How do I convince my hubby not to have anymore kids!!! (Long, PIOG)
I am having a difficult situation. I have two daughters who are the light of my life, and my whole life two kids was all I ever wanted. My husband, on the other hand, wants one more baby because he wants us to try for a boy. He is the only boy in his family with three sisters, and his dad was also an only son, so without a boy his family name doesn't get passed on. I could care less about last names and this or that. We are LONG past the time when your last night made much of a difference. I know that's not everything, I know he wants a boy because most men want a son to do all the father-son things with, but honestly it's not that big of a deal to me. I have tried talking to him about all the cons of having another baby, even within the next 5 years. Let me tell my side, and then maybe everyone can give me some advice on what I can do.
Okay, first off, we live in an old, not in such good condition 3 bedroom trailer that belongs to his parents that we don't pay rent on. My oldest girl's room would hardly fit both my girls if we were to have another baby, and we don't want to keep a baby in the room with us because we like our privacy. Second, my husband has a decent job, but in the world we're living in today it would not support 3 kids and a wife. He has no way of moving up in the company, and already makes the most he can. I can't get a job because I cannot afford daycare in the area we live, and the daycare assistant isn't worth it. I wouldn't bring home enough to make it worth putting my kids in daycare. Anyway, so the money issue is pretty big. Next, I've been trying desperately to lose these last 28 lbs to get back to a place that I feel comfortable in with my body, and I could almost cry at the thought of gaining it back again. And, my most important reason for not wanting another baby is simply I know my personality, and I do NOT have the patience for three children. My girls are a HUGE handful, and adding a newborn to that mix would drive me completely bonkers! Some women, like my mom, can handle 3, 4, 5+ kids, but not me. Two is my limit. My husband doesn't deal with these girls all day, and the times I leave them with him for a few hours he's pulling his hair out (figuratively). He wants another baby, in my opinion, for selfish reasons. He wants it for his name if it's a boy, and just because he wants that many, but what about me? I have to carry it, I have to stay home and deal with it all, I have to do all that stuff, and I don't want to do it with three. I've put off college, I've put off getting myself healthy, I've put off alot to have and raise these girls for three years, and I want to do some stuff for me for a change. We can't get out of this rinky dink town, and out of this old trailer til I get a job, but I have to wait til my girls are both in school before doing that, and if we were to have another baby, that would put us back another 4-5 years and I'm tired of waiting. He gets upset and pissy if I bring up not wanting another one, and makes it seem like I'm the bad guy, but what can I do?? I know he's my husband, but I know that having another baby would be a bad decision, at least for me. I KNOW that I can't handle three kids. I had him convinced once, and was all set to do my tubal ligation when he changed his mind. What can I do!?!?! HELP!
Can you comvince him to compromise and you get a 10 year IUD (or some kind of long term birth control)? You don't have to have another child right now, you can wait 5 years (sounds like your others will be around 8 yrs old then) and then you can be through school and possibly looking for a new place to live so you can find better employment & housing.
I would say just tell him to wait.
I think for one you shouldn't call him selfish because your reason for Not wanting a baby are just as selfish....
Maybe you could do a different BC and agree to talk about it again in a few years after you have done some of the things you feel you need to do...and after the other kids are in school during the day.....
Quoting SheaHasMyHeart:
I am having a difficult situation. I have two daughters who are the light of my life, and my whole life two kids was all I ever wanted. My husband, on the other hand, wants one more baby because he wants us to try for a boy. He is the only boy in his family with three sisters, and his dad was also an only son, so without a boy his family name doesn't get passed on. I could care less about last names and this or that. We are LONG past the time when your last night made much of a difference. I know that's not everything, I know he wants a boy because most men want a son to do all the father-son things with, but honestly it's not that big of a deal to me. I have tried talking to him about all the cons of having another baby, even within the next 5 years. Let me tell my side, and then maybe everyone can give me some advice on what I can do.
