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Vent

Posted by on May. 16, 2017 at 6:51 PM
  • 18 Replies

Ok so my mil does not agree with us ttc. I have three children. An almost 14yo from a previous marriage, then a 4 year old and a 2 year old. THe two babies are a boy and a girl. Mil thinks we should stop because dh has his boy and a girl. So, when she found out that we were wanting another and wasn't doing anything to stop that from happening she wasn't happy. She actually wasn't happy that I didnt get my tubes tide during the c-section to deliver my now 2 year old. She's really something else, ugh.

Anyway, since I started having pain and issues with incredibly heavy periods and everything, and then finding out I now have endometriosis and adenomyosis on top of my pcos, she has been pushing for me to have the hysterectomy now. SHe kept making remarks how when she was in pain like that she went ahead and had it done. I told her "Yeah, but you were OK with not having any more children." SHe was like well yeah...

The pain only really started the last couple of months. Doctor said the adenomyosis would get worse as time goes on to the point of where I'll beg for a hysto. But since he knew we wanted one more baby, he's fully supportive on that and has given us the green light meaning that the pregnancy should be a healthy one and shouldn't cause any issues nor make me high risk. PIssed mil off bad that my ob/gyn is supportive.

Anyway, hah. Mil and I took the kids to mcdonalds today so they could play with other kids. Dh's cousin and 2 of her children showed up. She started asking me what was going on because she finally caught wind that I had surgery almost 2 weeks ago. As I was telling her, she was asking me about treatment options and I told her well the doc said to hurry up and have our last baby then we can go forward with the hysto. The cousin understood my and dh's desire to have just one more freaking baby (I'm frustrated with it taking so long already so excuse me), so she was saying that she was going to pray for us that it happens soon so I can get relief because pregnancy will cause symptoms to lessen or go away completely, and then of course I know that about a year after baby is born I will be free of symptoms as that's when I will agree to do the hysto. Mil, being mil, started saying well you know you can just adopt your last child. It doesnt have to be from you. I again reminded her that she was ok with having her hysto because she was more than done having children. And she had the nerve to tell me that I'll be ok with not having more children if I would just go ahead and get it done already.

We are supposed to see her on Saturday because of dh's niece and nephew's birthday party, but I dont think I want to go now. I want to start limiting time spent with the woman because I dont want to have such negative disapproving people around me. She will never understand what I go through on a daily basis with wanting another child so bad. I'm just tired of the little comments and now the big one today. My pain is only there a couple days before AF and continues through AF, sometimes I will have it at random times, but that's when it happens the most. So it's not an all day every day agony type pain then I could see her reasoning because then I would just be ridiculous. But it's not.

Thanks for reading...

by on May. 16, 2017 at 6:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
vkp23
by Virginia on May. 16, 2017 at 7:27 PM

I can't stand my mil either. Too long of a story to tell why. Any way.  I agree with you.  I'd feel the same.  I'd want one more before going through with something so perminant. But honestly I feel your pain. My mother has NEVER been happy for DH and I to get pregnant.  I'm not exactly sure what her problem is, but every time we got pregnant she got furious. And forget it when I was pregnant with my son and told her I was having a VBAC after two sections.  We can't really talk about it now either.  She knows we want a 5th and are trying but I can't really say anything to her about it.  We did finally just agree to disagree and just don't really talk about it. She loves her grandkids and doesn't resent them in that sense, she just hates for me to be pregnant. I have no idea why.  But, I'm always going to want my big family and that is never going to change and she's always going to hate my being pregnant and that is never going to change so there is just no point arguing about it. 

DixonBabies
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2017 at 7:44 PM

That is so sad that she too cannot be happy for yall. I'm glad she doesn't resent the kids once they are here, though. Mil won't either, I"m sure. I ust dont know what her problem is. Dh says that maybe it's because she can only handle these two so add in another and she won't handle it? I said handle what? She doesn't watch them or anything, so why would she care? lol.

