Ok I am going to try to make this a short as possible, but I want some input from other mommas.
We were at my Niece's 4th birthday party on Sunday. She was opening presents & I had my DS (2 years old) sitting on my lap. There was a apple/grape platter on the table with caramel to dip. My son dipped his apple slice in to the caramel and took a bite. He then saw his 1 year old cousin, who was sitting on my soon to be MIL's lap, double dip his apple, so my son wanted to. I stopped him before he put it in there and told him he can't double dip when other people are eating out of it. If he had his own plate that would be fine but he doesn't. I told him he can dip once and then he has to eat the whole apple slice before he could dip again with a new piece. He looked at me and said ok, and started to eat the rest of his apple. Well my MIL chimed in and said no Christian, go ahead, its fine, mikey is double dipping too(mind you Mikey had a runny nose). I said no, it is not fine. She tells him dip it again Christian, Grandma says its ok. I moved him to my other leg, so he couldn't reach the tray & said no, I told him he couldn't do it, he needs to learn how to eat properly when sharing food with others. So she shoves the tray across the table closer to my son and says Grandma says it is fine this time go ahead and dip it Christian. I told her no, he won't understand the difference and when it is and isn't ok if I let him do it this time. I said no! Now, I really wanted to just scream at her about it, but I held back because people were starting to stare & I didn't know everyone there & I didn't want to make a big scene while my niece was opening her presents. So my soon to be sister in law comes up and spoons some caramel out for him, which he really didn't need. He was eating the apples fine with out it and had enough sugar between the cake & ice cream. I knew if he had the caramel dip he was just going to dunk the apple suck of the caramel & re-dip & repeat with out eating the apple. Sure enough that is what he did. About 2 minutes later he got antsy and wanted to go play so I put him down and walked out of the room. My fiance wasn' in the house, so I went outside to talk to him and I blew up because I was so upset about what his mother did in front of everyone. Later that night my fiance called her and told her not to ever do that to me again & that he didn't appreciate how she under minded my parenting. He told her if I tell CJ something she is not to go against me. & he told her she needed to apologize to me. So she sent me a text message to apologize....real grown up!
What would you have done in the situation? Do you think my Soon to be MIL was out of line?
We have another birthday party this weekend for our other niece, Christian isn't going to be able to have any cake and ice cream though because he is on a low sugar diet due to a procedure that he has to get done on Tuesday. They recommend a low sugar diet for a full week before the procedure so that the sedation will work properly. I have a feeling she is going to start something again this weekend, and I told my Fiance I will not hold back. I am just going to let her have it. I feel that because I am his mother & what I say goes. He wasn't & isn't under her care so she doesn't get to make the decisions.
Do you think if she starts something with me again I should just let her have it or should I bite my tongue again?
Thanks in advance for your imput!
In my opinion she did over step. However it is good that she was not going to treat them unfairly meaning treat one better than the other. However, you are his mother and are trying to teach him manners so she had no right stepping on your toes. I honestly if in your situtation would not go to war with your MIL but I would be an adult and just let her know you disagree on a topic if there is any. I would not let her think she can scare you just because you are the DIL. This is just me though have been there
Thanks for your input. Yeah luckily he did stand up for me. His mother and I have never really gotten along but I have been lucky that he agrees with me on everything and has backed me up every time she does something stupid! They don't really have a great relationship, so he understands and isn't oblivious to the way she acts. I think if he was a mama's boy things would be totally different!!!!
Quoting munchkin1007:
I'd say she was out of line. My ex's family used to do that too, and it drove me up the wall! Lucky that your fiancee stood up for you; my ex didn't.
Thanks everyone. I really am trying to not cause a big blow out but I guess all week she has been complaining to his other siblings about me & how it was stupid that my Fiance told her she needed to apologize because she didn't do anything wrong. Even my Fiance's little brother who is only 16 told her she was completly wrong and she was beinig dumb about it all, but to her she was just being the Grandma! I know my mom would never have done anything like that, she would have let me teach my son that he can't double dip when people are sharing something, yet alone when his cousin was sick!
I just keep trying to the be the better person, because I know she already doesn't care for me, and I am stuck with her forever, but alot of things she has done over the past 6.5 years that my Fiance & I have been together just keep adding up and I am getting close to losing it!
i personally think she was out of line even though she may have just been tryint to help by finding a compromise. for this weekend you may want to go ahead and prepare yourself, but you can do it in a classy,'i'm not stupping to your level' way. when someone tries to give your child something sweet just tell them the truth, 'sorry. he's having a procedure this next week and they have requested that i keep him on a low sugar diet for the week to get the best results.' better yet, perhaps you should get your DF to call and inform his mother or maybe even call her yourself to avoid a scene, and once mre it can be done in a classy manner by saying you don't want to offend her in anyway and it could help to make her feel involved, which i have found works very well with my MIL. i have found when i have laid out for her what i am doing and why, she'll even back me up. it can be a bit of a hassle, but it's a price well paid for peace.
i think you handled it the correct way - next time if your mil does it again ask to speak to her outside - tell her you don't apprecate what she is doing she doen't have to agree w/you but you are the mom and she needs to respect that - if she says anything just tell her that you are sorry she feels that way -- its hard for her to say anything back to that
Breastfeeding--please help me!!!
- barnetts
on Mar. 19, 2010 at 7:56 AM