my distance.
Tell your SIL privately, be prepared for tears, and know she's not mad at you, but sad for her own situation. Also, adoption & surrogacy are very expensive. For us,we never considered either because we want a biological child, and the ability to experience pregnancy & birth. We chose IVF & are pregnant with twins. We are so happy we chose IVF, its providing us with the biological children we've always dreamed of.
GoldenLinds
by Linds on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Excellet advice and perfectly put.

Quoting Dani1009: I was in this situation, only I was the infertile sister-in-law. We'd been TTC for years, when my 45 year old SIL called me the week before Christmas last year. She told me she was pregnant with her 4th child and that she hoped I wasn't mad at her & it wouldnt affect our relationship. I cried, I couldn't hold it in. I thanked for for telling me privately (getting news like that is overwhelmming to those TTC for a long time). I told her I was happy for her, but crying because I was sad for myself & explained that I would need her understanding if I keep my distance.
Tell your SIL privately, be prepared for tears, and know she's not mad at you, but sad for her own situation. Also, adoption & surrogacy are very expensive. For us,we never considered either because we want a biological child, and the ability to experience pregnancy & birth. We chose IVF & are pregnant with twins. We are so happy we chose IVF, its providing us with the biological children we've always dreamed of.


huntermom85
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Thank you so much for sharing you side of things helps me put things in perspective

Quoting Dani1009: I was in this situation, only I was the infertile sister-in-law. We'd been TTC for years, when my 45 year old SIL called me the week before Christmas last year. She told me she was pregnant with her 4th child and that she hoped I wasn't mad at her & it wouldnt affect our relationship. I cried, I couldn't hold it in. I thanked for for telling me privately (getting news like that is overwhelmming to those TTC for a long time). I told her I was happy for her, but crying because I was sad for myself & explained that I would need her understanding if I keep my distance.

Tell your SIL privately, be prepared for tears, and know she's not mad at you, but sad for her own situation. Also, adoption & surrogacy are very expensive. For us,we never considered either because we want a biological child, and the ability to experience pregnancy & birth. We chose IVF & are pregnant with twins. We are so happy we chose IVF, its providing us with the biological children we've always dreamed of.
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