My mom passed in 2014 just a couple weeks before I found out that my youngest was on the way, but I know she would have been thrilled. Now, I have no idea if she would feel the same about us trying again. My dad told me that I should stop after 3 but that's only because my mom started having health issues after her 3rd, aka me. I guess you can say I some what folled in her footsteps because my surgery I had in 2011 did not show adenomyosis nor endometriosis. But for her it was heart disease and diabetes. So, I'm sure he won't be thrilled, but luckily he doesn't really voice his opinon much.

And being told that I have three and should be grateful doesn't help. It doesn't help change the desire in my heart. I'm sure you definitely understand that.

Quoting vkp23:

I can't stand my mil either. Too long of a story to tell why. Any way.  I agree with you.  I'd feel the same.  I'd want one more before going through with something so perminant. But honestly I feel your pain. My mother has NEVER been happy for DH and I to get pregnant.  I'm not exactly sure what her problem is, but every time we got pregnant she got furious. And forget it when I was pregnant with my son and told her I was having a VBAC after two sections.  We can't really talk about it now either.  She knows we want a 5th and are trying but I can't really say anything to her about it.  We did finally just agree to disagree and just don't really talk about it. She loves her grandkids and doesn't resent them in that sense, she just hates for me to be pregnant. I have no idea why.  But, I'm always going to want my big family and that is never going to change and she's always going to hate my being pregnant and that is never going to change so there is just no point arguing about it. 


vkp23
by Virginia on May. 16, 2017 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh I def feel you on that!  I have had people tell me before to just be happy with the 4 I have and I'm like, "but our family isn't complete" there is always gonna be someone missing.  I don't care how many kids you have, fertility issues and knowing your family isn't whole is painful.  I struggled with each of them.  The first three being difficult to get pregnant, one taking 3.5 years, and with the last I had trouble staying pregnant and had two early losses.  Doesn't matter if you have 0 kids or 15, when you know there should be more it breaks your heart.  A lot of people don't get that and give snotty comments if you already have a couple kids  

Quoting DixonBabies:

That is so sad that she too cannot be happy for yall. I'm glad she doesn't resent the kids once they are here, though. Mil won't either, I"m sure. I ust dont know what her problem is. Dh says that maybe it's because she can only handle these two so add in another and she won't handle it? I said handle what? She doesn't watch them or anything, so why would she care? lol.

My mom passed in 2014 just a couple weeks before I found out that my youngest was on the way, but I know she would have been thrilled. Now, I have no idea if she would feel the same about us trying again. My dad told me that I should stop after 3 but that's only because my mom started having health issues after her 3rd, aka me. I guess you can say I some what folled in her footsteps because my surgery I had in 2011 did not show adenomyosis nor endometriosis. But for her it was heart disease and diabetes. So, I'm sure he won't be thrilled, but luckily he doesn't really voice his opinon much.

And being told that I have three and should be grateful doesn't help. It doesn't help change the desire in my heart. I'm sure you definitely understand that.

Quoting vkp23:

I can't stand my mil either. Too long of a story to tell why. Any way.  I agree with you.  I'd feel the same.  I'd want one more before going through with something so perminant. But honestly I feel your pain. My mother has NEVER been happy for DH and I to get pregnant.  I'm not exactly sure what her problem is, but every time we got pregnant she got furious. And forget it when I was pregnant with my son and told her I was having a VBAC after two sections.  We can't really talk about it now either.  She knows we want a 5th and are trying but I can't really say anything to her about it.  We did finally just agree to disagree and just don't really talk about it. She loves her grandkids and doesn't resent them in that sense, she just hates for me to be pregnant. I have no idea why.  But, I'm always going to want my big family and that is never going to change and she's always going to hate my being pregnant and that is never going to change so there is just no point arguing about it. 


