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I'm a complete mess today! *vent and cry fest and some language*

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:33 PM
  • 15 Replies

Since the kids are in bed I'm taking the time to type this out now cause I really need to.  I know I've posted too much about the chemical thing.  I'm sorry if I'm being a pain.  Really I'm just scared and broken heart-ed.  I've never been through anything like this and I just don't know how to handle this.

Today was BAD.  Everything seemed to go wrong.  I've been so scared this was an ectopic or molar (always thinking the worst) and last night when I had light bleeding I though "Good maybe it will start and be over with"  Had more light bleeding this morning when I got DD up for school.  Felt more confident it would be over soon.  After I drove her to school I laid back down for an hour or so like a always do before the other two get up.  When I got up the bleeding had stopped!  I was LIVID.  At least to begin with. 

Got even more mad when I checked out bank account and the check my DH had dropped off the day before still wasn't in the account.  Well long story short the financial shit hit the fan.  After I went to the store and came home to tell DH what happened I lost it.  We were both mad about the money situation and so were yelling at each other and then I just yelled "Well how the hell do you think I feel?  I mean shit we already know we lost the baby why wont it just go already!  Every time something bad happens it can't just be bad and us get over it, it always has to be BAD BAD!"  And just started bawling.  And that's when he came up and just held me and let me cry. 

Now we have to figure what we are going to do to get gas money for him to get to and from work til he get paid again.  I mean we don't even have the money to get valentines for our DD to have for school.  We are going to have to make them our selves I guess.  The only thing I could think of to help some was I had bought a little outfit from old navy for the new baby that now isn't going to happen.  I still had the recepit.  I wanted to keep it for when we get to try again.  And it's killing me, like I can literally feel pain in my chest to think of how he now has to take it back for fucking gas money!  It hurts. At least the bleeding picked back up today and I'm praying to God that it PLEASE just start already.  I so want to be past it so I can move on. 

Please bear in mind things aren't always this bad with money for us.  Maybe tight, yes, but not this bad.  But I had ended up spending almost $60 in pregnancy tests this pay period because of all this chemical crap.

I wish my DH was home from work cause I need a snuggle. :(


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by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ARClay
by Alyssa on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:55 PM
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I'm so sorry hun. I can't imagine what you're going through. I wish I could give you a big ol' hug and let you cry it out.

Mom2five87
by Jen on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Im sorry. I've had 2 chemicals. It sucks but you will get through it and you will probably get your sticky bfp before you know it. Gl : )
vkp23
by Virginia on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you!  I sure could use the hugs, and I'm not a hugger with people except my husband and kids.

Quoting ARClay:

I'm so sorry hun. I can't imagine what you're going through. I wish I could give you a big ol' hug and let you cry it out.


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vkp23
by Virginia on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:05 PM

I'm sorry for your losses!  And thank you!  I will make it, but I think it hit me worse today because I try too hard to hide it all.  I hadn't allowed myself to cry about until today.  And I sure hope we get a sticky next time.  Thankfully the spotting/light bleeding did keep up today and I just went to the bathroom and it's gotten enough to need a pad and had some teeny tiny clots with a tiny bit of cramping so maybe it's actually starting now.  I really hope so.  This being strung along is killing me.  :(

Quoting Mom2five87: Im sorry. I've had 2 chemicals. It sucks but you will get through it and you will probably get your sticky bfp before you know it. Gl : )


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Raindelay
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry. I am sure it has to hurt really bad right now. I hope you guys can get through these next couple weeks and things will get better. It sounds like you have a really good guy to support you.
SECL
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:16 PM
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I'm so so sorry! :'(  Big Hugs!  Praying for you ♥

Mom2five87
by Jen on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this
I know what you mean. With my first chemical I got a bfp and started bleeding the same day. Then the tests gradually got lighter until they were negative.

But with my second, I got a bfp and then my tests got lighter and lighter until they were negative But I didn't start bleeding til 4 or 5 days later. The waiting is horrible when you know you already lost it.

But on a positive note, with both of my chemicals I bled for 7 days, ovulated on day 15-16 and got pregnant again right away. Last time I had a healthy baby boy and now I am 15 weeks pregnant with twins. I hope it happens quickly for you :)


Quoting vkp23:

I'm sorry for your losses!  And thank you!  I will make it, but I think it hit me worse today because I try too hard to hide it all.  I hadn't allowed myself to cry about until today.  And I sure hope we get a sticky next time.  Thankfully the spotting/light bleeding did keep up today and I just went to the bathroom and it's gotten enough to need a pad and had some teeny tiny clots with a tiny bit of cramping so maybe it's actually starting now.  I really hope so.  This being strung along is killing me.  :(

Quoting Mom2five87: Im sorry. I've had 2 chemicals. It sucks but you will get through it and you will probably get your sticky bfp before you know it. Gl : )


GoldenLinds
by Linds on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Im so sorry. I know thats totally inadequate but its the best ive got to give. I wish I could just give you a big hug and cry with you. Its cathartic. Eventually wed both laugh and it would all seem like it was going to be ok for a while.
ttc2014
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this

aww sweetie I know how you feel just had my first loss a chemical also last month 

also Darlin you can post as much as you want to it don't bother me one bit and we are here for you if you need to cry laugh or vent either way I will be here for you when you need to talk it does help to get it all out and i hope things get better for you and yours so sorry again for your loss

hugs

vkp23
by Virginia on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:34 PM

OMG that would be a dream!  I have heard that you are more fertile after a chemical and that is what I'm praying for.  This Chemical did the same as your second.  Got the BFP and then they got lighter and lighter til they were neg and then just been waiting for like 3 or 4 days for the bleeding to start.  The waiting is awful!

Quoting Mom2five87: I know what you mean. With my first chemical I got a bfp and started bleeding the same day. Then the tests gradually got lighter until they were negative.

But with my second, I got a bfp and then my tests got lighter and lighter until they were negative But I didn't start bleeding til 4 or 5 days later. The waiting is horrible when you know you already lost it.

But on a positive note, with both of my chemicals I bled for 7 days, ovulated on day 15-16 and got pregnant again right away. Last time I had a healthy baby boy and now I am 15 weeks pregnant with twins. I hope it happens quickly for you :)


Quoting vkp23:

I'm sorry for your losses!  And thank you!  I will make it, but I think it hit me worse today because I try too hard to hide it all.  I hadn't allowed myself to cry about until today.  And I sure hope we get a sticky next time.  Thankfully the spotting/light bleeding did keep up today and I just went to the bathroom and it's gotten enough to need a pad and had some teeny tiny clots with a tiny bit of cramping so maybe it's actually starting now.  I really hope so.  This being strung along is killing me.  :(

Quoting Mom2five87: Im sorry. I've had 2 chemicals. It sucks but you will get through it and you will probably get your sticky bfp before you know it. Gl : )



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