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WHAT YOUR OPINION?

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:55 PM
  • 12 Replies
Ok , my cousin and her boyfriend want to get pregnant. .. her and her boyfriend are trying. . They don't have their own place. They live with two old men that are in their 60's ... If they end up getting pregnant they will have to move out (she tells me) They don't have a place of their own. I know it's none of my buisness but she asked for my opinion ... I told her what I thought , I told her maybe she should get her own place than work on a family .. she says I'm a hater and Iam negative. .. ugh!!! Why even ask for my opinion? ? !! What do u think?
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NoraDun
by Ruby Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:14 PM

Well...Hmmmm....

Ok first of all, I AM VERY against immature people having kids if they are unable to take care of themselves. An example of this....my niece. She is 20, she is pregnant with her fourth child. The oldest is 3. The first one lives with the girls great aunt. The second lives with a neighbor (she dropped her off one day and never picked her back up) Supposedly those two have the same father although there have been rumors that isn't true. I am not sure. The third baby she has sometimes, sometimes someone else does. That is by a different daddy. And the fourth baby she is pregnant with is by the same father who both of her sisters have kids by! The girl has no education, and has never had a job. Social services has constantly investigated her since the birth of the first for neglect. She lives off the government. THAT is my definition of someone who shouldnt have children.

So I come to my 2nd point!! IF I waited to have kids until I was completely financially set I would still not have children. The world we live in now believes that you have to have a perfect house, a perfect vehicle, so much money saved in the bank for hard times, you must have college funds set up, etc etc etc. I disagree. ( I have shared this info before on cafemom and being harassed and called horrible names for it, but I a going out on a limb to share it again) When my Hubby and I had our first child we lived with my parents (in a separate basement apartment) Baby # 2 we were living on our own when life happened and we had to move back in with my parents. There we had baby #3 we conceived baby #4 there and purchased our first home before baby #4 arrived. We are low income compared to most, we have been told we shouldn't have kids because we can't afford to send them to college. But my children have everything they could ever need and much of what they want. But most of all they have a father and mother who are married, in love, and who spend all of there spare time with them. I also homeschool. My children are amazingly well behaved. They are smart good kids. They don't have what other people THINK they should, but they are rich in many other ways.

SOOOO my point is not to judge a book by its cover. They may not be in an ideal spot right now, but if they are willing to work to get things straight why shouldn't they have a child. As long as they can afford that childs basic needs then I think they should go for it. Because even people with the perfect life, with the perfect house, and the perfect car, can have a life changing event happen that puts them on there butt. You can never really be prepared for life. You never know what is around the corner. And waiting to have children doesnt change that. 

So thats my long explained opinion LOL

waitin2conceive
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:21 PM
Your very right but my point is where would they go ?? With a newborn sleep in their car?? Where I live san francisco is very expensive to live hotels are high as well . I'm not saying she isn't capable but why be bouncing from shelter or house to house with a newborn if she was to get pregnant .. I don't know. I love her but she isn't ready for this

Quoting NoraDun:

Well...Hmmmm....

Ok first of all, I AM VERY against immature people having kids if they are unable to take care of themselves. An example of this....my niece. She is 20, she is pregnant with her fourth child. The oldest is 3. The first one lives with the girls great aunt. The second lives with a neighbor (she dropped her off one day and never picked her back up) Supposedly those two have the same father although there have been rumors that isn't true. I am not sure. The third baby she has sometimes, sometimes someone else does. That is by a different daddy. And the fourth baby she is pregnant with is by the same father who both of her sisters have kids by! The girl has no education, and has never had a job. Social services has constantly investigated her since the birth of the first for neglect. She lives off the government. THAT is my definition of someone who shouldnt have children.

So I come to my 2nd point!! IF I waited to have kids until I was completely financially set I would still not have children. The world we live in now believes that you have to have a perfect house, a perfect vehicle, so much money saved in the bank for hard times, you must have college funds set up, etc etc etc. I disagree. ( I have shared this info before on cafemom and being harassed and called horrible names for it, but I a going out on a limb to share it again) When my Hubby and I had our first child we lived with my parents (in a separate basement apartment) Baby # 2 we were living on our own when life happened and we had to move back in with my parents. There we had baby #3 we conceived baby #4 there and purchased our first home before baby #4 arrived. We are low income compared to most, we have been told we shouldn't have kids because we can't afford to send them to college. But my children have everything they could ever need and much of what they want. But most of all they have a father and mother who are married, in love, and who spend all of there spare time with them. I also homeschool. My children are amazingly well behaved. They are smart good kids. They don't have what other people THINK they should, but they are rich in many other ways.

