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TTC - Trying to Conceive TTC - Trying to Conceive

Does this make me a bad person?

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:21 PM
  • 43 Replies

If dh and I decide to go forward with the foster to adoption process, I still want us to keep trying to have a biological child. Does that make me a bad person??

by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
famama
by Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Not at all, makes you a good person for doing that!

StaciF
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:31 PM
2 moms liked this

absolutely not!! there is nothing wrong with that!!  I have friends who had mc after mc then did the foster to adoption and ended up getting pregnant and adopting ther foster son all at the same time - they now have two amazing little boys that you'd think were twins because they are only with in a month of each other - both are blessings from God and each chosen to be in that family

hypnautica
by Jennifer on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:34 PM
2 moms liked this
No, why in the world would you think that?
jamie_lynn0709
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:38 PM

I joined one of the fostering boards and posted that I was new and looking for advice and stories about the whole process. I said that I still wanted to try to have one of our own. A woman responded to me, but I don't know if I am misinterpreting what she is telling me or not. To me I am almost taking it that she is...bad mouthing?...me in a way for wanting to try to have one of our own. I know that the number one rule in fostering is getting the children back with the birth parents, I know that the hardest thing is going to be getting attached and then the child going back to the parents. This is what she said to me, tell me if I am completely going the wrong way with this...It's her last sentence that is throwing me off...,



I would recommend taking one class and talking to the workers first. It is very hard to adopt an infant (sounds like what you are looking for?) from foster care. It can take years and then they can just leave. But then there are cases where they are there forever and stay. It just depends.
I would make sure you are prepared for a child to come and leave first. 

Quoting StaciF:

absolutely not!! there is nothing wrong with that!!  I have friends who had mc after mc then did the foster to adoption and ended up getting pregnant and adopting ther foster son all at the same time - they now have two amazing little boys that you'd think were twins because they are only with in a month of each other - both are blessings from God and each chosen to be in that family


jamie_lynn0709
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:39 PM


I joined one of the fostering boards and posted that I was new and looking for advice and stories about the whole process. I said that I still wanted to try to have one of our own. A woman responded to me, but I don't know if I am misinterpreting what she is telling me or not. To me I am almost taking it that she is...bad mouthing?...me in a way for wanting to try to have one of our own. I know that the number one rule in fostering is getting the children back with the birth parents, I know that the hardest thing is going to be getting attached and then the child going back to the parents. This is what she said to me, tell me if I am completely going the wrong way with this...It's her last sentence that is throwing me off...,



I would recommend taking one class and talking to the workers first. It is very hard to adopt an infant (sounds like what you are looking for?) from foster care. It can take years and then they can just leave. But then there are cases where they are there forever and stay. It just depends.
I would make sure you are prepared for a child to come and leave first. 

Quoting hypnautica: No, why in the world would you think that?


StaciF
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this

i kind of took it as the 'tough love' approach - because you are saying you still want to keep trying she is assuming you are wanting a baby "for keeps" - so she is just making sure you understand you don't usually get to keep the foster babies/kids.  but i see what you mean - it is a bit of a brash approach in the way she worded it.  i think that you should pour your whole heart in to it - even knowing that each foster child will probably not stay long term - you may have them weeks or years - you just never know.  but each one of those kids needs to experience as unconditional love as you can give them - because they may never get that chance again.  I am a peds nurse and so that's were this is all coming from - see foster babies and having friends who have done foster care and adoption.  If your heart can handle it you will change the lives of many littles along the way!

Quoting jamie_lynn0709:

I joined one of the fostering boards and posted that I was new and looking for advice and stories about the whole process. I said that I still wanted to try to have one of our own. A woman responded to me, but I don't know if I am misinterpreting what she is telling me or not. To me I am almost taking it that she is...bad mouthing?...me in a way for wanting to try to have one of our own. I know that the number one rule in fostering is getting the children back with the birth parents, I know that the hardest thing is going to be getting attached and then the child going back to the parents. This is what she said to me, tell me if I am completely going the wrong way with this...It's her last sentence that is throwing me off...,


I would recommend taking one class and talking to the workers first. It is very hard to adopt an infant (sounds like what you are looking for?) from foster care. It can take years and then they can just leave. But then there are cases where they are there forever and stay. It just depends. I would make sure you are prepared for a child to come and leave first. 

Quoting StaciF:

absolutely not!! there is nothing wrong with that!!  I have friends who had mc after mc then did the foster to adoption and ended up getting pregnant and adopting ther foster son all at the same time - they now have two amazing little boys that you'd think were twins because they are only with in a month of each other - both are blessings from God and each chosen to be in that family


midnitelady84
by Kristan on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I think she was just being upfront and honest that it can be tough because in most cases you don't get to keep them. she just wants you to be sure your ready for that. I don't thank she is trying to be mean. maybe it's something she wishes someone told her.
MMerrill
by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Didn't seem like she was trying to be mean (IMO).  It sounds like she was just being honest.  and no it doesn't make you a bad person at all!

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hypnautica
by Jennifer on Mar. 8, 2014 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this
She may not have meant it to be rude but I would call her out and ask her. A lot of times ladies on these boards are bullies and others are typing things one way and we take it another way and the only way to know how she meant it is to ask.
storkneedsgps
by RoseTyler on Mar. 8, 2014 at 10:36 PM
1 mom liked this
No ofcourse not
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