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noonelikeme564
by Group Admin on May. 16, 2017 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this
That's awful! Only you know when you are done having children and for someone else to even think they have say so regarding what you and your husband desire is ridiculous! I definitely understand not wanting to be in her presence because of the negativity! I don't understand how some people can be so judgmental and completely blind of someone else's feelings. It just hurts me to see other people hurt because people are so unsympathetic! Sorry you are going through this.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Alexsi1
by Alexandra on May. 16, 2017 at 11:05 PM
I'm sorry you went through that. I don't understand people who think they have so much say so in another's life choices.
ashcf10
by Member on May. 17, 2017 at 3:04 AM
Dang. I certainly wouldn't have been letting my mil in on that much private information to begin with. I haven't had the easiest pregnancies and I wanted one more. I sort of mentioned it in passing one day around my mil and her words were "I can't afford another one" meaning that the ridiculous amount of money she spends on every holiday, especially Christmas would have to go up. We've asked her to not buy so much or maybe put it in a savings account for the kids if she needs to spend that but she refuses. Just little things that the kids already have or she ends up getting them 3 of the same thing because she forgets she buys it. I'm not joking when I say she probably spends over 1000 for each person. And she isnt what I would consider rich.
Anyway, after that comment I didn't mention trying to get pregnant and I'm 13 weeks now with our 3rd and final and we still haven't told her.
kajira
by Emma on May. 17, 2017 at 8:21 AM

Man, that sucks. My Mother in law and I've had our differences over the years, especially when it comes to my oldest son.... but she's a good one, most of the time.

I'm sorry she's putting you in the spot. This is a good example on how "not to be that mother in law" when your kids grow up. LOL

I would be devestated if I lost my uterus before I was done having kids. It's easy to say "Adopt" but omg, if I had to be in your shoes and make that choice, it would kill me. I had a little bit of a breakdown yesterday and told my husband, i'm not done. I don't just want "1" more, i want 3-4 more.... and he brought up his age, and we had this big talk about needing to be done in about 5 years..... which is why he agreed to IVF so we could freeze eggs, so we hopefully wouldn't struggle so hard in the future, trying to get pregnant later andit would work faster, hopefully.

I understand pain though, I have endo - not as bad as yours sounds, but it makes periods and break through bleeding and sometimes sex, painful. 

K3412
by on May. 17, 2017 at 8:23 AM
Why does your mother in law know so much of your personal, private information? We don't share anything like that with our family, including if we are trying, etc. It's none of their business and has probably saved us a lot of drama and stress.
DixonBabies
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2017 at 8:26 AM
She knew because literally every time I went to the doc she was off and was over. I never know when she's off work until she shows up. So she's over when im.getting the kids and I dressed to go out the door. One visit my doc was right up front while I was paying telling me about when to take pills and when to have sex lol he's old school doctor. Anyway she heard it and was mad that we were using meds to get pregnant.

I don't blame you for not telling her but congrats on your pregnancy 😍


Quoting ashcf10: Dang. I certainly wouldn't have been letting my mil in on that much private information to begin with. I haven't had the easiest pregnancies and I wanted one more. I sort of mentioned it in passing one day around my mil and her words were "I can't afford another one" meaning that the ridiculous amount of money she spends on every holiday, especially Christmas would have to go up. We've asked her to not buy so much or maybe put it in a savings account for the kids if she needs to spend that but she refuses. Just little things that the kids already have or she ends up getting them 3 of the same thing because she forgets she buys it. I'm not joking when I say she probably spends over 1000 for each person. And she isnt what I would consider rich.
Anyway, after that comment I didn't mention trying to get pregnant and I'm 13 weeks now with our 3rd and final and we still haven't told her.
DixonBabies
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2017 at 8:27 AM
Because she over heard my doctor.

Quoting K3412: Why does your mother in law know so much of your personal, private information? We don't share anything like that with our family, including if we are trying, etc. It's none of their business and has probably saved us a lot of drama and stress.
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