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New baby and stepdaughter...advice please!

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So i just had my son yesterday and im going home tomorrow morning from the hospital and this morning my hubby's ex calls me to ask if my hubby's daughter could come live with us for awhile,she said she already talked to my hubby about it but he hasnt talked to me about it yet and so i told her i needed to talk to him first. Was that the wrong answer? should i have just said yes on spot because its his daughter? Idk what to do or say here,i deffinitely dont wanna keep my hubby from his daughter,she's welcome over anytime but if she moves in then im taking care of her,my one year old daughter and my newborn son while my hubby will be at work. Thoughts or oppinions would be so helpful right now,advice please!

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 29, 2012 at 8:16 PM
Replies (11-15):
BeccaL22
by on May. 29, 2012 at 8:41 PM

When i married him i knew this was a possibility and i was fine with it,still am,i dont want to ever get inbetween their relationship and im not telling him she cant come live with us or anything,the conversation is how can we make this work with her living with us,its more how can i make this work,he's not home often. There is always a place for her in our home,i love his daughter. We need to discuss can we make this work,is it even possible and is it really a good idea,and most likely she will end up living with us either way because it is his daughter and somehow we will make it work

Quoting remaining_me:

i think when you got with someone with a child it was a possibility that you could end up caring for another child. i don't think it was wrong to say you needed to talk to your hub first, but about whether or not she should be there isn't the real conversation you should have, IMO. it's his child. there should always be a place for her in her fathers home, temporary or permanent. i think what should be discussed is how to make things comfortable before she gets there. how to get things situated for her and such.


remaining_me
by on May. 29, 2012 at 8:49 PM

I see. BTW, I was more thinking about the situation from where he should be coming from than you. I would imagine that when the bio mom came to him about it he agreed as any good father should have, but I get your concerns. You'll probably be the one caring for her most. Good luck to you guys. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Quoting BeccaL22:

When i married him i knew this was a possibility and i was fine with it,still am,i dont want to ever get inbetween their relationship and im not telling him she cant come live with us or anything,the conversation is how can we make this work with her living with us,its more how can i make this work,he's not home often. There is always a place for her in our home,i love his daughter. We need to discuss can we make this work,is it even possible and is it really a good idea,and most likely she will end up living with us either way because it is his daughter and somehow we will make it work

Quoting remaining_me:

i think when you got with someone with a child it was a possibility that you could end up caring for another child. i don't think it was wrong to say you needed to talk to your hub first, but about whether or not she should be there isn't the real conversation you should have, IMO. it's his child. there should always be a place for her in her fathers home, temporary or permanent. i think what should be discussed is how to make things comfortable before she gets there. how to get things situated for her and such.



MsEmma88
by Member on May. 29, 2012 at 9:37 PM
It's great that you wanted to talk With hubby about the situation be sure to let him know how you feel about raising three kids. Also it sounds like her moms in a pretty bad situation to be offering her daughter like that so perhaps if it's helpful to include her in the conversation? I'm sure that together you can figure it out
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heather4511
by on May. 29, 2012 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this
Us moms find a way to make it work! :) especially if its best for his DD to be with you guys

Quoting BeccaL22:

We've taken care of her for weeks at a time before and i enjoyed it except she is very active and i cant keep up,i might be able to now that im not pregnant but idk if i could take care of 3 kids at once quite yet i was just getting better with 2.

Quoting heather4511:

Well, at 4 she could help you with the baby. But i understand, it could be a bit much with a 4 and 1 yr old and newborn. Though it could also be a nice thing too :)



Quoting BeccaL22:

She's a little kid,she's 4

Quoting heather4511:

That is surely something to discuss together. Is she older?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
.Angelica.
by on May. 30, 2012 at 1:05 AM

i think it's best to talk about it with your husband first.

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