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Am I doing the right thing?

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:54 PM
  • 18 Replies

My son is just over 3 months old and his father has only seen him twice which were both when he wasn't even a week old. I call him a SD because he left me while I was pregnant and started dating someone else. I hadn't seen him for the majority of my pregnancy and the last 3 months I didn't see or talk to him once. He acknowledged my son was his the first few months of my pregnancy until he got a girl friend and since then my son is all of a sudden not his. He denied my son even when my son was in the hospital for the first month of his life, the SD visited him twice for about an hour total then blew it off. He also has said/done awful things to me both while I was pregnant and after I had my son. Anyways... I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by keeping my son from the SD. He was never physically abusive, only a real big jerk. He texted me a couple weeks ago and asked if we were gonna work things out or let the courts decide our fate. I have no pr oblem letting him in but I feel he needs to prove he wants to be involved I just don't know how to go about this. Any suggestions?

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy2dallas602
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:00 PM
I agree with you. If he hasnt shown much interest in your son he needs to prove he wants to be involved and prove he is going to be there for him. If he wants to be a dad when he "feels like it" its only gonna hurt your son
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alleycat_2
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:03 PM
Maybe give him one chance to prove himself. If he does step up then let him in your sons life if not then maybe court is the only solution.
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remaining_me
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:06 PM

Yes I wiould be the same way. I would allow him to see him this once and if he goes a long time again without contact or tries anything again in regards to denying your son, I'd try and make that official and get full custody. Eventually it would become unfair and harmful to your child. Did he sign the birth certificate? (if you dont mind me asking)

remaining_me
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:07 PM

Oh and I should add that even if he does want to be present and proves that, I'd still see about child support and an actual custody arrangement.

MamaC522
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:15 PM

I said from the beginning that a baby isn't for convenience and that if he didn't want to be involved 100% then not to bother because I would rather my son have no memory of him then to have bad ones. We are going to court to establish paternity and child support already. I told him he was more than welcome to be involved and I tried my best to include him and he wanted no part in it. He even blew off seing my son in the hospital and had a party instead, he lives under 10 min from the hospital! 

MamaC522
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:18 PM

he didn't sign the birth certificate. he said he didn't want to know when I went into labor and delivered and then it changed to the baby wasn't his. he specifically said not to put him on the certificate. in MA I automatically have sole legal and physical custody, he can only petition for visitation eventually.

Mrs.KS
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:21 PM

I agree about giving him one chance to prove himself... but I don't exactly think you should let him take little man for the weekend or anything. Offer for him to meet up with you a couple times a week to visit your son, explain your reasoning and concern for you child. If he is serious about being involved tell him he has to play by your rules... then when you are comfortable establish more time for your son to be with his dad. 

momoftwins_2
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:26 PM
I have no idea!
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cmc638
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 11:28 AM

you're doing the right thing

Bonita.mami
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 11:38 AM

If he will decide to get involved, dont deny him. Like other moms said go for a custody arrangement, and child support. If he decides to be a good father, and step up. Dont get in the way of that.

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