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had a debate with my dh! *piog

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:46 AM
  • 10 Replies
#1. We just moved to Irving texas. And since we've been here(today is the second sunday) I havent went to church because I havent visited any churches over here by our apartment. So I told dh last night the kids and I were going to visit a church today and he got a lil irritated and said thats not the way youre suppose to do things. You dont just visit every church until you find the right one. And that it was silly that I felt like I needed to be in a church to praise god. Now how else do/did you find your church? We have no friends or family here.

#2. Our kids wake up at 7am here and he wants to make them go back and lay in there beds until he wakes up. But I dont feel like they should have too. Because I am always already awoke just still lying in bed with him. So I just get up, feed them, go to the bathroom, put on outside clothes, take the dogs outside, and then come back in to take a shower and wash the kids after I load the dishwasher. But he said I undermised(sp) him in front of our kids. Cause I said "its ok bay im up." When he tried to tell dd1(3.5 yrs old) to go lay back in her bed. But she was sick yesterday so when I heard her say she was hungry I jumped up lol. But do you think I did undermise him in front of her? Cause if i did I need to apologize because I was wrong.
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by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
1.hot.mama2005
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 3:53 PM

I do understand how you feel. My DH tries to do that too. He thinks they should stay in the bedroom until we get up. Sometimes they sleep in and that works, other days, not so much.
I also understand how he feels. You in a way did undermined his authority. He told them something and you (right in front of him) basically told them that what Daddy said doesn't matter. Kinda like, well we don't have to do listen to Daddy, cause Mommy will let us anyway. Do you get what I am saying?

a5hl3yC
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:24 PM

I completely disagree. Had you directly said not to listen to Daddy I would understand. But to me that seems a littler much. Your DD is young and wasn't feeling well so you being willing to get up and grab her something to eat was exactly what I would have done.

The first paragraph says a lot where you would like to take the kids to church and he finds that "silly." The only way you will know if you and the kids are comfortable at the church is by attending and seeing how you mix with the people and the way it's presented to you.

He's sounds stressed from the move as well. I wouldn't take it to personal. If you were to apologize I would say something along the lines of "sorry hunny, I wasn't trying to go against you, I was just excited she was finally up for eating so I wanted her to get some food in her before the feeling went away."

The only thing I disagree with is by you saying it was ok to stay up it probably would have been best to wait to walk the dogs until he was awake as well and ready to take care of the kids. Unless of course they went with you.

Acid
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 7:33 AM
2 moms liked this

This is why people need to do their research before getting married.

He sounds controlling and you need to watch this to make sure it doens't get worse.

I am willing to bet that if the children got into something while they were awake waiting for someone to be an involved parent; he'd be angry about that.

Also, ask him if he knows what the word undermine means.  I'm willing to bet it's a new, big word he thought he'd use to make himself sound important.

mandylin3
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 8:33 AM

About the church issue, I would do exactly what you described, and who knows, maybe you will love the first one you go to.  Maybe not.  I definitely wouldn't feel pressured to go to the first one you try, though.

As for the issue concerning your husband telling your kids to go back to bed when you are up.  I have done that, too.  He may feel like you are trying to undermine him by getting up but I see no need in making the children go back to bed at 7 a.m.  Maybe if it was like 5 or 6 and maybe not even then if you are up.  When my kids tell me they are hungry I jump up, too.  I don't want my kids to feel hungry and me not feed them.  Also, if he makes your kids go back to bed until he gets up, they are probably only going to get into things anyway because if they are anything like my kids, when they are up, they are up for the day.  Good luck.

BeachMama05
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 9:00 AM

I think looking a round for a church is a great idea :)

and he sounds controlling saying you underminded him! YOUR kids were hungry and you tended to their needs! DONT appologize to him for being a good parent!! :)

shis_mama
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 10:34 AM
I always get up with the kids. My husband tells me all the time that I undermined him in front of the kids. I tend to ignore him, they are more my kids then his because I'm the one that does everything for them. I say do what you feel is right, he will live
zebbyzebby06
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 10:39 AM
You have to look at churchs to make sure you like them and stuff, you cant just become a member decidevyou really dont like it and go become a member somewhere eslse later and keep changing.
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baby2zacharias
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 11:05 AM
Undermined him. Just so u know.

But I think what you did was awesome letting him sleep late. He doesn't rule the world if the kids are up their up. How long should a 3 yo be expected to lay down?

Talk to him. He's being ridiculous
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heather4511
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 11:20 AM
This. But if you are already awake..he shouldn't care if you get up and get things going. In our house dd has to stay in her room until we get up, because I am not awake at 7 am.

Quoting 1.hot.mama2005:

I do understand how you feel. My DH tries to do that too. He thinks they should stay in the bedroom until we get up. Sometimes they sleep in and that works, other days, not so much.
I also understand how he feels. You in a way did undermined his authority. He told them something and you (right in front of him) basically told them that what Daddy said doesn't matter. Kinda like, well we don't have to do listen to Daddy, cause Mommy will let us anyway. Do you get what I am saying?

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sarah7181
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Eh, I think he's overeacting. Unless this is something y'all have been working on with the kids. Our older 2 (4 and 5) know they have to stay in their room until we get up. But dh often gets up early with them to let me sleep because I'm very pregnant and don't sleep well. However, dh does like to get some nooky on weekend mornings. And I can totally see him playing that card when what he was really upset about was loosing that time with me. ;) so check that angle. But I don't think, either way, its a big deal. If dh is up, he hates just laying there. He's a morning person, and I'm not.. I don't expectf him to do that. Lol
As for the church thing, that's how you find a church. I'm willing to bet he just doesn't want to go. We've been meaning to find a church too. But haven't yet. But to fill that slot, we read to the kids from childrens bibles and discuss them as a family and talk about examples of how they relate to their daily lives. They loooove this! In fact, most often, they pick biblical movies over disney ones and ask a million questions. I love that it isn't something we've shoved down their throats, like my mom did, but something they come to us about. Just last night we had the best discussionm about trying to live how jesus wants us to be and the power of forgivness. And dd who's 5 tells me that she wants to work on her attitude because she thinks jesus isn't happy about it. Made my heart happy because I hadn't even brought that up! So I talked about how we all have things we work on to be more like jesus wants. Mommy is working on not getting to frustrated and cranky because everybody needs me so much and I get tired. And that daddy works very hard on his patience. She told me this morning how much she enjoyed our talk last night. And I love that she sees that even mommy and daddy aren't perfect, but that we try the best we can. Idk, part of me thinks they get more out of these family times than they would Sunday school, but I also think both would be best. My soapbox! Sorry!
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