SOOOO my point is not to judge a book by its cover. They may not be in an ideal spot right now, but if they are willing to work to get things straight why shouldn't they have a child. As long as they can afford that childs basic needs then I think they should go for it. Because even people with the perfect life, with the perfect house, and the perfect car, can have a life changing event happen that puts them on there butt. You can never really be prepared for life. You never know what is around the corner. And waiting to have children doesnt change that. 

So thats my long explained opinion LOL

Mamatobe15
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:24 PM
1 mom liked this
If she asked for your opinion, she shouldn't get mad when you give it to her. She should definitely have a place to live before she gets pregnant, that's irresponsible of her... Does she want to end up pregnant and homeless? A parent should want better for their children.
waitin2conceive
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Well said!!! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

Quoting Mamatobe15: If she asked for your opinion, she shouldn't get mad when you give it to her. She should definitely have a place to live before she gets pregnant, that's irresponsible of her... Does she want to end up pregnant and homeless? A parent should want better for their children.
charm2mama
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry your cousin gave you a hard time. She really shouldn't have asked if she wasn't ready to hear all possible answers. it's hard to say if they are ready without knowing them. Do they both have jobs? Living sf, having roommates isn't too unusual, but do they have the means to support themselves or have a good support system to help them? I'm guessing you had all that in kind when you gave her that advise. Hopefully she will make the best decision for herself. 

tinkerbellp
by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont know your cousin but she dont eihter see or understand what will put herself and the newborn baby and plus they MUST have job place to live get finical set if they want to have an small family but what she and her boyfriend is doing not thinking STRAIGHT all they want what they want not no one elses you not HATER you just EXPRESSING how you feel and whats on your mind she should learn to RESPECT not complain and ect and it just sad how they dont think like about the baby is # 1 they need to sit and think before jumping into an sistuation

waitin2conceive
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:03 PM
She doesn't have a job her boyfriend works . He pays the rent , car note and other bills . She really don't have family .. she is kind of a outkast. I would help but I don't have room here . She said she can get on homless prenatal which helps u find housing but unfortunately the waiting list is closed for that

Quoting charm2mama:

Sorry your cousin gave you a hard time. She really shouldn't have asked if she wasn't ready to hear all possible answers. it's hard to say if they are ready without knowing them. Do they both have jobs? Living sf, having roommates isn't too unusual, but do they have the means to support themselves or have a good support system to help them? I'm guessing you had all that in kind when you gave her that advise. Hopefully she will make the best decision for herself. 

tinkerbellp
by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:11 PM

 aww well like I said she need to figure things out if her and her boyfriend wants an family it will take 2 people get the dreams unless he works double but I dont think he want to do that good luck to her and her boyfriend unless they can get on shelter assistance but they wont allow them being together that the rules

Quoting waitin2conceive: She doesn't have a job her boyfriend works . He pays the rent , car note and other bills . She really don't have family .. she is kind of a outkast. I would help but I don't have room here . She said she can get on homless prenatal which helps u find housing but unfortunately the waiting list is closed for that
Quoting charm2mama:

Sorry your cousin gave you a hard time. She really shouldn't have asked if she wasn't ready to hear all possible answers. it's hard to say if they are ready without knowing them. Do they both have jobs? Living sf, having roommates isn't too unusual, but do they have the means to support themselves or have a good support system to help them? I'm guessing you had all that in kind when you gave her that advise. Hopefully she will make the best decision for herself. 

 

charm2mama
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:12 PM

Oh...does her boyfriend's work get her insurance? I think your opinions were right. They don't seem to be in an ideal situation for a baby. Is she young enough to wait a couple of years to get back on track? 

Quoting waitin2conceive: She doesn't have a job her boyfriend works . He pays the rent , car note and other bills . She really don't have family .. she is kind of a outkast. I would help but I don't have room here . She said she can get on homless prenatal which helps u find housing but unfortunately the waiting list is closed for that
Quoting charm2mama:

Sorry your cousin gave you a hard time. She really shouldn't have asked if she wasn't ready to hear all possible answers. it's hard to say if they are ready without knowing them. Do they both have jobs? Living sf, having roommates isn't too unusual, but do they have the means to support themselves or have a good support system to help them? I'm guessing you had all that in kind when you gave her that advise. Hopefully she will make the best decision for herself. 


tryingfor7
by Amber on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:31 PM
2 moms liked this
I may not like others choices but it's their choices. I'll pray for her.
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