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Birth Certificate, Messy Situation (LOONG)

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:18 PM
  • 14 Replies

I've been really struggling with how to fill out my baby's birth certificate when he/she gets here. I'm about to roll into Week 13 and I left my baby's father around my 9 Week mark. I've seen some nasty things he's publically posted about me and it just goes to show how immature he really is. He also has a lot of problems with constant smoking of marijuana (even before he goes to work, he'll smoke at least three times a day if he can), he's an alcoholic (often in the hospital for hurting himself or in trouble with the police for trying to hurt himself or someone else around him), and has a daughter that he has rights to but never sees or helps with (he'll cheat the system however he can to not pay child support). We weren't together very long when I got pregnant and I hadn't met most of his family and even when I did meet them I still didn't know a lot of their history. I knew he had experienced problems with alcohol in the past but while we were together he stopped drinking because I wouldn't allow it in the house and he even quit smoking (including cigarettes) when we found out I was pregnant. As soon as I left him things got bad again and I know that I don't feel comfortable having my baby around him when he/she is born. He can't take care of himself how can he be trusted with a child? And i don't want my child to breathe in cigarette smoke or be around the nasty habits and lifestyles of his family. Should I just not put him on the birth certificate or should I list him and go to court for custody? What's the best and safest life decision that I can make for my baby?

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SaraZoey
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:26 PM
You don't have to put him on the birth certificate. If he's not in his other child's life I would just let things go and not even contact him,
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ufollakaitlin
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:28 PM

My biggerst fear with my pregnancy is that if I don't list him he will get a paternity test to prove the child is his and then take me to court and screw me over. He does know it's his baby, I lost my V to him and I've only ever been with him and he know the timeframe of my duedate.

Quoting SaraZoey:

You don't have to put him on the birth certificate. If he's not in his other child's life I would just let things go and not even contact him,


jcelis
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:30 PM

I would say if you already know you wouldn't trust him with the baby just save yourself some time and leave him off of the birth certificate. He's already not paying child support for his first kid so he most likely won't pay it to your kid either. At least if you leave him off the birth certificate he'd have to order a paternity test first, which can be pretty expensive. Since you mentioned that he doesn't even see his first kid, I doubt he'll want to put in the money and effort it will take to see the second kid. Sorry if any of that sounded harsh or offensive, I'm still a little groggy this morning.

skileybug
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:33 PM

Dont list him. If he does try to get a paternity test to prove its his then you need to prove that he is an unfit father and try to get full custody. All you have to do is tell them he is on drugs bad they can drug test him... and what not. BUT if he doesnt give a crap about the other child what makes you think he would care about yours ( not trying to be a bitch)?? Seems like he has a lot of growing up to do

SaraZoey
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:34 PM
I agree and he will have to pay for the paternity test.

Quoting skileybug:

Dont list him. If he does try to get a paternity test to prove its his then you need to prove that he is an unfit father and try to get full custody. All you have to do is tell them he is on drugs bad they can drug test him... and what not. BUT if he doesnt give a crap about the other child what makes you think he would care about yours ( not trying to be a bitch)?? Seems like he has a lot of growing up to do

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ufollakaitlin
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:34 PM

You sound just like my friends actually! I don't need his child support money, I have very supportive parents and I've been searching for a job like a crazy person since I lost my last one! LOL From some of the posts I've seen about me from him he does have the intentions of going for his rights with this baby (I think it's partially just to stress me out and upset me). Whether he has to borrow or steal or do whatever he has to in order to come up with money for this. I just want my baby to have a safe and good life.

Quoting jcelis:

I would say if you already know you wouldn't trust him with the baby just save yourself some time and leave him off of the birth certificate. He's already not paying child support for his first kid so he most likely won't pay it to your kid either. At least if you leave him off the birth certificate he'd have to order a paternity test first, which can be pretty expensive. Since you mentioned that he doesn't even see his first kid, I doubt he'll want to put in the money and effort it will take to see the second kid. Sorry if any of that sounded harsh or offensive, I'm still a little groggy this morning.


MeganElizabethH
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:35 PM

You should get a legal consultation about getting him to give up his parental rights. That means he won't have to pay support, but it also means he gives up any and all claims he can make on the baby. He would probably agree by the sounds of it. Tht way you can list him on the birthcertificate and not have to worry. And you can look into getting full custody papers in order while you're pregnant so you don't run into further complications.

calleigh0709
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:35 PM

He can't exactly screw you over. If he wasn't there it's his fault. It's not like he can take your baby from you. The only way a baby is taken from their mother is if he proves you are unfit. Unless you are beating your child, refusing to feed them or you are addicted to drugs or alcohol then there is nothing he can do to hurt you. Plus by his history with his previous child there is no way a judge is going to rule in his favor. Stop stressing and enjoy being pregnant and looking forward to your baby getting here. And don't put him on the birth certificate he doesn't deserve something so special.

ufollakaitlin
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:36 PM

Part of me hopes he won't care about this baby by the time he/she comes. That sounds so awful because a mother should want both parents around for their child but I think the best thing is for him to not care or be around.

t.alvarado
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:53 PM
I'm going through something similar. However, it's both our first child, and he's actually trying to be involved and a good father. And I'm debating on whether or not to put him on the birth certificate, only because of custody, nothing else! I'm sorry you're going through this!

My advice? Don't put him down. He's not going to get anything, and the court will NOT take a newborn/baby away from their mother just because the father wants custody. I don't think he'll try to be there anyway. And he'd only screw himself over if he took you to court because of his history with his first. Don't stress yourself out, call your local DHS or court house to get advice and guidance, that's the best thing you can do!
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