Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

*Can anyone help me?!?*

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:28 PM
  • 16 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'm about 12 weeks pregnant and I found out the day after my missed period.  My boyfriend has been driving me absolutely crazy since I got pregnant, I'm 19 and he's 21.  He drinks more, isn't trying to get a job, has been making empty promises and has even told me that he gets wasted in spite of me.  He acts like I've been the meanest person in the world since I got pregnant, I am aware of my hormones and I try to keep them in line but I don't think I am in any way responsible for the way he acts. Is it wrong to think maybe we'd be better off not together, even though we're having a child together? I need help.sad

-Heather.

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:28 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
poeticrose09
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:47 PM
1 mom liked this

no thats not a bad idea you have to think of u and the baby first and if he isnt gunna be supportive and willign to take up the responsibily of what happened then you shouldnt be wasting your time with him i know thats hard to hear and do believe me i do but in the end you and your baby will be better off with out someone that causes that much drama 

court.0125
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this
Sometimes it's better for a baby to have only one parent or two parents living separate. It's never better for parents to stay together JUST for the baby. It's usually an unhealthy, toxic relationship and environment.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
firsttime2730
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:17 PM
2 moms liked this

You have to remember that its not whats best for you two, but whats best for the baby. Im 18, and 36 weeks pregnant, but i WAS in your shoes in the beginning. i was supporting him, supporting him financially and i put a roof over his head, when i got pregnant was when i realized he was a dead beat, a loser, and really really lazy. he said he wasnt going to get a job or stop smoking weed so thats when i told him he had to leave. 

MommyRach73
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:12 PM
Totally agree.


Quoting court.0125:

Sometimes it's better for a baby to have only one parent or two parents living separate. It's never better for parents to stay together JUST for the baby. It's usually an unhealthy, toxic relationship and environment.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
.Angelica.
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:54 PM

not wrong at all. Maybe you leaving will make him realize what he's doing.

heather4511
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
It doesn't sound too healthy to stay with him. I've been down that road. Tried to make it work. Took years of therapy to make me feel better and its still hard. If he is acting that way it may best for the baby not to be together. They can feel that tension
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
angelica11
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:18 PM
2 moms liked this

you should never stay with someone just because you have a baby. the baby will be happy; he/she has a mom and a dad. you need to think about your happiness more that anything.

gabrielat
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:00 AM

My son's dad is an addict and a gang member. We had a pretty good relationship and we both loved each other a lot but his life was way different than what I was doing in my life (I was going to school and working, still am, and I never touched a drug in my life.) We had a lot of arguments due to his addiction and the crap he did to get his money and him getting arrested blah blah blah. After being with enough assholes I could tell he was a genuinely good guy even though he did stupid shit. The hardest decision I've ever made was ending it with him to make sure my son had a better life than I did (I broke up with him 2 days before I found out I was pregnant.) For my son it was the best decision I could've made. It's beyond hard for me to not go to his house and finally take him back, but my son's happiness and safety is way more important than how much I miss him and the fact that I still love him.

 Honestly him making those decisions is stupid. He sounds immature and he's too scared to see that he's fucking up so he turns and blames you. That's selfish and immature. Based on my son's dad being an addict, if he's thinking you're completely responsible for the crap he's doing, then he's not going to change any time soon unless HE wants to. I could've spent a life time trying to help and change my son's dad, but in the end, he has to want to change. I couldn't do it for him. 

And it's not in any way wrong to think you guys might have to end it, even if you're having a kid. My mom only had kids to keep the men in her life but they left her because she's a crazy bitch. I'm not saying you're a crazy bitch, I'm just saying kids don't save relationships. Most of the times they make them harder. I think the best thing my dad could've ever done for me was leaving my mom and taking custody of me. I'm grateful for it everyday. If my mom got any sort of custody of me, or even if they stayed together, I'd have a lot more issues and more shit in my life to deal with. I'd say on the experiences with a psycho mom and an addict ex, you should leave him until he can prove to you he's doing better in his life. You have to do what's best for you child, even if that decision is the hardest decision to make. Like I said, I miss my son's dad everyday and I still really love him, but I have to stay away from him to make my son's life a hell of a lot better than if he was in the picture. Try listening to your rational side rather than your emotional side. Stand your ground and tell him he has to step up, or he won't have any rights and you guys can't be together until he changes. 

Good luck hun, just remember to do what's best for your child. Your mother instinct will kick in soon enough and you'll know what the right thing to do is. Whether it's what I said or something different. Only YOU will know. If you ever need to talk about this, you can message me. I've gone through it with my son's dad, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to help you. Good luck again, and congrats on your little bump =)

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 


Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Shy_Dia
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this

to me, that jus shows how much control one person has over him-- a supposed grown man. smh.

you are NOT responsible for the way he acts. HE is responsible for his actions and his RE-actions to your actions... sure, you can drive him crazy- send him to teh store to get the last bar of snickers at 2am, then cry when he gets home b/c you wanted the snicker ICE CREAM- adn send him back out.. but how he REACTS to that, is on him. he can either go back out, or leave and get drunk, or throw a punch to teh wall. thats not YOUR fault. its HIS actions that needs to be on HIS shoulders, HIS responsibility.... the fact that he's trying to get you to shoulder the blame? thats childish. my 6 year old doesnt even do that anymore.

i was 5 months pregnant when i left my son's dad.. never got back together with him. granted, he's had no real part of DS's life... but thats HIS actions, HIS problem. not mine.

Quoting hyoung_92:

I'm about 12 weeks pregnant and I found out the day after my missed period.  My boyfriend has been driving me absolutely crazy since I got pregnant, I'm 19 and he's 21.  He drinks more, isn't trying to get a job, has been making empty promises and has even told me that he gets wasted in spite of me He acts like I've been the meanest person in the world since I got pregnant, I am aware of my hormones and I try to keep them in line but I don't think I am in any way responsible for the way he acts. Is it wrong to think maybe we'd be better off not together, even though we're having a child together? I need help.sad

-Heather.


Janiri0610
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this

not at all. he is just trying to cope with everything even if it is the wrong way to handle the situation. not to sound sexiest but think about it this way. Men are kinda like babies so with the new one on the way he wont be the only "baby". If you feel that he in someway is not wanting a child at all you NEED to talk to him. having a child is a huge responsibility and should not be taken lightly and if he feels any kinda way that will affect you so he must speak up so you dont end up with the short end of the stick.   from experience always have a back up plan! you cant always count on others to get things done or be there for you. Just make sure he doesnt become violent or try to talk you into something stupid ok.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)