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Need some advice about adoption

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:05 PM
  • 28 Replies

When I was in middle and high school, I was best friends with this wonderful girl. We were really close, and a lot alike. We got along, and did everything together.  When we graduated, we lost contact a little and grew apart, like people do. We talked on the phone occasionally for a year, but we haven't seen each other since I got married, and we haven't talked in almost a year.  It hurt, but the little I'd talked to her let me know that she had changed, and not for the better.  Then, out of the blue, she called me last night.  She said she was in town and wanted to come over. I said sure. When she came over, the first thing I noticed was that she is pregnant.  She told me she is in 12 days.  I congratulated her, the usual.  We chatted for about nothing important for about half an hour, and then she says, "Holly, I need your help."  I said sure.  And then she told me that she wants me to adopt her baby.  I was floored. I  had no idea to react.  She seemed happy about the pregnancy, and had given me no indication that something was wrong.  After I found my voice, I asked her why. She said she didn't want the baby, but had been talked out of an abortion by her mother.  She said she would either give me the baby, or drop it off at the hospital when she delivered.  She also told me that she is struggling with drugs and alcohol addictions. She has scars on her wrists from cutting.  After she stopped pretending to be fine, it was obvious that she was nothing like the girl I used to know.  She left at 2 in the morning, we talked that long.I told her my husband and I would discuss adopting the baby.

I haven't brought it up yet with my husband. I have no idea what to do.  I'm devestated that my best friend has turned into this damaged, broken woman.  I'm glad that she is aware of her problems, but still. I don't know how she turned from a happy, good girl to a druggie and drunk. 

About the baby.  I have no idea what to do. I have kids, and I'm pregnant. But can I turn her down? I'm not sure what she will do if I don't give her an out.  She didn't seem happy about leaving her baby at the hospital. She wants a good home, but she refuses to try to make on herself. Maybe she will change her mind when the baby is born, but maybe not.  Since she is doing drugs, there is a good chance that the baby will have problems. She is black, already a strike against the baby.  Really thinking about having another baby, even though I'm pregnant, makes me happy.  We can afford another child, and if I should need it, extra help.  We have the room.  I will of course talk to my husband first. I'm not sure what he will say.

Have any of you adopted a child? Do you know what that entails?  My friend isn't going through an agency, but she already knows a lawyer that will help her.  So what does adopting a baby entail?  Do you think I'm crazy for wanting to adopt a baby?

Thanks.  And please, I can't think of any reason for bashing, but I'm sure someone will, so please, no bashing. Thank you

by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
citymomch
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:12 PM

Nobody?

MajorsMommy
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:13 PM
I would..it seems like maybe its meant to be. Good luck..
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graciepaige
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:13 PM
Im no help. So heres a bump
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jessnjosh87
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:13 PM

I was adopted, and I'm ok. If you think you can manage, then do it. If not, tell her you will take care of the baby until you can find someone else to adopt it. There are HUNDREDS of families out there DYING for a baby. Help them out.

nikkip1
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:15 PM
Bump
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citymomch
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:16 PM


Quoting MajorsMommy:

I would..it seems like maybe its meant to be. Good luck..

That is what I was thinking.  I believe in fate. And for her to show up, after not seeing her for 3 years, and not talking to her for a year, then she shows up and is ready to give her baby up?  Thanks. I thought maybe I was just being crazy.

MzHuycke
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:17 PM

You say you have the room, the money, and you obviously have the open heart to adopt this child. I would pray about it, if you are a praying person, and see what you hear. If I were in your position, and really 100% able to do this, I would in a heartbeat, but I also know my husband would be 1,000% behind me. The only issue I can see is if your friend comes back around and decides she wants to change and be a parent. It would be very hard to deal with.

teenmomoftwins4
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:21 PM
Bump
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citymomch
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:22 PM


Quoting MzHuycke:

You say you have the room, the money, and you obviously have the open heart to adopt this child. I would pray about it, if you are a praying person, and see what you hear. If I were in your position, and really 100% able to do this, I would in a heartbeat, but I also know my husband would be 1,000% behind me. The only issue I can see is if your friend comes back around and decides she wants to change and be a parent. It would be very hard to deal with.

I'm praying.  I know that she might always change her mind, but I honestly do not think she will. I'm pretty sure she was sober last night, and she was sure that she did not want to be a mother.

MajorsMommy
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:28 PM
Don't do it without papers and talk with her about limits..and everything else..I'm praying for you as well. I hope you can help this child :)
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