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i dont know whats goin on with me..

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:21 PM
  • 6 Replies

so long story short- my ex came over unexpectly. last time i really hung out with him, he tried to have sex with me, knowing we're both in a relationship. he overpowered me, and wouldnt let me off the couch (he's 280 lbs or more- played varsity football all 4 years in HS).

the thing is, i KNOW he's bad news... mainly b/c i have a feeling he still wants me (and we're still with the same people we was with the last time i seen him) and b/c that last time, i told my BF and we decided that it'd be better for him not to be around.

but the thing is, i am so freaking lonely! i might talk with my BF for 10 minutes a day, on the days i dont see him (which is kinda often)... but other than that, my only companion is a 4 year old! i dont talk with anyone else, and i NEED adult interaction.

i try doing playdates, but its not the same- i'm either way too scared to go, or too scared to talk with them... and i dont really want to work at getting to know people and trying to figure out if they can be a friend for me... i just want a friend i can call and talk to, for no reason ... my entire life, i've never had a friend, i dont even know how to make a friend, or how to hold a conversation!

i know i have to tell my BF about my latest hang out session with my ex... but i dont even know how to explain my lack of companionship.... on top of all that, my sex drive is completely gone and now everytime my BF touches me, i just feel like a piece of meat to him!

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:21 PM
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Replies (1-6):
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 3:35 PM

Depression can cause a lack of sexual desire. It might be worth talking to your doctor about?

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:58 PM

i'm already on anti-depressant pills. and i need to find a new doctor. my current one is a quack. i told him that i'm pooping what looks like a mix of blood and mucus and he says to "wait it a few weeks" to see if it doesnt go away on its own.. its been like that for 2 weeks before i even went to the doctors! gah! 

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:03 PM

yea you really do need a new doctor thatz just plain crazy.. but i understand how you feel on the friend thing.. my husband and i moved away from all the people i knew and now i'm just kinda at the apartment 24/7 itz way hard to make friendz!!

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:10 PM
I have a few inquiries. First off, why do you not see your BF often? I would wonder why you would rather be with the ex, than the BF, maybe there's more there. I also worry about your need to have a male companion, and it sounds like a male sexual companion over a female companion or friend. I have hard time dealing with girls, not because I can't converse, just cause well, girls are girls! I hope that you get this all worked out.
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 7:18 PM
Yeah why don't you and your bf talk often or see each other? Maybe if yaw did then the loneliness will go away
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by on Jul. 26, 2010 at 5:15 AM

 First off, you need to stop letting your ex come around. If you KNOW he is bad news... why are letting your desire for conversation cloud your judgement?

Secondly, I have waves of depression. With that comes the lack of desire for sex... I let my SO know when im in those funks right away. Then he knows not to bother me for sex. I dont want to resent him for simply wanting to be with me when i am in a funk.

And lastly, you need to just start talking to people. Clearly you need a friend. You have a fear of talking to people AND a strong desire for a friend.... you can't have both. Go to the park... start chit chatting with other parents. It's really simple. If you can make friends on Cafemom, you can do it in real life. Try signing your child up for a class that you can be involved in and try meeting other moms there.

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