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Does your BF/DF/DH/SO have other kids? Does it bother you?

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My boyfriend has kids. To be completely honest, he has 3 other kids. BEFORE you judge, I want to tell you a background story.

When he was younger, he was hit in the balls SO hard he bled and had to go to the hospital. They thought he would have trouble having kids. So him & his GF of 5 years never used condoms. They broke up, she ended up pregnant. She kept the baby so he would "have no choice" but to get back with her. She even told me this herself when she was pregnant. They were still broken up. They had a daughter, named Aubrey & we still see Aubrey whenever his EX isn't on a power trip and keeps her from us.

He got into a relationship with another girl who "missed" her birthcontrol when she was never actually on it. He should've wore a condom too, and regrets it because the pull out method doesnt work. This girl doesn't "believe in abortions" so she kept it. He had another daughter named Callie, and helped raised her from the start. He was an AMAZING father to her, and everyone who knows my BF knows this. Then they broke up after fighting constantly, and we ended up getting together.

I have known him since we were kids, so I was fine with him having 2 daughters. I didn't mind at all. BUT when we found out his ex was pregnant again because she "forgot" her b/c I was highly upset. I cried for days! We didn't find out until she was 6 months pregnant! She wanted to keep their son from my BF. Well now she took off with both of the kids and begged my BF to sign over rights, so he did. ONLY because it was the best choice for the kids.


But it still bugs me that he has 3 kids! He feels like a piece of shit, which he really isn't. He misses his daughter tons. He calls our son his first son, because he never got to meet his other one. It still bugs me that my son really isn't his first and we both know that. What do I do when my son gets older though? Do I tell him he has more than just 1 half sibling, since he will only know Aubrey? Or do we keep is a secret unless the other kids decide to come find my BF one day? I'm disappointed, and my BF gets teary eyed when we talk about this situation. He feels like a dirtbag, but he really tried to be there but his ex hid their son and ran off with them.

What would you do in my situation?

by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:42 PM
Replies (11-20):
Jaydens_mylove
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:18 PM
My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter doesn't bother me but the whole situation does. I hate that's it can't just be us and the family we created. Also I hate that we have to always consider her mother and our visitation when we want to do something. I do love his daughter very much though.
Valori1
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:24 PM

My fiancee' has to daughters from two diffferent women. I love them as my own and happy to have such a large family :) A lot of people judge and say he needs to be fixed but I he knows that this is my first child and I would love more children of my own. He loves and takes cares of them the best he can :) And I know he will be the same with this one. We do plan on more kids in the future. Don't let his past ruin your future together, embrace the extended family.

MuhKayRuh
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:27 PM

Exactly! I feel selfish for wishing it was just us, but I love his daughter to death. His ex won't let her stay the night with us, so we are only getting a 2 bedroom apartment, even though I would like his daughter to have her own room. I guess when she gets older things will be different. I just don't want her to hate me when she gets older because how crazy her mom is!

Quoting Jaydens_mylove:

My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter doesn't bother me but the whole situation does. I hate that's it can't just be us and the family we created. Also I hate that we have to always consider her mother and our visitation when we want to do something. I do love his daughter very much though.


Valori1
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:29 PM

I know exactly what you mean,my fiancee's first daughter's mother moved 5 states away while she was 3 months pregnant and married another man and gave that man all the rights, he haasnt seen his daughter since she was born. The other mother got angry bc he didnt want a relationship with a married woman (yes she was married already but he didnt know) and she gave rights to her husband. He gets to see the second one a lot but he has zero rights till we get things straightened out. Shes much more understanding now and wants our children to know that they are siblings and loved equaly

Quoting MuhKayRuh:

He signed over his rights because he was never "allowed" to see the kids. She was constantly moving around and changing her number and her family hates him and doesn't want him around either. So after trying to see them for a year, he finally gave up and said he knows that one day they will come find him, but he can't keep juggling them around from house to house. So he signed over rights. They already call her new BF 'dad" and yes he has cried about it, he doesn't want them to be confused and hate him for not staying with their mom.

I don't think everyguy that signs over rights is a piece of shit, ESPECIALLY if it's the mother who pushed for him to do so. I'd be disappointed in him if he did it for a dirtbag reason, but he really did love his daughter.

Quoting MamaHome:


Quoting feliciasmith:

So I guess im saying you should be proud of him for being a part of their lives. And for being a good father to the ones he's aloud to see

He signed over his rights....

I wouldnt be proud of that.




tina08mommy
by Member on May. 1, 2012 at 3:31 PM
My kids father only has our two boys. I am single right now
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amandaxshawn08
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:31 PM
My dh has a daughter from before we met. I met her mother... Shes a piece of work... In a dirtbag way.

I only have an issue with this kid because she is so backwards in her ways, just like her mother was and is. I feel bad for her, but she wont listen to me and very mean to our son.
Deff hard to deal with... Forrrsure!!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MuhKayRuh
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:35 PM

My biggest concern is that my bf has his daughter names tattooed on him. So what do I say when he asks who Callie is? Do I tell my son the truth? How do I do that without my son losing respect for his father or getting mad that he has another half sister AND half brother that he has never met?

Valori1
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:39 PM

Be honest, my daughter might never meet her oldest sister bc the mom is, well she's "a piece of work" but I will let her know who she is and that its not her father's fault. So maybe one day she'll be able to get in touch with her herself and tell her about how their father really wanted to be part of her life as well and tried the hardest he can and continuosly failed.

tm88rn
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:41 PM
My husband only has our three kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BeachMama05
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:42 PM

me and my DH only have our 2 kids together 

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