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a little TMI, but I'm so hurt.

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So, me and my boyfriend don't have the best of relationships, but we love each other and keep trying to work it out. Although I love him for sticking around through it all I'm starting to feel like his efforts aren't sincere. I don't know if it's just all these emotions and hormones that are making me emotional, but he always makes me cry. He's constantly accusing me of being unfaithful, which I've never been to him; if he notices something different going on with my vagina instead of taking into consideration that I'm pregnant with his child he asks me if I have an STD. He also constantly always makes side comments (to everyone) about his doubts that the baby is his. I feel likehe just thinks I'm some kind of slut going around sleeping with every guy with a boner or something.

Besides his constant accusations of his suspected infedelity, everytime something is wrong with the baby or I have a little pain or anything he blames me. He tells me this is your fault Rockie if you didnt ... or if you would just... than these problems wouldnt be happening, do you want to kill your baby? And this just breaks my heart and I don't know what to do :/ He isn't around me long enough to vouche for myactions are anything and I try so hard to stay healthy and eat right for my baby. I used to eat once a day and not drink water, now all I do is drink water and eat every two hours like the doctors suggested. So, I his acccusations make me feel like I'm going to be a shitty mother, I already have doubts of my capability to raise a child on my own and he makes me feel like I'm just going to fail in the motherhood department. I cry all the time due to his words and actions and even try to tell him when he's hurting my feeling, but he just apologizes and does it again another day leaving me sad and hopeless again.

Last, but not least our relationship is an everlasting secret on his end. None of his family, friends, associates know about our relationship, let alone know that I am carrying his child. I feel like I'm some kind of side line hoe or something. When he goes to family events or outings he takes his ex, whom his whole family knows and loves. I feel like everything would just be great if she was carrying his baby instead. I told him I wanted to meet his momand he said ok... I've yet to even speak to the lady. He's going to be upset, but when the baby is here I'm not going to want his famil  around my child, I dont know them in any way and couldn't possibly see them excepting a child from a women hey didn't even know existed... Idk I guess I just needed to vent, but the pain is so deep everytime I think of my baby all these thoughts start flowing, I can't even be happy about my pregnancy. I just spenf the whole time crying...

by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Replies (31-37):
anfinley89
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 It seems like he is being unfaithful to you momma. Why would he accuse you of always cheating? Paranoia could be a sign of his own guilt and why wouldnt he want you to meet his family. Um, hello. You are his family now and no man should keep the mother of his child away from meeting his own family. I hope he gets his act together for you and your baby. If he doesnt, you deserve alot better than that. Dont let him make you feel like a bad mother either. You have changed your diet, drink plenty of water and are making sure you are taking care of that baby. That sounds like a WONDERFUL mother to me.

kenzy715
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:01 AM
Nobody ever takes the advice of other people who have been in the same/similar situation..... But honestly you need to! Your need to run run run as fast and as far away from him as possible! he isnt worth u or ur child's time if he has to bring not u but HIS EX G/F to a family event! That is NOT love! However it is disrespect! So if u have any self respect u need to leave his ass! I can't even consider him a man.... I mean what a coward to get u pregnant but not bring u home to meet the parents! This says it all- "If you wouldn't make her a wife, then don't make her a mother!" he is NO man in my opinion and I honestly think you would do better on your own without that worthless POS!
ednaamelia
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 5:10 PM
Please n be strong! Find your strength through your unborn baby. Tell him since you want to be a good mom you can not be around him through your pregnancy. The emotional abuse he is putting you through is q.putting your baby in uneccesary stress,that makes him the shitty parent. It will continue postpartum. Protect yourself and your baby. Build up your support through your family and friends and drop him.
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BabyRiley1113
by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 9:33 PM

you crying and being depressed like that is not good for your baby and you really do deserve better than that.! i know its a hard decision, but you really have to make the best choice for not only you but your baby too.! im sure you do love him and it isnt going to be easy, but then again it isnt going to be easy if you keep on the way it is going now. all hes going to do is drive you down. be strong!

group hug

mommy_flaw
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 12:41 AM

Oh sweetheart he doesn't deserve the gift of you and your child. If you feel like a secret than chances are good that you ARE one. I'm so sorry momma.

bigmama423
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 12:52 AM

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Honestly though I would not be a guy like that. Verbal abuse and no one knows about you, that's 2 BIG no no's!!! Good luck!!

SookieRose
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 3:11 AM

 you need to leave him, and do whats best for you and your child. to be honest, (not to sound harsh) but imo i think he is dating his ex. i mean c'mon, he takes her to the family gatherings. this dude is in way over his head, id leave him faster than a speeding light.

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