Why can't I get over her!!! (VENT)*EDIT-green*Edit 2-red*

[KylersMom8-16-7]

My boyfriend and me have been together 5 years. We have broken up 3 times, the first two times(once before I got pregnant with my 3 year old and once when our son was 5 months) he dated this girl, I'll call her H. H was his rebound. He didn't love her, he dated her because she asked him out. The first time they dated he was sleeping with me the whole time and only kissed her once. The second time he had sex with her once. Since I found out he had slept with her I have had major issues trusting him around her. I know he would never cheat on me(yes he cheated on her with me but that was because he actually loved me.) Regardless of how I feel he says that is still his friend.

She will call or text him occasionally and it brings up all those feelings. H texted with my boyfriend back and forth yesterday. He went and took a shower today and he left his phone on the couch. I couldn't resist and I looked trough his messages. I know he has hung out with her not too long ago but I don't know when. He works a lot and spends most his time off at home with me and our sons. In his messages he talked about hanging out with H again with another friend and having H over to our apartment. I don't want her in our house, my house, especially if I am gone.

I am going to talk to him, tell him I looked through his phone and get answer but I am so frustrated! This bitch has had a SERIOUS negative toll on our relationship and I just wish she'd go away!!!! My boyfriend doesn't need to be friends with his ex. I would not be friends with my ex especially if he had a problem but he doesn't seem to care how I feel

It's been years since he dated her but I can't get over it. I'll go months without hearing a word about her but the second her names come up I get sad and I get pissed. I just wish he'd let the past be the past, he has other friends, better friends... Why continually open old wounds... I don't think he really understands how much it bugs me no matter how much I try to explain.  Why are men so clueless?!?!

I'm done now...

*edit*

The girl has a boyfriend. Her and my boyfriend have not hung out in months, when they did they were in a group. I am 100% sure he is NOT cheating. We have worked very hard to get to the point we are, a full time family. I know he would absolutely never cheat on me after 5 years we finally know exactly what we want. Yes it is VERY wrong that he disregards my feelings on this issue. If I would have talked to him about my concerns the when he was texting her he would have told me what he was talking about but I was just mad she was contacting him so I didn't because I knew I would start a unnecessary argument. I told him I looked through his phone and we talked about it. I am not afraid he is cheating I just hate to think he is lying to me but he didn't lie, I just didn't ask. He would talk to me if she was going to come over and I made it clear I would be in the house if she did come over.

*EDIT 2*

I am not leaving after 5 years and finally being a happy family. He respects my opinions on everything. His thinking is she is over it, he is over it, why can't I be. I should be over it! It was over 2 1/2 years ago. I am a very jealous person and I don't want him to have ANY female friends, its not going to happen. They are just friends NOTHING more. He get all he wants and needs at home. He would never cheat on me, he knows if he did and I found out I make his life hell! Besides he would not betray my trust by messing around when he is 100% satisfied in our relationship; emotionally and physically. This is the one smudge on our perfect life together. Its my jealous that causes the arguments. It my pure hatred for her that causes issues. I should get over it was so long ago, she has her own life and his has his, but I don't think I ever will. She only contacts him on a rare occasion and they both are too busy to hang out. I just want to make sure that my issues are clear and at least recognized even if we don't see eye to eye(which is hard because I'm 5ft 5 and he is 6ft 8 LOL.)

He has grown up so much. He cares for me and our kids. He works so hard to keep a roof over our head and food on our table. He tells me constantly how much he loves me, our kids, our life and I feel the same!!!!

[complextrina]

i would kick HIS ass to the curb. i was in a situation like this a few years ago and let me tell you it just gave him license to keep doing it whether or not you guys are "together" he is and will KEEP talking to her. I personally learned that you cant solely be mad at the female cause your man is the one STILL chillin with her! i hate to be so blunt but i hate to see people struggle in heartache anyway like i did, and yes, its almost the same thing. youre his solid and shes the chillin f-around girl. she also obviously knows about you...which makes her even more of a cunt. i would let his ass go and she what happens next. if he really wants to be with you, the garbage will go where it belongs.

[minimom424]

That sooooooooo unbelievable wrong of him to still be friends with her. It's disrespectful of your feelings, as well. There's no justifiable reason for him to defend his friendship with her. I really and truly hope he comes to his senses about this whole thing. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds aweful. =(

[Snoop420]

Well him cheating on her is not irreguardless because it's a moral thing. Cheating is wrong & he was with her & cheated with you. He will cheat on you too. Really just think about it. You found out from prying through his phone he wanted to hang out with this girl not because he came to you which means that he was hiding it & if his intentions are good why would he hide it. Your bf is conning the fuck out of you both.

[NearSeattleMom]

[IheartArianna07]

 While my BD and I are not officially back together, all the extra hoes had to GO! He does not talk to any female that has been disrespectful of our relationship. He knows I dont trust him and he is working on getting that back. But I'll be damned if he is friends with any ex, except the one he has a kid with

[Ger1992]

i know how you feel my fiances ex calls him all the time and we even told her hey were engaged we have a family leave us alone

but hes to nice of a person to just say F**K off but me on the other hand id gladly tell her! he wants nothing to do wiht her but shell message him on facebook and call him and text him...

shell ask how im doing and how the babys doing then she will start crying and boo whooing saying stuff like i miss you i want you back what does she have that i dont and since they dated for 4 years and me and him have only been together a year its hard to tell her that he is over her!

 

[Angelicembrace]

Leave his sorry ass.

[ProudMommy51006]

I'm sorry to say, but I know of two different situations where the man said I will be friends with regardless of how you feel and in both situations the man cheated with the girl whom he was referring to. The fact that he says this is a red flag and means that he doesn't respect you, your feelings or your relationship. And yes, the fact that he is hiding... also a red flag. I know it is so very hard to leave but I would seriously consider it. He is playing both of you. Yes, she is a bitch, but he is also very HUGELY to blame. If you guys decide to try to work it out, I would suggest making him stop being friends with her, changing his number so she cannot contact him and then monitor his text/calls... this way you know if they become in contaact again that its him and we won't stop. Good luck and I'm very sorry you are going through this!

[IheartArianna07]

 I also wanted to mention that it really bothers me that during your story you stopped several times to offer his excuse and to "reassure" us that he loves you. Almsot like you are reassuring yourself. There is NOT an excuse for not caring how your SO feels. Ther is NO excuse for him being friends and secretly hanging out with her behind your back and having her in your house is a BIG NO NO!!

[HouseMommy101]

ooo girl, let me tell u how i react about this situation witch I do go through.

 

I am a VERY jealous person, not guilty jsut jealous because ALL of my past relationships i've been cheated on so I get scared, I dont want it to happen again, I go throught Damions phone ALL the time, I deffantly do if he's late & wotn answer his phone..

But if I happen to look through it while he is sleepign or something, I know somethign he doesnt know I know, so I will go about it in a question to see if he will lie to me about it...

Example

"So, whos so & so,"

or

So have you talked to ..Jessie reccently?! & if he does lie I get really mad & extreamly hurt that he feels he has to lie so i tell him i know, he feels bad if I cry about it, & then if I start to cry or at least pretend to cry (in my voice) he will listen to me & I jsut spill how I feel & tell him you needa worrie about our relationship & not about stupid skanky whore, because if you dont make me feel liek you care abotu how I feel about her, then you will lose me & you can have her, so you pick me or her, is she that importaint!!?!?

althought I dont mean what I say about him losing me, He will leave so & so alone. I can go on & on if you want to add me go right ahead il tell you how i go about everythign no matter how he reacts & how it works.

& im sorry this happened to you & sorry i wrote u a book LMAO