Okay, first off, we live in an old, not in such good condition 3 bedroom trailer that belongs to his parents that we don't pay rent on. My oldest girl's room would hardly fit both my girls if we were to have another baby, and we don't want to keep a baby in the room with us because we like our privacy. Second, my husband has a decent job, but in the world we're living in today it would not support 3 kids and a wife. He has no way of moving up in the company, and already makes the most he can. I can't get a job because I cannot afford daycare in the area we live, and the daycare assistant isn't worth it. I wouldn't bring home enough to make it worth putting my kids in daycare. Anyway, so the money issue is pretty big. Next, I've been trying desperately to lose these last 28 lbs to get back to a place that I feel comfortable in with my body, and I could almost cry at the thought of gaining it back again. And, my most important reason for not wanting another baby is simply I know my personality, and I do NOT have the patience for three children. My girls are a HUGE handful, and adding a newborn to that mix would drive me completely bonkers! Some women, like my mom, can handle 3, 4, 5+ kids, but not me. Two is my limit. My husband doesn't deal with these girls all day, and the times I leave them with him for a few hours he's pulling his hair out (figuratively). He wants another baby, in my opinion, for selfish reasons. He wants it for his name if it's a boy, and just because he wants that many, but what about me? I have to carry it, I have to stay home and deal with it all, I have to do all that stuff, and I don't want to do it with three. I've put off college, I've put off getting myself healthy, I've put off alot to have and raise these girls for three years, and I want to do some stuff for me for a change. We can't get out of this rinky dink town, and out of this old trailer til I get a job, but I have to wait til my girls are both in school before doing that, and if we were to have another baby, that would put us back another 4-5 years and I'm tired of waiting. He gets upset and pissy if I bring up not wanting another one, and makes it seem like I'm the bad guy, but what can I do?? I know he's my husband, but I know that having another baby would be a bad decision, at least for me. I KNOW that I can't handle three kids. I had him convinced once, and was all set to do my tubal ligation when he changed his mind. What can I do!?!?! HELP!
See, the only problem with that is that I don't want to wait that long if we were to have anymore kids. I want to have all kids before 30, and I my youngest won't even be in school for 3 years. Two years wouldn't be enough time to work and get settled before having another, and then I'd have to stop working again.
Good luck to you sweetie. You have to talk to hi with a calm head on and show every side of everything. Good luck
Compromise? Yea you want to have all your kids before your 30 but why does it get to be all about you? I'm not trying to be mean but all I'm seeing here for the reasons why you shouldn't have another baby is mainly because of YOU. I'd say sit down and make a point to compromise.
Quoting BAMBAMmommy:Compromise? Yea you want to have all your kids before your 30 but why does it get to be all about you? I'm not trying to be mean but all I'm seeing here for the reasons why you shouldn't have another baby is mainly because of YOU. I'd say sit down and make a point to compromise.
Go to baby stores often and plan fun family things to show him how much fun it is to have a family and how great it would be to increase the size of your family with one more child. I'm sure over time he will change his mind again and want a baby. It may take time though. A lot of guys say they don't want another one yet because they are used to how life is right now and don't really like to adjust. I would just start having unprotected sex...
Not saying that you should do that but I would just try it...
Maybe you need to think about your unselfish reasons for not wanting more, and he should do the same. Also leave him at home ALL DAY one Saturday with the kids by himself and he is not allowed to call for help from his mom or anyone so he can see what you go through on a daily basis. My personal opinion would be to get the IUD or something and talk about it in a few years.
She doesn't want more kids......he does
Quoting penguinbabe44:
Go to baby stores often and plan fun family things to show him how much fun it is to have a family and how great it would be to increase the size of your family with one more child. I'm sure over time he will change his mind again and want a baby. It may take time though. A lot of guys say they don't want another one yet because they are used to how life is right now and don't really like to adjust. I would just start having unprotected sex...
Not saying that you should do that but I would just try it...
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- SheaHasMyHeart
on Mar. 15, 2010 at 4:38 PM